HOW SOON SHOULD WE TRY AGAIN

[LEWEI]

I am quite confused on this matter, after having a stillbirth(37wks)almost two months ago, i am getting very mixed info from doctors, midwives and various others, about when it would be appropriate for us to try for another pregnancy.
We were told to wait for six months to a year by the consultant and the GP said that the body is ready in a couple of months. I know we have to try and cope with the death of our son, but is it not when we feel ready. A year seems to be a very long time to wait before even trying. Any advice?

I'm so sorry to hear of your loss, it must have been terrible for you to go so far and then lose your baby. I can't give you a professional answer but I'm sure that other mums I know haven't waited so long after a still birth before having another baby. The body is capable of pregnancy again within days of giving birth, as we hear so many stories of 9 month gaps so unless there was a medical reason why your last baby died then I would say that you should try again whenever you feel ready.

Perhaps one of the stillbirth charities might be able to advise you better or could you get a further appointment with the consultant perhaps?

The 2 mums that I know who had still births both went on to have 2 healthy children fairly quickly afterwards, though one of them had early C-sections as a precaution. Good luck for the future. Pam. x.

Hello Lewei,

I persoannly would wait no more then 6 mo. Many women get pregnant almost right way after giving birth. I feel you should give yourself the time to heal as you would if you hadnt had the stillbirth. A year does seem so long away. I think doctors everywhere seem to give different opinions on things. Just go on how you feel inside.

It may be in one month or 1 year. Its all up to you I think. Everyone heals and is ready at a different pace. Good luck in the future.

Dear Lewei. I'm so sorry for your loss. My feeling would be then if you body has resumed normal periods then it is telling you that it is ready again. So if you feel you want to move on and try again and you feel you can cope then go for it. I've just come home after a mc at 3 months and I really want to try again. We are going to wait until after Christmas simply because I know that I will be so anxious at the beginning of my next pg that I don' want to spoil this special time. However I know that I will be scared next time however long I wait. Sometimes I think Drs tell you to wait because they expect you to heal emotionally in this time. But in my expereince nothing really prepares you. Obviously you will be scared so as soon as you feel you can cope with that fear then try. I hope so much everything works out for you soon. Hugs.

There is no right time LEWEI. Perhaps you have been advised a year to allow your body to recover after a term pregnancy - but there are many women who concieve within that first year of giving birth. There is the belief that you need time to grieve for the baby you lost and you may not be able to do that if you become pregnent too soon. Personally I do not believe there is one solution for everybody. My cousin lost her first baby at 38 weeks and became pregnant again after her first period. She said that being pregnant again so soon was not her replacing the baby she lost. She wanted another baby as soon as she could. The downside she said was that she felt as if she had been pregnant for about 2 years!
I myself had a miscarriage at one point and I was determined to get pregnant ASAP. I did not like being advised to wait for a certain time. I did wait until I had had a period so that I was sure of my dates.
Only you can decide when you are ready to try again - well meaning professionals cannot. Good luck with whatever you decide.

It is when you feel ready, Lewei - and my kind GP who saw us first through infertility investigations, then through the loss of our baby at 21 weeks shortly before you lost yours, said as much. She told us if we wanted to try again straightaway, we should just go for it. I personally wanted to wait until my cycle was back to normal, that's what feels right to me.
Good luck - I have found that a book called Pregnancy after Loss by Ann Cerulli Lanham has a lot of good and reassuring, but honest advice in it. Being American its info on antenatal care reflects their healthcare systems, but I still found it well worth reading. Fingers crossed for us both, eh?

I'm very sorry about your loss, Lewei. Agree with all the other good advice here. The only caution I would add is if you had a caesarian (think I saw this on another thread) - I had heard somewhere that you should wait a good year after a c-section before getting pg, but don't know if this is correct. I didn't and had no ill effects, but there does seem to be some sense in allowing the scar to heal. Let me know anyone if this is rubbish! Agree it's much better psychologically to try as soon as you feel ready.

Thank you everyone, i have quite a fearsome consultant and was worried that he would be very displeased if i fell pregnant within the next year, but then as many people have said it is a personal decision. I was also worried (having had only one pregnancy and not knowing any better)that my scar would tear either inside or out!!!! but have been asured by my lovely community midwife that this is very unlikely to happen. well its best to ask the question, even if it does seem silly afterwards!

NEED SOME ADVICE, I am now 8 days late, i did a home test on monday which was -ve. Still feeling very yucky and tired. My first period arrived exacty 28 days after having Lewis. My Dr says that it will take a few months for my body to settle back to normal. Did i take the test to soon. I know this sounds like a stupid question,just humour me

Lewei, I am right there with you (lost ds at 21 weeks in late August and TTC now). If your cycles are normally around 28 days and you've had at least one such cycle after losing Lewis, then I'd say day 36 was not too early to test. So sorry it's negative.
I am giving myself exactly three months of TTC and am charting my BBT during this time. Then I am going back to my GP to ask for blood tests if my temp charts suggest I am not ovulating. I will also be using a Persona (prefer it to ovulation sticks) from next cycle as I hope that will either confirm my worst fears, or preferably show that I am hopeless at charting my temperature.
I never really bothered with all this last time but after such a loss every day of every cycle seems crucial.
I would maybe test again if your period has not appeared in a week's time. If still negative, I'd go back to your GP, for some much-deserved moral support if nothing else. Good luck.

Lewei, cycles can catch you out. When my periods started again after having DS the first 3 were regular as clockwork, 28 days. So the next cycle I took a "risk" in a "safe period" and ended up with DD - I'd ovulated a week later than normal. This also happened to me with my last pg, thought we were too late in the month although we were trying and got a pleasant surprise (although sadly lost the baby later on). Otherwise I have been spot on 28 days. So it does happen and it may be more likley to happen when your periods have just resumed, don't know. Fingers crossed for you. I'm with Marina - wait another week (or as long as you can hold out) and try again. Hugs.

They arrived this morning, was a little sad but on the other hand i would like my body to get back into a routine. We will just have to put plenty effort into it and keep our fingers crossed