Numb

[Yubgftr]

Found out I was pregnant last week. Two previous early losses but since had loads of fertility acupuncture and now on aspirin and progesterone too. I feel like I've been doing everything I can to take care of myself.

I was happy and surprised the day I found out but since then I feel very numb. Like my ability to feel any strong emotion around pregnancy is gone.

For the other pregnancies I felt lots of joy/ a bit of anxiety etc but then both ended quite traumatically in first trimester. I feel like this time my brain is blocked or can't process the information. Me and my partner don't want to talk about it together, we carry on as normal and never mention it. I want to put off telling people for as long as I can if I get that far. I can't bear having to tell work again as HR know about the last times. They were very supportive but I don't want the fuss or special treatment or assumptions - I just want to be very low key and keep it private.

I feel like this is some shameful secret that I need to keep under wraps and hide. I can't imagine ever 'announcing' or enjoying this.

I had therapy after last loss and seeing therapist again soon so will discuss with her but it's such a strange feeling and I don't know what to do. I obviously would love things to go well but no idea what will happen so it feels wrong to get too invested. The medical professionals I've had to tell say 'congratulations' but it feels like it's not meant for me.

For what's it worth I can empathize, after a late miscarriage in my first pregnancy (21+5) I had awful anxiety through my second pregnancy. We told my parents and father in law, our siblings and our bosses. No one else knew. No one at work, no wider family, no friends, for the whole pregnancy. We never felt confident in announcing it and were scared all the way through. I'm not saying that's the right way to do but what I'm saying is to only think about what you and your partner need to do that will work for you.

I informed HR officially around 31 weeks and only told one person who was very understanding and helpful. No one else at work knew until after he was born.

Unfortunately I never enjoyed pregnancy, but we got through it which was the main thing. I do hope you can get to enjoy it later on.

A gentle congratulations and good luck, thinking of you

I feel for you. I found out I was pregnant by my ex after he moved out and really struggled to feel anything other than anxious.

Please be gentle with yourself. Just take one day at a time there is no obligation to emote in any particular direction. It's especially understandable, after previous losses, that you wouldn't feel jubilant yet. How far gone are you?

@InABigMess Glad you had a successful pregnancy after such a terrible loss. I always like to hear about successes as it gives me hope it might happen to me.

@Whataretheodds only 5 weeks so it's very early still. I'm having a viability scan in about 10 days

Gosh, definitely don't beat yourself up about not feeling confidently happy yet! I hope everything works out well and smoothly for you.