hello, i am a first time user so bare with me! i will go through the whole pregnancy just so everyone has lots of context.
i am 19 and currently pregnant (💙)
in my third trimester. (33/40) i was never with the father (21) and this was a spontaneous pregnancy.
at first, the father was happy about the news. although we weren’t together we agreed on coparenting and communicating regularly with updates etc. because we wasn’t in a serious relationship, none of us had met each other’s family either so we were trying to get that all arranged. he had just also come out of prison when we conceived our baby.
one day i try to call his number, and got told by his brother to stop calling him. i didn’t hear from him for at least over a month.
after finally gaining contact after weeks of trying - he then goes on to say he wants me to get an abortion- which obviously i said no to.
at this point, i’m gathering all the items i will need for my baby on my own. i have gone to every single appointment alone, and i have moved into another flat alone.
after not speaking to him for some time, he apologises and we start afresh. however, recently he has been quite verbally abusive towards me. he doesn’t let me speak, he tells me he never wanted to get “someone like me” pregnant, says he doesn’t have a child (or at least one on the way) has denied his son several times, tells me it’s my fault he’s this way because “i am scaring him away”, and uses my physically appearance to offend me. i have put an example down below. i have more of course but i think one is enough
he also tells me i won’t be able to provide the best for my son by myself, and he has “more money than me and my mum put together”
i also want to add that this man doesn’t have an actual job, and we can just label him as a “criminal” in this case.
the father hasn’t contributed ANYTHING the whole of my pregnancy. he hasn’t come to any appointments, hasn’t sent me money to help with buying any of the baby’s things. i haven’t seen him since THE CONCEPTION DATE.
i wanted to give him as many chances as possible. i thought maybe it will take him more time for him to understand just because he was a man. at my 20 week scan, he left me waiting for over 30 minutes with the sonographer just to tell me he couldn’t make it.
i guess my question is will i be a bad mum if i don’t let him see my son now? he is very inconsistent and i don’t need that to be a problem when my son is here. he has denied him on various occasions to feel better about the fact he hasn’t actually been there. i don’t want to be blinded by what he has said to me and make a bias decision based on how he treated me through my pregnancy,because he isn’t my dad ,
but he has said quite a lot of upsetting things about me and my son which has actually brought me to tears. i am so confused on what to do- i am already in a “teen” pregnancy and the fact i have had to struggle alone without his dad has been challenging. i have already decided he will not be getting put on the birth certificate and the baby will be taking my name (DEFINITELY)
i also have had lots of support from my own family and friends already have all of my baby list bought and ready for him for when he comes :)
please any advice will be useful!!!
thanks guys :)