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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Antisocial at Antenatal?!?

39 replies

Paranoid1stTimer · 24/01/2008 18:01

Hello

This should probably be posted under a different section but I don't know. I am just being really weird and unreasonable but my DH did not want to come to any antenatal classes as he feels they are a waste of time and effort and he wants to have his nights to himself - fair enough I suppose. He works his socks off day in day out and the last thing he would want to do would be this!

Anyway, I am now left to attend during the day antenatal classes for women only - which is good cos I won't feel out of place being the only one without their partner there.... However, to be totally honest, I am a bit antisocial at the best of times and HATE meeting new people face to face in these kind of situations. I am just really shy and quiet and I know from my whole life experience that people generally don't like quiet people cos they think we are "weird" or stand offish when it is really the fact that I am scared to do or say something stupid and that no one will like me.

Please don't give me a hard time about this - I am just looking for some advice and/or to see if anyone else feels the same or if I am just a complete freak.... It was actually really difficult to post this but I am sooooo nervous about this 2 hr class - with a break where I will have to "socialise"!!! HELP!

I know - I am such a saddo...

OP posts:

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fairylights · 28/01/2008 13:24

sorry haven't had time to read all posts but would just say:
everyone there is having a baby for the first time and all of them will be nervous about that, whether they are hugely gregarious or not! I think having your first child is a great social leveller coz no matter what you background or personality you are all about to experience a life changing event. Although i felt v different to everyone in my antenatal group (they were all a lot richer than me ), and it felt like hard work to start with, we still meet up now 18 months on and although we are not best friends somehow there is a really nice bond between us. Let us know how you get on, all the best

newgirl · 28/01/2008 13:38

im not a confident person but my thoughts are this

it is important to go for the information - you are cutting off your nose to spite your face not going

rather than thinking about what you might say, and what you might feel, why not think about the others instead? perhaps ask a question then sit back and let them talk instead.

its obvious really but the reason that these classes encourage mums to chat is that most of us could really do with the support when baby arrives - i think that there are some nightmare women out there - but you may meet just one person at the group who supports you, you support them, and you might actually become good friends - give them a chance!

Booboobedoo · 28/01/2008 13:51

I talked more than anyone else at my NCT class (combination of nerves and having Drunk At The MN Fountain of Knowledge), and was told at a later date by one of the other women that it was like being in class with Hermione Granger. .

I've lost touch with all of them, actually, (partly due to the type of comment I've mentioned above) and my baby's only 10 months old.

We found it the most useful for my DH really: teaching him how to be a good birth partner.

Hope you enjoy it. If not, you can always stop going and just use MN instead. Like several others have said, they're not compulsory.

HairyToe · 28/01/2008 16:03

Most people who know me would definitely have me down as super confident but I have also found situations like this hard. And once the baby arrives you've got post natal groups, toddler groups... going along can be quite daunting but in my case it was worth it to make some friends and stop yourself from getting isolated.

I'm at the stage now where DD1 is making her own friends and I'm having to make conversation with their parents. It can be hard work if you haven't got anything in common. Hope that doesn't make me sound like a misery guts.

Having kids does seem to force you into social situations which otherwise you might have avoided - sometimes this can be a good thing but sometimes to be honest it can be a bit of a pain!

love2sleep · 29/01/2008 13:30

Does your DH know how you feel? It sounds to me like you could really do with some support from him right now. While I completely agree that these classes are not compulsary I do think there might be a wider issue about whether you have a right to expect some support from him. My view is that if you want to go and are finding it hard to go on your own then he should be prepared to help you.

Good luck

littlemama · 30/01/2008 13:31

Hi paranoid, i never could psyche myself up to go to the classes alone, my dh refused point blank to go too, but when it came to giving birth I knew nothing! The midwife kept saying 'use your breathing' and i had no idea what to do, i had tried to research the antenatal stuff in books and on the net but it's not the same as a class where you get practice. The birth was pretty scary and took a long time to get over. Go to the classes! They won't be as bad as you think, and it's practice for all the mother/toddler groups later! group things are scary, but nothing compared to giving birth unprepared.

indiechick · 30/01/2008 13:39

I went along with my husband and everything was fine until at one class we were watching women give birth. One was a normal delivery in hospital, one in a birthing pool and the third at home. We were watching the home birth one, the woman was in her kitchen leaning over the work surfaces moaning quietly in early stages of labour. Husband enters the shot and stands behind her rubbing her back. Now I can see where my husband was coming from as it did cross my mind, but he pipes up 'well it's hardly the time for that is it!', entire class turns to look at me and cracks up laughing. Needless to say, I didn't say stay in touch with any of my ante-natal class.

scaryhairycat · 30/01/2008 14:36

indiechick!

ChairmumMiaow · 30/01/2008 18:28

DH and I found our NCT classes really helpful and 3 months later we're all emailing regularly and meeting up most weeks for lunch and other baby-friendly activities (great walk this week). Its really a wonderful help in getting me out of the house and we never tire of talking about babies!

You might not be quite so lucky with your group but its your best opportunity to meet people at a similar stage to you, and the information was priceless for me and DH

turtle23 · 30/01/2008 19:55

I am truly excited about my pregnancy, and as a result I am very well-informed (and being on here nonstop makes it "worse") but I now have my NCT teacher saying things like "Oh I wont be asking you, since you'll already know the answer and then some." It makes me feel very uncomfortable around the others, and have just had a very nice email from one telling me not to worry.
I am very shy and hate speaking in front of people. Unless it's about home births, water births, etc. as I feel very strongly abou these things. Damned if I do, damned if I don't.

whomovedmychocolate · 30/01/2008 20:00

Everyone is there on their own though. The whole point of antenatal is to meet and make friends - honestly, once you've shudder in unison at the forceps demonstration and seen the 10cm dinner plate that apparently is your cervix you'll be fast friends!

LOVEMYMUM · 30/01/2008 20:39

Hi Paranoid.

I have just finished my ante-natal classes and I enjoyed them.

If you really don't want to go, then don't force yourself, but it's lovely to meet other mums and exchange stories. I feel much more prepared now for labour (and yes, i have exchanged phone numbers).

Original poster

Paranoid1stTimer · 01/02/2008 12:29

Thanks again for the replies - didn't realise my question would raise such a response! I am really struggling just now with feeling really really low TBH which I had before I got pregnant anyway so sometimes the hormones just make it worse and I have been a big fat chicken sh!t and STILL not been to my antenatal class. I know MW will give me a black look at my nxt appt and try to convince me to go and I KNOW I will regret it if I don't but honestly, I wish I was just normal like all you guys as I am indeed cutting off my nose to spite my face by not going...

I have my 2 sister in laws telling me to just do what I want to do and not to go if I don't feel up to it but what I think I really want is everyone to bully me into going so that I will force myself to go and then if I hate it I can blame them for forcing me!!! Ha ha...

Sorry - I think that was too honest!

OP posts:

Excitable · 01/02/2008 13:43

You poor thing - I can't believe that you are the first person to feel like this about ante-natal classes. I have a lot of admiration for people like you because I talk too much when I am nervous and would be too scared of the midwives to refuse to go. Then I would embarrass myself by saying something stupid. It's just going to happen.

A friend of mine finds these situations really difficult too and she says that she always has three things in her head that she might say to people as you're standing there with a cup of tea. They don't have to be interesting things, but they help her: things like:

isn't it a nice/nasty day?
these biscuits are nice, aren't they?
have you come far?
is this your first pregnancy?

You're just as good as any of those people there and you seem really articulate - they should be clamouring for the chance to talk to you!

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