Pregnancy anxiety

[daisychains76]

Hi,
Looking for support. Found out just under a week ago that I'm pregnant for the first time. (5 weeks) Husband and I are delighted and I can't wait to have a baby of our own.

However I am really struggling with anxiety. I have had anxiety most of my adult life and have had counselling for nearly 2 years, which made a huge difference. However on learning I was pregnant (and in the process of trying) I have found it has returned with a vengeance.

I think one of my biggest anxieties right now is around the feeling it's a big 'secret'. I have a lot of anxiety around feeling unwell/drawing attention to myself and I think the constant fear I'm going to be invited to a social occasion/asked why I'm not drinking is causing me major anxiety. I'm worrying about things days/weeks in advance. I stayed with a friend last night and used the antibiotic excuse but I felt so anxious the whole time that she knew something was off (when she probably had no idea) I think it's possibly a bit too early to be feeling morning sickness but I know the anxiety is making me feel unwell anyway and messing with my stomach (as well as hormonal changes I'm sure)

I also have a lot of anxiety around losing this baby because of my the stress and anxiety j feel! Vicious circle. I'm sorry if I'm making a big fuss, I just feel really isolated at the moment and I so badly want to tell somebody but I also respect my husbands desire to want to wait until our 12 week scan. I'm sure this feeling will pass eventually but I just want to know I'm not alone.

Thank you x

Heya congratulations on your pregnancy!

I can only offer my own experience, I was anxious before I caught pregnant, now 27 weeks. The big secret period was tough, but I suggest the antibiotics excuse or say you fancied cutting down for a month.

It's not too early to feel sick, i felt sick at 4 weeks (and thought it was anxiety!) but it went by 11 weeks.

For me, the first 12 weeks (or 7 weeks where I knew) were hardest in many ways. I did tell my closest friends but hiding it at work and the tiredness was tough.

You're definitely not alone. I had a panic period about 2 weeks ago and midwife got me to see perinatal mental health team who have helped a lot. Also recognising and being diagnosed as anemic and taking iron helped mh anxiety massively.

Wishing you the best of luck, you're definitely not alone x

Can you talk to your husband about how the secrecy is worsening your anxiety?
Its also OK to talk to your GP about this. There are brilliant peri-natal mental health midwives and obstetric teams and you can be referred to this team for additional support during your pregnancy (I was and I got CBT and found it helpful).

Mumsnet is here in the meantime for you to find likeminded people to go on this journey with you!

Thank you for your lovely words.
I've tried to give myself some time to myself this weekend and I actually felt a lot better being in a work routine today.

I've decided that there may be a couple of people I would benefit from telling to help ease my anxiety and we've also decided to book in an early scan as I think it might help reassure me a little.

Thanks for being so lovely x

Your anxiety is miserable for you but I promise it won’t cause the pregnancy to come to an end. I had an awful time with anxiety in early pregnancy so empathise with how tough it is.

It would definitely be a good idea to share the news with some trusted people who can support you. I think waiting to the 12 week scan isn’t always helpful, as whatever the outcome, you may need or like support from loved ones then.

I hope you can feel better and calmer soon, but be reassured that what you’re feeling is normal x

Thank you everyone.
It really does mean a lot that I'm not alone.

My husband has a work ball this weekend and I was always invited but we agreed earlier in the week that I wouldn't go because my anxiety is really bad at the moment and the paranoia of people knowing/not drinking might be too much.
But now he's spoken to his manager because he wanted to explain why I wouldn't be there (it's a charity ball and his work have paid for places for everyone) and his manager has told him not to be silly and I should definitely come and there would be others not drinking so I shouldn't worry and I think my husband is really keen for me to come again now.
I feel so torn because I totally understand why he wants me there, especially when others have their own partners but the anxiety is also making me feel dreadful and panicky. I'm just not sure what to do. I know if it were the other way around, I would want my husband there.
I always knew I was going to go but the minute the plan changed earlier in the week, I started to relax and I can't bare the idea of the change again now.
Any words of wisdom. I feel so overwhelmed today.
Thank you xx

Hi OP , sorry you’re struggling with your anxiety around pregnancy.
I’m 6 weeks pregnant and have been quite worried about the not drinking excuses, I’ve now told everyone I’m doing ‘Sober October’ to have a break from drinking before the Christmas period starts, by the start of Nov I’ll be 11 weeks and I’ll just avoid people for another week. Could you maybe do the same?
I feel a lot better now I have one excuse for everyone and don’t have to keep coming up with different things and worrying whether people will believe each excuse.

Would having an early scan to reassure you that everything is looking ok be an option? And it may help you to relax a bit more and break the vicious circle around losing the baby and worrying. I read a statistic on Tommy’s website that after you see the heartbeat between 6-7 weeks the chance of miscarriage drops to 10% which has really helped to reassure me.

Congratulations on your pregnancy!

If it helps, don't keep it a secret. I didn't keep mine a secret, told pretty much everyone close to me by six weeks. I'm not the type of person who would have been able to keep it to myself if something went wrong, I'd have told everyone for support anyway, so it actually made things 100x easier for me knowing that people knew and I didn't need to make excuses for not going surfing with my friends or drinking at functions.

Also, people don't care that much, in the nicest possible way. Nobody fixated over my pregnancy or even mentioned it again until I did.

I had some brown discharge at 6 weeks, I was worried about it, but it was made so much easier knowing I could speak to my friends and family about it. Obviously not everyone is like me tho! That's just my experience! There's no right or wrong way!

Just take every day as it comes. I had a scan at 9 weeks. It was great to see the little wriggler and made me feel so much better, maybe that's an option?

Also, I came off mumsnet for a few months as you don't tend to get many people posting about their easy stress free pregnancies. More a lot of horror stories, and reading them will make your anxiety even worse!

Look after yourself 😊

Hi everyone just an update that I went to the ball and had a really lovely time.
It was honestly so busy that I didn't feel I needed to excuse myself for the non-drinking . I just said I was driving and no one questioned it.
I actually had a really lovely time and it was very interesting to do something like that completely sober.
I was really looking forward to climbing in bed and feeling fresh this morning but husband has been up all night throwing up as he enjoyed himself a little too much. He's super apologetic today but hey, good practice for looking after a little one eh! Hahaha
Thank you for all the lovely advice and support. I feel mikes better now that's out the way and we've also booked a early scan for a couple of weeks time (8 weeks) to put my mind at rest a bit.

Thank you again :)