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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Delayed cord clamping with dad having first hold

20 replies

Veganwolf · 04/10/2022 23:25

Hi all

FTM due in January. I'm not sure I'm overthinking this BUT

I really want DP to hold baby first, even just briefly, but I also would like delayed cord clamping too (max 5 minutes)

Do you think it's possible for both to happen? Has anyone done this? I'm imagining dad holding baby during the delayed cord clamping, then once cord is cut baby can come to me

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justanotherlaura · 04/10/2022 23:33

I'm a ftm too so I'm not sure, hopefully someone will come along with an answer soon.

If the placenta hasn't come out yet baby will still be attached to you, I imagine the cord would be too short to allow dad to have skin to skin before cord is cut. I think that's why baby is put on your chest to wait the extended time

Dyra · 04/10/2022 23:35

It's more a logistics issue tbh. Umbilical cords are rarely long enough to allow for your partner to not be standing virtually over you just to hold the baby. Far easier to have baby on you for a few minutes, then have cord cut.

YorkshireTeaCup · 04/10/2022 23:40

I did delayed cord clamping and found it quite uncomfortable even to have baby laid on my chest in terms of where the cord was stretched over you. I dont think the cord would reach for DH to have done the first hold unless he was literally sat at the business end and given blood loss, waters, midwives there etc, i preferred him to stay nearer my head.

We had the midwives hold baby up so DH could tell me the sex before anyone else, then delayed cord clamping, then skin to skin with both of us and then first feed (which didnt happen in the end as baby had an infection and ended up being very poorly. But the first sign was that she didnt feed after the birth).

Dyra · 04/10/2022 23:41

It's a bit of a hazy memory now, but DH helped hold DC1 on me immediately after their birth. So he had both hands on baby iyswim.

PorcupinePie · 04/10/2022 23:45

@justanotherlaura Is correct. The placenta can take up to an hour to come out (or up to 30 minutes if you have the syntocinon/syntometrine injection). During that time the baby really needs to be skin to skin with someone in order to keep it warm enough. It's unlikely that the cord would be long enough to allow skin to skin with dad whilst the placenta was still in utero.
What's the reason that you want baby to go to dad first rather than coming straight to you?

RJnomore1 · 04/10/2022 23:54

Cords can be very different lengths so it’s hard to think logistics. Having baby on you with dads hands holding them sounds like something to aim for. I hope it all goes well and you enjoy your lovely little one.

Skylark1990 · 05/10/2022 11:59

Skin to skin with mum immediately is really good for both you and baby, you are baby's home, baby will recognise your voice, your heartbeat etc, it helps with breastfeeding too. And ofc it will help with delayed cord clamping as the cord can easily stretch to your chest. I had delayed clamping with my DD it took about 15 mins for the cord to go white, and I had her skin to skin for this time. I had a bleed so after about half an hour she was given to dad and I was taken to theatre for stitches etc. Dad then had lovely skin to skin and cuddles.
Not sure what your reasons are for dad having the first hold but ultimately it's v good for you and baby if it's you and will help with the cord clamping being delayed, and dad can then do lovely cuddles a bit later 😊

Katapolts · 05/10/2022 12:06

Just let the baby be born and have a few minutes to recover before you hand over to dad. It's a big shock for the baby too and they need to adjust.

MassiveSalad22 · 05/10/2022 12:09

Hard to plan really! In reality, a midwife or obstetrician will be have the first hold.

viques · 05/10/2022 12:13

everyones priority after birth should be the baby’s comfort and wellbeing. Lovely that your partner want to start their parenthood journey so quickly, but in the end, it isn’t about his needs and wants it’s about what will ease your baby’s entry into their new world of noise,light, touch ,movement and air.

olderthanyouthink · 05/10/2022 12:17

Unless DP was between my legs there's no was he could have held either of our DC till the cord was cut. He did cut the cords and with DC2 he spent hours holding him skin to skin while I slept after the birth which is a special memory for him, he didn't miss much by not holding them as soon as they were out. DC2 was latched straight on a boob too.

Original poster

Veganwolf · 05/10/2022 18:21

Thanks all, I know it can be a logistics issue with cord length. I like what some have said about both having hands on baby during 'first hold' during delayed clamping.

For me I wanted dad to have first hold (only briefly) as I've carried my baby for 9months and felt all of her movements etc and just want him to have his moment with her. Skin to skin with mom is important of course however many mothers don't get immediate skin to skin for various reasons so not too worried about lack of bonding/latching/baby not being on my chest for a few moments :)

OP posts:

bakewellbride · 05/10/2022 18:25

There was a brief point when I vaguely wanted this too but it's in the baby's best interest / best for their heath and well being if the mum has the first hold so that's what we went for. I held the baby first each time. Dh's 'special bit' was cutting the cord and obviously holding the baby after me.

ShoesEverywhere · 05/10/2022 18:38

This was my plan but honestly all three times I've just wanted to take the baby, it's like a crazy instinct and it's such a rush of emotions/endorphins. As soon as the cord was cut each baby went to dad and he was always topless in preparation. He can then hold baby while you get your lovely long shower post birth!

CJones11 · 05/10/2022 18:46

When I had my first the cord was pretty short. I had a water birth and my partner was in the pool with me. He held me while I held our son. After around 10 minutes of skin to skin, he cut the cord and took the baby to cuddle/bond/dress etc while I delivered the placenta and had stitches. Once all that was done (it took a while) baby came back to me for first feed.

I think this worked well for us, we both savoured those first few minutes as a 3 then he took his responsibility while I received some care. Definitely speak with your midwife on the day and be clear that you want to delay card clamping and the rest, just go with the flow.

My partner had the option to be the one to 'deliver' our son but wanted to be my support in the pool instead!

Mariposista · 16/10/2022 23:24

I think this is lovely OP and it sounds like you will be a great team as parents 😍
My DH was the first to ‘hold/touch’ our daughter when she was born and then we geld her between us, and my mother gave her her very first bottle shortly after (as my gran did for me many years ago). It all worked out exactly as we wanted and we were so happy.

Hatscats · 16/10/2022 23:41

Baby came straight to me, I just birthed her so no way was I not holding her, did skin to skin while the placenta came out, then dad did skin the skin while I had some stitches, then back to me for boob.

sevenbyseven · 16/10/2022 23:57

MassiveSalad22 · 05/10/2022 12:09

Hard to plan really! In reality, a midwife or obstetrician will be have the first hold.

Probably, but not definitely. I had a water birth and I was the only one to touch/hold my DD for the first few minutes when she was born.

Creepybookworm · 17/10/2022 00:07

Whose benefit is this for? If you want to put the baby's needs first then the best thing is immediate skin to skin with mum for the first hour.

Hopevoyager · 17/10/2022 08:13

In that split second after birth the feeling you'll likely experience is of an inate need to hold your baby. I think it's lovely that you want dad to share the closeness with your baby that's you've had throughout your pregnancy but in those moments I don't think you can underestimate how nature works.
Skin to skin with mum is great for bonding as well as physiological changes that that you'll still be going through as you enter the third stage. Also baby's whole circulatory system will be adapting to outside life and the immediate warmth and closeness you can give will help to regulate their breathing and heart rate.

I personally remember with most clarity the moment my son was lifted onto my belly, the felling of how hot he felt and the sensation of him still being attached to me is one of the strongest and best memories I have of his birth. That was twenty years ago.
I'm not implying that you feel this way at all but there really is no need to feel bad about holding baby first, dad can be hands on too in those moments.

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