Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Flip

Original poster

My partner doesn't want me to go through with my pregnancy

21 replies

gemma2428 · 10/10/2022 00:07

Im with a new partner and in a very difficult position, im still living with my ex husband as the house sale is not due to complete until December. I've been with my new partner for around 7 months, I was on the mini pill and still ended up pregnant.
I have three children and he has none. He really doesn't want this baby because of my circumstances. He's really pressuring me into having an abortion which I don't want, he wants to do things properly and wait, but my view is this baby has already been created and I will find it too emotional distressing to go through with an abortion. I have nothing against anyone who does, I just feel like I would regret it deeply. He thinks I'm being selfish, I'm 8 weeks gone and he said it's not a baby yet it's just a 'reaction' and barely anything. I'm finding this all very hard to deal with 😔

OP posts:

Yesthatismychildsigh · 10/10/2022 00:21

Fucking hell, I’m not surprised. You’ll get people encouraging you, but if this is even real (which I doubt) then you’d be feckless to have this child.

CrossStichQueen · 10/10/2022 00:26

This is going to sound like a none answer OP but truly only you can make this choice.

I became pregnant after my 2 DC and while my situation was not exactly like yours I also had to make a choice.
Ask yourself can you life with an abortion?
How will another child impact on your existing children's lives? Your finances? Housing?
Are you prepared to be a single parent?
Are you prepared to co parent with the babies dad?
Can I add another 18 years minimum of my life to parenting?
These are all questions I asked myself before I made my decision.

It really is your to make though. 🌺

Aquamarine1029 · 10/10/2022 00:33

What would be best for your existing children? That should be your only concern, and personally, I don't think continuing this pregnancy is it. The circumstances are horrible and will create even more stress for your kids, and that's a massive understatement.

toomuchlaundry · 10/10/2022 00:42

What was he doing about contraception?

FlowerArranger · 10/10/2022 00:45

What @Aquamarine1029 said.

You have to put your existing children above anything else.💐

MrsSkylerWhite · 10/10/2022 00:58

What are your head and heart telling you?
there’s your answer.

Pumpkindoodles · 10/10/2022 00:59

Whatever you do, ditch him

be by yourself, away from
your divorce, get over all this

then don’t get with men who seemingly use no contraception then demand an abortion when it doesn’t have any impact on him
he was fine with your situation when he was getting a shag, now it’s too messy suddenly

Re the pregnancy, do whatever you think is right for you and your existing children

VeridicalVagabond · 10/10/2022 01:06

What impact would having this baby and being a single mother have on your current existing children? They're more important than anything here, and their well-being is really what needs to be put first.

Ponderingwindow · 10/10/2022 01:10

He is not your partner. Nothing about your life makes this man your partner. He is a man you are dating and having sex with, nothing more. Pretending there is more to it than that given your current situation is a very bad idea.

this decision is ultimately yours. Proceed as you see fit. What any of us would do in this situation really doesn’t matter.

so All I will say is that the man you are dating is not wrong that this is a challenging situation. He is allowed to express that opinion. he just isn’t allowed to continue to pressure you. He should express his opinion and then step back.

SandyY2K · 10/10/2022 01:28

I don't blame him tbh. Hardly any man would want a child in these circumstances.

Lilithslove · 10/10/2022 01:38

SandyY2K · 10/10/2022 01:28

I don't blame him tbh. Hardly any man would want a child in these circumstances.

I agree with this but I also think that's his tough shit . Presumably he didn't insit on wearing a condom and what's done is done. The decision is yours and yours alone.
However, you still live with your ex so ultimately you've been treating this guy like a casual fling so you can't really be surprised he's not jumping at the chance to father your child.
If you do decide to go ahead with the pregnancy, which is your right, then you need to find yourself a place to live and be prepared to be a lone parent.

stillvicarinatutu · 10/10/2022 01:42

Op you have a bit of time to consider things - me ? I would get counselling and not see him for a while - if you do go through with this be prepared to be a single parent. Don't rely on him .

SandyY2K · 10/10/2022 01:46

Presumably he didn't insit on wearing a condom and what's done is done. The decision is yours and yours alone.

He thought she was on reliable contraception and I'm sure he wouldn't have envisaged any woman wanting a baby under these circumstances.

Sometimes I'm just shocked when people are willing to bring a new life into the world with a man they really don't know.

You're tying yourself to someone for at least 18 years and not enough thought is put into it. I'm all for freedom of choice in pregnancy, but it's worth thinking of the child too, as I'm getting the feeling money isn't free flowing, because the OP wouldn't sum be living with her Ex.
It's just a messy situation all round.

This is a while heap off stress.

You have kids who will be adjusting to not living with their dad, then bam...mum's having a baby with her new boyfriend.

It's best to prepare yourself to be a single mother of 4.

HighlandPony · 10/10/2022 01:50

This isn’t 1960 anymore. If you want your baby then have your baby. You’re not a first time mum, you know what you’re doing and what to expect.

Aretheyhavingalaugh · 10/10/2022 11:24

You should tell him it is in fact a baby at 8 weeks, the babies palate develops at around the 6 week mark and they will have all thier organs and be fully formed by 12 weeks, just very tiny. I can't believe how uniformed most people are ( not you OP) Good luck with everything

My partner doesn't want me to go through with my pregnancy

ChocolateSpreadOnToast · 10/10/2022 14:27

Sorry but you need to be prioritising your existing children. Their lives are already being disrupted by your ex leaving and your separation and now their mum is pregnant by a new partner. What a mess.

KangarooKenny · 10/10/2022 14:33

Could you cope on your own with a new baby if he left you ?

wormshuffled · 10/10/2022 14:45

What a sad situation for you all .

I'm afraid if he has said he categorically said he does not want this unplanned child you should respect that.

QuitWhileAhead · 10/10/2022 14:53

What an awful situation. If I were him I also would be devastated if you went though with the pregnancy. It's seems crazy to have risked pregnancy while you are in the situation you are in. Obviously both of you were responsible for that.
I'd be too nervous to continue due to the fact it might be a huge issue for your existing kids. You don't mention the ages of your existing kids but whatever their ages I think this is very likely to cause them more problems.

I understand that some people literally can't abort and that seems to be the case with you but hopefully these posts will help you understand why your boyfriend is so upset.
I imagine your ex isn't going to be thrilled either.

Doowop1919 · 10/10/2022 15:02

It's your body, and your baby too, op. You ultimately get to decide whether you keep the baby or not. You just need to be prepared to do it alone.
I personally feel if I were in this situation, my relationship would be over either way as I couldn't be with a man who put that kind of pressure on me. So the decision really needs to be made without taking him into consideration

Worthyornot · 10/10/2022 15:14

How stressful op. What are your plans after December when the house sale happens? Where are you and the kids going? It will be stressful enough getting them settled into somewhere new, will you cope being 6months pregnant and dealing with that? I think your existing children need to take priority here and they will be impacted very badly by a new baby. It will be too much for them.

Flip