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Original poster

TRIGGER WARNING - miscarriage after wonder pregnancy

13 replies

readingismycardio · 01/11/2022 19:08

Hi everyone,

So after trying for a while, a shit ton of blood tests and actually getting mentally prepared for IVF, I got pregnant.

Today, at my 10 week scan I found out baby stopped growing at 9 weeks.

I am devastated. I have rl support from amazing DH and parents, but I can't stop crying.

I have a D&C Scheduled on Thurs & terrified.

Please, give me advice. How did you deal with it? Does it ever go away? Did you have a positive experience after loss?

Thanks

OP posts:
Original poster
readingismycardio · 01/11/2022 19:10

Also.. this was a missed miscarriage, no symptoms, blood, nothing, which makes it even more shocking...

OP posts:
Setyoufree · 01/11/2022 19:13

I'm so sorry for your loss :( Be very gentle with yourself. When you're ready there's lots of stories and support on here with pregnancy after MC but for now, just focus on being as kind and gentle with yourself as you can

Original poster
readingismycardio · 01/11/2022 19:17

Setyoufree · 01/11/2022 19:13

I'm so sorry for your loss :( Be very gentle with yourself. When you're ready there's lots of stories and support on here with pregnancy after MC but for now, just focus on being as kind and gentle with yourself as you can

Thanks so much for your kind reply. I am doing my best but I just feel like nothing makes any sense anymore... it's crazy; never felt this

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AmDram322 · 01/11/2022 19:48

I’m so sorry. Echoing what pp said please be as kind to yourself as possible. I had a MMC earlier this year and it was really hard. It still sometimes is but it gets better I promise. Please just rest. Cry. Talk about how you’re feeling. Sending love.

Moosh18 · 01/11/2022 20:28

@readingismycardio I'm so so so sorry for your loss, please take care of yourself. I had a mmc at 12 weeks in June and my heart broke into a million pieces I had to have a d and c,

I am currently 7 weeks pregnant, and have a scan on Friday, I'm terrified of the same happening again, but thankful to be pregnant again.

Please please take care of yourself and let yourself grieve, there isn't anything more I can offer but please know you aren't alone and there is hope beyond this awful time, sending you all my love and strength for the coming weeks xxx

Coffeeforlife · 01/11/2022 20:42

I'm so sorry. It's devastating to go through and so incredibly unfair. I found out at 11 weeks that mine had stopped growing around 8.5 weeks, just after I'd had a scan where it looked healthy. This was a couple of years ago and it does get easier to deal with even though I'm still very sad about it. I hope you have lots of love and support around you, and please take time to grieve in the way that feels right for you x

MrsC2018 · 01/11/2022 20:54

You can do this. I had 5 years and 5 rounds of IVF to conceive my daughter, then this year have found myself pregnant naturally twice. I've unfortunately lost both babies at 16 weeks and don't know why. I don't have any words of wisdom beyond that time is a healer and pregnancy loss doesn't appear to discriminate what is a precious and longed for baby.
How to deal with it - there's nothing that will help in the short term. Cry, grieve and be kind to yourself. The pain will fade in time from what it is now. My last loss was last week, I'm back feeling raw and so very sad. But I brush my teeth and brush my hair every day because I deserve that and I know I just have to get on. I don't think there's a right or wrong answer in how to cope with the coming weeks but it does fade from the raw shock and grief you have now.
I don't have a positive experience after loss yet, but I hope to next year xxx

Dakin · 01/11/2022 21:31

I'm sorry you went through this. I had a MC at 7 weeks and another very painful traumatic MC at 13 weeks. I had to have emergency d&c so went from being in quite a lot of pain to waking up relieved at being pain free. The staff were wonderful and treated me very well. I had no issues with d &c or recovery. It was one of the saddest things I've been through and I probably haven't worked through it all despite happening last year. This was after trying just over a year. A month after the d & c I fell pregnant and now have a boisterous baby girl. The pregnancy was difficult and after the second MC I felt terrible and so unhappy, but it wasn't the end of the journey.

Original poster
readingismycardio · 02/11/2022 04:48

Thank you so much everyone. I did get some sleep but I woke up three times and cried for about an hour. Not sure how can i ever move past this. Sorry for your losses everyone Flowers

OP posts:
Hrf1503 · 02/11/2022 05:53

I’m so so sorry for your loss. I had a miscarriage in June and it was absolutely devastating. Take all the time you need to grieve. Sadly the way I was treated by medical professionals and some well meaning family and friends after my miscarriage led me to develop awful feelings that people felt I was overreacting - know that nothing you are feeling at this time is an overreaction or anything other than a normal reaction to the devastating loss of your baby. I found a podcast called The Worst Girl Gang Ever really helpful not to feel so alone, I listened to it for hours and sobbed, it helped me to identify a lot of what I was feeling and feel “validated” that what I was feeling was normal. They also have a community on Facebook, know that you’re not alone in this awful moment and there are lots of amazing women who can support you through this. Tommy’s and the Miscarriage Association also have some helpful information and helplines you can call (Tommy’s is run by midwives so more helpful
if you have medical questions and MA is run by volunteers so I think more if you need someone to speak to although I only used Tommy’s). I was also able to get free counselling through work and it really helped to have someone to talk to about everything I was feeling. The pain doesn’t ever go away but it does get easier to cope with. I’m also pregnant again, and when you’re ready the resources I mentioned above can also help you when your ttc. Take care of yourself, lean on family and friends but put yourself first x

Kappi · 03/11/2022 22:19

I’m sorry to read about your loss. I hope that your surgery has gone as smoothly as it can do and that your recovery is swift.

I found your post as I discovered yesterday that our pregnancy ended at 7/8 weeks. This is our second missed miscarriage in a row.

i feel like things don’t make sense either, it’s a horrible time. It’s hard not to be consumed by anxiety - sometimes I am.

i hope you can find peace soon and healing in whatever way is best for you and your partner x

Original poster
readingismycardio · 04/11/2022 09:04

Kappi · 03/11/2022 22:19

I’m sorry to read about your loss. I hope that your surgery has gone as smoothly as it can do and that your recovery is swift.

I found your post as I discovered yesterday that our pregnancy ended at 7/8 weeks. This is our second missed miscarriage in a row.

i feel like things don’t make sense either, it’s a horrible time. It’s hard not to be consumed by anxiety - sometimes I am.

i hope you can find peace soon and healing in whatever way is best for you and your partner x

Thank you so, so much. Surgery went amazing! Can't remember a thing and staff were brilliant. I am terribly sorry for your losses. I hope time will shed some light on us and bring us a new miracle. Sending hugs and love

OP posts:
Original poster
readingismycardio · 04/11/2022 09:05

Hrf1503 · 02/11/2022 05:53

I’m so so sorry for your loss. I had a miscarriage in June and it was absolutely devastating. Take all the time you need to grieve. Sadly the way I was treated by medical professionals and some well meaning family and friends after my miscarriage led me to develop awful feelings that people felt I was overreacting - know that nothing you are feeling at this time is an overreaction or anything other than a normal reaction to the devastating loss of your baby. I found a podcast called The Worst Girl Gang Ever really helpful not to feel so alone, I listened to it for hours and sobbed, it helped me to identify a lot of what I was feeling and feel “validated” that what I was feeling was normal. They also have a community on Facebook, know that you’re not alone in this awful moment and there are lots of amazing women who can support you through this. Tommy’s and the Miscarriage Association also have some helpful information and helplines you can call (Tommy’s is run by midwives so more helpful
if you have medical questions and MA is run by volunteers so I think more if you need someone to speak to although I only used Tommy’s). I was also able to get free counselling through work and it really helped to have someone to talk to about everything I was feeling. The pain doesn’t ever go away but it does get easier to cope with. I’m also pregnant again, and when you’re ready the resources I mentioned above can also help you when your ttc. Take care of yourself, lean on family and friends but put yourself first x

Thank you so much. I am deeply sorry for your loss Flowers the facebook group you suggested is amazing, thank you!

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