Noisy road and pregnancy stress

[Charl1991]

I’m not sure what advice I’m looking for but I am at breaking point and feel like I have nobody to talk to, I can’t cope right now.

I am 38 weeks pregnant and moved house two days ago. Reason for the move was we needed more space for the baby (had a tiny two bed no storage). This house was over budget but everything else we saw was horrible, this seemed really nice when we viewed and perfect for raising our little boy, we decided things would be tighter money wise but we would get by and it was worth it to give baby a lovely home. The energy hike happened as we were waiting for it to go through and we’ve been getting more anxious about affordability, but didn’t want to pull out as baby was coming and we needed a decent home.

After some delays we finally got to move in 2 days ago, which was knackering at this stage of pregnancy. At first I was really happy with the place. Then I tried to sleep that first night and realised how unbearably noisy the road outside is! We viewed at the weekend and knew it would be busier in weekdays, but I’ve never actually lived on a road before and had no idea how much of a disturbance it could be. I’ve had two nights of no sleep, feeling like I’m being tortured by the sound of traffic massive thundering trucks and motorbikes flying by all hours some playing music. I’ve been awake since 3am crying in frustration and regret. The previous night I had no sleep at all

Ive realised that I hate this house. It’s so ugly outside and inside. I hate every single room, the layout, the flooring and the decor is vile as the previous owners liked very dark things- even some of the radiators are black. The kitchen looks like a mortuary. None of our furniture goes. It’s very cold compared to my old house. The shower doesn’t work properly and even the toilets are uncomfortable to sit on. We can’t afford to get new stuff so we are stuck with horrible mismatched decor. But worst of all is the road noise is unbelievable. There is double glazing already so I don’t see how it can be improved. It’s truly unliveable. I can’t sleep a wink and I don’t see how my poor little baby is going to sleep through the sound of trucks thundering by. He deserves so much better and I just wanted to give him a lovely home.

I’m also on my own with boxes and dismantled furniture everywhere, as my partner had to go on a business trip the day after the move. And I’m terrified of going into labour this tired and distressed, on my own, in this horrible place. I’m worried for my baby’s health because I’m so distressed right now. I have to go to work today too.

My partner is upset and annoyed as I’ve called him in the night crying saying I hate it here and need to leave. He’s worked so hard to help us buy the ‘dream house’ and I pushed to get this one even though it was over budget, now I’m saying I hate it and can’t stay here.

We’ve just paid 6.5 k in stamp duty as well as all the fees and deposit, 5 years fixed term mortgage with massive exit fee. So we are trapped here aren’t we? I myself so much for not realising how shit this place is and how loud the road would be.

You've been there less than a week. I personally think you need to give it more time.
You're pregnant and tired, it's understandable you're emotional.
Is your bedroom at the front of the house? Could you move to one at back?

You will be getting nesting instinct hust before birth so spend a little of that energy making some interior changes.
Otherwise you will get used to the noise..it will become a background noise soon enough. Baby will sleep through and be fine.

I think you are cycling, and I'm not saying you aren't feeling rubbish but you need to give it more time and try and get yourself out of the circles of not sleeping and crying.

I'm sorry you are feeling rubbish, can you buy earplugs to help you sleep? They are very cheap from boots etc. Getting a good nights sleep is hard in that stage in pregnancy, never mind how you are feeling.

Also, get paint and start painting the dark things. Even if its just a quick fix until you can afford to do it again properly. Yes, painting is safe to do during pregnancy, just get the room well ventilated. Best of luck!

I really think you will get used to the noise. Baby will absolutely sleep through it so I wouldn't worry about that. I think it's quite common to have 'the fear' after a big move. Just park those feelings for now and see how you feel in a month or so once the dust has settled.

Don't worry about your baby OP. They sleep through this kind of noise! (They might wake at a sudden noise but not at constant rumbling traffic noise.)

Could you look into some double glazing?

Honestly you will get used to the noise. I used to live on a main road in London - you stop hearing it after a while.

Oh goodness you poor thing.
Not to minimise how you feel, but you've literally just 2 days ago done one of the most stressful life things - move house- you're also in the last stages of pregnancy and your partner is away and you've got to rock up for work! I honestly think anyone would be knackered!

You're very likely to find that once you settle in, the road noise will become 'background' and won't disturb you in the same way. Babies will sleep though pretty much anything anyway. I get that any kind of noise can be annoying but at least traffic is quite a consistent sound if that makes sense, and far less stressful than a noisy neighbour who might blast out music at any moment.

As for the decor, can you plan what you'll do when you can afford to? I imagine you're about to start maternity leave so yes money will be tighter but think a bit longer term. Worst case scenario is you get the house decorated more tastefully and do any other improvements when you can afford it and then sell say, 5 years down the line. A house will always be a good long term investment and it sounds like you can do a lot to make it brighter and nicer.

Ah you have my sympathies OP. Moving at 38 weeks pregnant sounds very stressful!!

Honestly I barely slept that late on in pregnancy, even without a house move and new noise to get used to, so it doesn’t mean you’ll never sleep again.

Don’t worry about the baby sleeping, they love background noise. And you will get used to it yourself although it might take a bit longer.

Have you got anyone you can ask to come and help put furniture up/help you unpack? Try to focus on one room at a time and you’ll feel more like you’re making progress.

Sorry just seen you’re doing in to work. When does your mat leave start? Can you finish work any earlier to give you time to sort out the house?

You will get used to it and don't worry about your baby, they will sleep through everything and anything. Just don't be tip-toeing around when they are napping.
You can get your windows and doors resealed around the outside of the frames. We did this and it made a huge difference to the noise and also warmth of the house. It isn't a huge cost, we paid about £300 for 22 windows.
There is the option of triple glazing but it is costly.
You've only been there a short time and I never sleep well in a new place straight away, let alone at 38 weeks pregnant. You're tired and stressed and unfortunately that is just going to amplify everything. Things will get better.

just wanted to reassure you that you will get used to the noise - we live near an airport and the first week or so I felt like I woke up every time a plane went over (about every 5 minutes!). Barely notice them now, my brain just tunes them out. Give it time. We’ve also got a 5 month old and the noise has never bothered her at all.

You will get used to the noise, truly you will. Otherwise nobody would ever be able live on main roads, near hospitals ( siren noise) train tracks and stations. My sister lives near an RAF station and the noise of the cargo and military planes flying over is unbelievable As I child we moved to a house where the train tracks passed the bottom of the garden The first night my mum never slept a wink but after a week we never noticed it.
As for the decor you’ll soon get around to repainting and redecorating. Experts says you should live in a home for several months before you redecorate and alter your home so that you don’t make expensive mistakes
Youll soon settle in x

What everyone has said above is so true. 38 weeks pregnant, moving house, partner away, new noises and the house won’t feel like your home yet. You said you loved it when you viewed it, try and focus on what you liked about it initially. Definitely give the place a lick of paint and put your stamp on it. Think about your first Christmas with your new baby and making it all Christmassy ☺️ Also, just to note, you can port a fixed mortgage, so if you did want to move before the 5 years is up, you just move your mortgage across x

The house I grew up in was on an A road. I didn’t even realise how noisy it was until I moved to a house in a quiet little cul de sac. The quiet freaked me out! You’ll get used to it.

the baby will never know anything different and will sleep through it.

have you got any family and friends who can come round and help you get stuff sorted? If you can get some furniture sorted and boxes unpacked it might start to feel a bit bit homely.

Firstly, sleep in the back bedroom now. Then get triple glazing for the front window.

You're exhausted and overwhelmed. It's going to be ok. The baby will be absolutely fine, as long as you are.

First, earplugs. The silicone waxy ones are really good.

Concentrate on getting one room cosy and set up. One step at a time. Lots of people live happily and safely on main roads, it will be ok. Moving house, even into a dream home, at the end of pregnancy has got to be one of the most stressful things, but you're in and you're safe. It's not perfect, but life isn't, and that's ok.

You've had some good advice already but mine would be:

Buy an eye/headphone mask and play white noise or whatever to mask the noise:
Like this
It's what I used when I worked nights.

Focus on one room to get sorted, I would prioritise the bedroom and do what you can to make it as homely as possible.

Get a tin or two of white paint and paint the worst of the darkest colours.

When I lived in a house I hated I made a list of everything that I felt needed changing, it was 3 sides of A4!! I then ordered it from things that were cheap/quick to the longer term and more costlier projects. It helped me feel like we had a plan of action and I had some control, even though initially the list made me want to cry more. I could see that we were improving the house one project at a time.

It helped me feel like we had a plan of action and I had some control, even though initially the list made me want to cry more. I could see that we were improving the house one project at a time

I think the above is spot on, and excellent advice for all kinds of difficult life situations. The most stressful thing is feeling you have no agency over things. Actually acknowledging that you can take actions to change things feels daunting at first but by breaking it down into a series of steps you'll begin to see how you can improve things bit by bit.

We moved to this house nearly 2 years ago, our last house was very much a practical -it’s in the right area and is the right size and we can afford it, but nothing special at all type purchase.

This one is almost my dream house tbh, it’s so much nicer, bigger, better.... we literally went OMG while viewing it.

For the first two months after we moved, I hated it, I wanted to go home and I couldn’t because we’d moved. 😂

Add in all the other stuff you’ve got going on and it’s no wonder you feel like that.

You are overwhelmed. There's too much going on.

Have you got anyone you can call to help you build the furniture? Once you've unpacked a bit and there is less chaos you will feel more settled.

I've moved a billion times. It's always difficult and sometimes it takes absolutely ages to get used to the new house.

Just try to get one room you can settle in to, don't t try to do too much and go,out if you feel like it's getting on top of you.

Just found out about the stamp duty reduction that came in today, so completing 2 days ago (rather than today) has cost us an extra 3k

Thanks for all your helpful suggestions and kind words it is such a help. There are no back bedrooms I can sleep in, both doubles have windows on the front,m. The back one is small and filled with wardrobes and boxes, wouldn’t fit a bed in.

@SalviaOfficinalis I’m working next week then on ML. I could tell them I want to finish now as I’m struggling, but I was actually glad to be in today and have some normality!

I felt totally panicked like this when we bought our first house - we discovered a massive structural issue that the survey had missed and couldn’t even put furniture on the floors upstairs until the support had been fixed. I literally could not cope with the stress of it all and spent days thinking I had condemned us to a life changing financial mistake. Fast forward two years later and I now love the house (even though it’s a money pit) and we are still (slowly) doing it up. I just wanted to let you know that I completely recognise the sheer restless panic of feeling like you’ve done the wrong thing and can’t undo it, but the feeling is highly likely to pass.

Secondly, have you thought about internal shutters for the windows? We live in London and put these in the front bedroom. They are great as added insulation, shut out a huge amount of noise and keep everything nice and dark.

Finally, if you really can’t stay long term, it’s worth checking whether your mortgage is portable (despite the fix). With the SD change, prices may rise in the short term so you may be able to sell it at a profit and port your mortgage to a new home.

best of luck!

Definitely get some of the boots soft in ear earplugs to get some sleep now.

You will adapt to the noise and your little boy will not know any different so you'll find will sleep well! It's actually good as it means noise in general less likely to disturb his sleep (I know older babies who will sleep through talking, dogs barking, vacuuming etc as they are used to it!).

I agree with advice to decorate just one room, whatever makes the most impact. I know you said the decor isn't your tastes, but is it in reasonable condition eg no chunks out of walls? If so, decorating a room will be cheap - just paint!

Little update: been here over a week now and have put blackout and thermal curtains in the bedroom which helped a little with the nose. But honestly I’m not feeling better about the house, just worse each day! I hate the busy noisy road, and so much other stuff about the house that wasn’t apparent to us when we viewed.
— The living room window is an impossible shape ( an L shape with a wide ledge) so I don’t know how we can put curtains up. We just sit and listen to trucks thundering by all evening feeling freezing. The only proper solution we can think of is triple glazing which we can’t afford. There’s just no peace it doesn’t feel like a home but some
motorway hotel.
—The stairs are scarily steep, I just found out the woman next door was paralysed from falling down hers!
— All the houses in the street are unattractive and poorly maintained, it’s a terraced so sandwiched between two scruffy houses. So if we manage to spruce ours up it will still look crap.
—It’s freezing in every room, feels damp and drafty. There’s a weird smell that won’t go which I think is damp. I can also smell cigarette smoke in the living room and I think it’s coming from next door, how can I stop that?
—Today it rained and the garage flooded as the door doesn’t fit properly, and we had water coming through the roof in multiple places. We’ve had to buy sand bags and book a roofer to come and assess it. Nothing came up in survey but the previous owners must have known about it?! My stepdad says the door needs fully replacing and will cost thousands, and the roof obviously needs new tiles.
— The previous owners did such a shoddy job with everything we keep finding more problems. None of the light switches or plug sockets match, paintwork is crap, there’s loads of uneven walls and holes in walls, the light switches are in strange places, the toilets aren’t screwed down so they move when you sit on them, there is no beading around the skirting boards and there are visible gaps, some of the flooring is cheap and nasty and none of it matches.
— All the paving in the driveway is loose and uneven so that I struggle to drive my car into it, it feels dangerous to walk on. The tarmac leading up to the drive is full of potholes too.

The list of urgent jobs is now going to costs thousands that we don’t have. That’s without buying any furniture. Just can’t believe it. I just don’t know how we have made such a huge mistake. I think the housing market has been so bad we just had to compromise to the extreme and didn’t pay enough attention to potential issues.

People who have been over clearly think it’s a shit choice as they keep saying things like ‘it takes time’ and ‘it has potential’ and ‘maybe it can just be a stepping stone’.

My partner hates it and has told me he feels dread, regret and depression every day about the purchase. Says he feels ‘very low’ and like he isn’t coping. It seems like he’s so focused on how awful the house is he has no energy to support me at 39 weeks pregnant or to prepare for the baby, every conversation is problems with the house and not being able to afford necessary work. He just seems angry all the time and is snapping at me. I’m so tired and upset, nearly packed a bag today to go stay with family but that would cause drama. I feel like this house could end my relationship!