Birth Anxiety

[PeonyPops]

Does anyone else have this? First baby, nothing at all because I had no idea what was coming. 2nd baby convinced myself I’d be ok as I would get there in time for some pain relief - had nothing with baby 1. Got there at 10cm.
Anyway, baby n2 came the same way. I remember them telling me to push and I was screaming no. And physically trying to push his head back in. I can manage contractions fine. The pushing. I can’t deal with it.

Baby number 3 - I nearly had an abortion as the birth anxiety was terrible from the moment I found out I was pregnant. Saw the Perinatal Mental Health team. Made a birth plan, early admission so I could have an epidural. Relaxed a bit. But the whole pregnant was tainted by the thought I had to give birth. I panicked all day every day. I didn’t enjoy any of it. Didn’t get any pain relief then either, she was born in 37 minutes.

I swore never ever again. Only here we are with a contraception failure baby. At 34 and I feel nearly the exact same as the last time. Midwife is clearly worried as she keeps ringing and asking If I’m ok. I said the only way I seem to get through the days is to just block the whole thing from my head. She said, quite rightly I can’t not think about it. But I don’t know what to do. I panic constantly. Ideally they would tell me the baby is breech and I could have a section. I have desperately secretly wanted one ever since my first birth. Im made to feel pretty ashamed of it by my whole family. My pregnancies are generally lovely, and uneventful. Thankfully, I just want to enjoy buying baby clothes or be excited to meet my baby. Instead I dread the weeks going past as I’m closer and closer to giving birth.
20 weeks this week and I could cry thinking I only have this time again.

Am I the only one the that is this anxious. I seem to be and don’t know anyone else like me.

Don't keep it secret. If a section would help your mental health then tell your midwife. Don't suffer with this in silence.

Absolutely ask for a section in your situation. I think 3 babies arriving so quickly you can't have pain relief is more than reason enough. Everyone else can have an opinion when they're in that position, you don't even need to tell them if you don't want to. Just mention it after the fact, no need to give any reasons. And it sounds as though your midwife understands your anxiety and would be very supportive.

Agree with above, why not have an elcs? Or induction booked at e.g. 39 weeks so it's controlled and you're already in hosp when labour starts?
Talk to your midwife about your options x

I feel a bit emotional reading your lovely replies. I am always just left feeling so silly for considering a c section. Especially because I have the other kids to look after and I don’t want to write myself off for weeks when in theory I was back to normal very quickly after the births the last three times. I have an appt at 25 weeks with the midwife and she did mention when she rang last time I could absolutely have a section if I wanted. It’s really nice to hear some understanding words ♥️

I had a section for my first (and so far only) baby. It was the best experience ever! I had a bit of a fight to get the midwives to put me onto a consultant due to my anxiety about birth. They kept on wanting to give me details about hypnobirthing and send me on courses. By 23 weeks I just hit a point where I couldn’t take it anymore and nearly started crying at my midwife appointment. She looked at me like she’d only just realised how serious I was about the section. I got given a telephone consultant appointment and she actually didn’t take any convincing to approve it and book me in. She just told me all the risks, all of which I’d already researched myself. Funnily enough no one tells you the risks of the alternative 🤔 Looking back I wish I would have calmed down during pregnancy because it all went so well in the end. The section was amazing and basically pain-free, recovery wasn’t that bad either! Tokophobia is the name of it. You will need to be really firm with them that this is what you want/need. You can check your hospital on birth rights website to see what colour they are for approving c-sections

Homebirth with water? Your births sound like my mums who after two (one born in a car on the way) went sod this and had the rest at home. I was actually there age 9 when my brother was born and it didn’t seem traumatic, and she describes her hospital births the way you talk.

I feel exactly the same as you and I’m expecting my 4th next week. First birth was great, had an epidural and it went exactly as I hoped. Second I expected the same but this time there was no anaesthetist available and baby was back to back. Worst pain I’ve ever experienced. Pretty sure I had some sort of PTSD. Panicked throughout 3rd pregnancy but baby stopped moving right before my due date so I ended up with an emergency c section before even going into labour. My overriding feeling was relief (once I knew baby was ok). So with this baby I just thought I can’t go through that all again - ELCS is my choice. I’m still worried I’ll go into labour beforehand but it’s helped alleviate a lot of my worries. So no you aren’t alone & you would be in good company if you chose an ELCS.

What about if you end up with anxiety over the c section?

I had my second baby yesterday and the only way I would ever do it again would be via ELCS. First baby was a breeze: 9lb but gave birth with only two paracetamol. Yesterday was literally a living hell. I’ve no idea how I’m going to avoid some sort of mental trauma. Planned a home birth but no one to replace the midwife on shift when she finished so had to transfer to hospital. Managed a water birth with gas and air but I have never felt that much pain in my life.

Totally think you’re right to request whatever it is that will make you feel better.

I'd say you need to go one extreme or the other. Home water birth or ELCS.

I wouldn't go for induction with any kind of agent because you labour fast. What I would do is go in, decline any agents, see if they could break your waters, wait on the list, go to delivery suite, get your epidural, have them break your waters, have a baby.

What I wouldn't do is go for induction, consent to having a pessary/gel whatever kind of agent, this will most probably send you into labour because your body labours fast, be stuck waiting on the list which women spend days on, not hours. And you'd deliver on the antenatal ward or get a bed on delivery suite just in time. No time for epidural. Happens all the time.

Just consider that induction of labour can lead to more pain and intervention, I.e. instrumental delivery. You'd most likely be ok because this is baby no.4, but the risks are still there.

Also, I think it's around 1 in 200 epidurals don't work properly. Don't quote me on the figure, but it's somewhere around that.

Also, there's nothing wrong with requesting a section. At all! Sections for maternal request happen all the time. But do consider the long recovery, it's easy saying my section was great with my first baby! But you have 3 other children at home to consider too. If you have great support at home, this maybe wouldn't be a factor for you.

Personally I'd go for the home birth. That might be your idea of hell though. But do look into it and consider it before dismissing. Your body reacts to labour very differently when you're at home and there's no mad rush to the hospital to factor in. I don't know you so this maybe an unfair assumption, but I just get a feeling that a home birth would be your best birth out of all of them. Women say this to me all the time.

Hi @PeonyPops , I found the recovery from my c section really easy. I was up and walking later that day and when the hospital moved me wards a day later, I carried my own bags. A c section won’t necessarily put you out of action. Do whatever works for you!

I stayed in hospital for a few days because of other health issues but I think most elcs you only stay one day.

Thanks all so much. The idea of homebirth scares the shit out of me 🤣 that’s a def no go although midwife also suggested that. I honestly want to have section, but I feel like I’m ‘opting out’ if that makes sense. Although I know it’s not the easy way out. The idea of knowing when and no unknows etc make me feel so much more at ease.
my older kids will be 14,12 and nearly 7 when the baby is born. So really, they don’t need me too much. Plus their dad will be off for two weeks, and if C section could possibly book a week holiday too. I don’t drive so no rush to get better to be driving around etc. I walk my littlest one to school, but it’s only 2 roads away so I think I’d be ok. Although the midwife did say iy
im worried about asking. But I will most def ask. Not sure when people are generally offered sections. But all my babies have been over 9lb. And my
last baby, that came super quickly had pooed inside me through stress, I think the fast labour.

@jeffnc Also, I think it's around 1 in 200 epidurals don't work properly. Don't quote me on the figure, but it's somewhere around that.

Its actually about 1:8 epidurals that don’t work well enough to be the sole means of analgesia.

@PeonyPops sounds like an ELCS is what's right for you then. Just say to your midwife that you've had a really good think and you'd like to officially request an elective section. Just be clear, concise and direct and ask what the next steps will be.

@Greybeardy interesting! I've just had a look online and research from 2021 indicates it's 1 in 12 that don't work well. I'm surprised by this as our obstetric anaesthetist states that 1 in 200 don't work well, so he's way off! By 'not working well' he means either it doesn't work at all or the block isn't even or isn't high enough etc. I'm going to have to ask him tomorrow now because I'm intrigued.

That being said, I very rarely see an epidural that doesn't work well. In the last 3 years I can only think of one which needed to be recited and then worked fine.

Just ask for a section! I wanted a baby but not to give birth. See a consultant, give your reasons and if they won't approve it, they have to refer you to one who will. Maternal choice is a perfectly valid reason for a section. Please don't suffer like this if a section would help x

@jeffnc the OAA patient info leaflet quotes 1:8 don’t work well enough to be the only mode of pain relief, and that’s what a lot of units use as part of the consent process for epidurals.

It's ok to say that an ELCS is the easy way out- in my experience it was (natural delivery with DC1 then ELCS with DC2). It was a total BREEZE in comparison- I even found the recovery easier than with my first (although I did have complications with that one). Also I had to care for a heavy toddler after my section and it was actually fine.

Would recommend an ELCS every day. I was like you throughout second pregnancy- knowing deep down I wanted an ELCS but not being brave enough for some reason to admit it. The second the consultant booked me in for one I just felt sheer relief.

The thing that made me make the decision to request it was when the consultant said that ELCSs are actually safer for babies than natural births. Helped me ease the guilt of booking one in.