Absence due to pregnancy- feel guilty! Need reassurance

[Strawb27]

Hi everyone, I’m 10 weeks pregnant now and I’ve been suffering with all those pregnancy symptoms.. morning sickness but mostly struggling with exhaustion. I’ve been trying to get to work as usual although doing my busy nursery job with children where I would normally be full of life is proving so tiring. Today I decided to put myself first and call in sick, but all day I’ve felt overwhelmed with guilt that I’ve given in and had to be off sick. I’m conflicted between guilt and knowing I’ve done the right thing.. my workplace haven’t been that supportive, my teacher I work for (I’m a TA) hasn’t once asked me how I’m feeling which is getting me down and affecting my mood, I just want them to reach out a bit more to me. It’s wonderful that I’m pregnant, but I’m just wanting to confide in them as well about how I’m feeling.

I’ve decided to stay off tomorrow as well. I’m pretty much stuck to the bed, so so exhausted. Please reassure me that being off work with exhaustion is normal and common?!

Thank you
xxxx

I think it's an industry thing, I'm a teacher and often feel more unwell that the thought of phoning in sick than I just go in and work even though I'm not worth a button. It's like there's some sort of unwritten rule that unless your head has been almost fully severed you should ve at work. It's, mind my French, bullshit. Go to the doctor, get a proper sickline and don't give it a 2nd thought. You're just a number to them, take some time to rest, the sickness will likely wear off in a few weeks and you'll be able to get back to business x

My typing there was terrible. A teacher who can't write a sentence 🤦‍♀️ I meant to say I feel so unwell at the thought of calling in sick that I just go in anyway... 🙈

(If its any consolation I quit altogether when I reached 7 weeks, so you're doing well by my standards 🤣)

I took some time off in my first trimester OP. And I’m the lucky one who can WFH a lot of the time - but there have been a few weeks when I just couldn’t go on without a nap in the afternoon and generally have been unproductive, with the exhaustion, brain fog and nausea. A few days off here and there really helped. I felt like I had flu all the time - never felt so tired in my life, not even when I had pretty bad chronic insomnia. The exhaustion stated gradually improving from around week 13 and by 16 now I’m almost feeling normal again, and being very productive. No regrets for giving myself a break earlier - after two miscarriages as well this pregnancy is very important for me and I don’t want to stress myself out - bad both for me and the baby. Be kind to yourself and your LO x

Don't feel guilty. I'm a teacher and took 4 weeks off because of morning sickness!

Take the time off, pregnancy is hard!

I've had two pregnancies so far, and both were just rough. During the first pregnancy, I vomited all day, every day for 7 months. Anything could set me off projectile vomiting; I was the exorcist. For the second pregnancy, I had the exhaustion which just knocked me off my feet. Then the vomiting came, then intense pain, as my body did not like being pregnant.

During my first pregnancy, I had a very physical job. I took rest days and spoke with my manager to tailor what I could do when things became difficult or unsafe. They weren't supportive, and they didn't like it, but I'm glad I did. My body was a little broken (lousy back ever since), but I know it would have been worse if I had just carried on.

For the second pregnancy, I was doing my PhD, which was lab-based. The pregnancy was horrendous, and I took off about 6 months. The first 3 months were in dribs and drabs because I worked in a laboratory and did not want to be throwing up there! During the last bit of pregnancy, I had 3 months off because I couldn't move without pain.

You're health and wellbeing are the most important. Be as open as you want; some people will be surprisingly helpful, and others won't. But that's their problem, not yours!

I hope you begin to feel better soon :)

I am almost 8 weeks into my second pregnancy. Had some morning sickness with my son but it was manageable! This time round it has floored me. I’ve been feeling constantly sick since before a positive test at 3 weeks. The last week has gotten worse and I’ve been off for for 3 days now as I am just totally exhausted and feeling sick 24/7.

I feel exactly like you about being off and I keep feeling like I need to pull myself together but it’s impossible as nothing makes it go away!

I guess what I’m saying is we need to cut ourselves some slack - growing a baby is HARD work and takes a lot of energy.

sorry you feel rubbish - let’s hope it’s not too long until things improve for us!

Sosick thank you so much for your reply, you have made me feel so much better about it all and it’s nice to know you’re in the same boat. My post was mainly about exhaustion but the last couple of days my sickness has got soo much worse, so I’m staying off till tomorrow which is 3 days like you. Your sickness sounds awful, really feel for you. Are you actually vomiting? This morning I tried a piece of dry toast and then brought it straight back up… I’m worried that I’ve got to go back to work Monday (don’t have to but feel like I should) and what if I don’t feel any better? How much time off am I going to end up having cause I can’t afford it either. I am feeling quite anxious about it all. It’s nice to speak to someone with the same worries, let’s keep in touch. Sarah xx

I was a nursery nurse and unpaid for sick yet made to feel awful for daring to to be off. I still carry that guilt with me twenty years later. Sometimes you just need to be off and look after yourself!

Thank you for your kind message, really appreciate it! I am finding it hard and I get the feeling my colleagues just think I’m just fine but I’m struggling- and surely that’s not uncommon! Xx

Thank you for your message. Oh dear that’s not good, but I worked in nurseries and they were a bitchy culture. But I’m in a school now and I still get the feeling colleagues are bitter about me being off, mainly because I haven’t had a message since I was off wed when they’ve all got my number, I feel disappointed and it makes me on edge so that when I arrive back on mon morning and there’s no ‘how are you feeling?’ I’ll feel so awkward and upset. There’s a bit of a culture in my school of being ‘strong’ and just getting on with it, and that’s what I’m feeling right now xx

Aww no that sounds awful! That’s made me feel better, thank you😊

I don’t know why you would feel guilty. As above, I’m a teacher and was signed off for pregnancy sickness. Now that you’re pregnant it’s time to realise that you should always put your own well-being above your job and in future, you put your own kid’s needs over those of other people’s kids. That doesn’t mean you don’t care about your work. It’s just sensible priorities. Take as much time as you need guilt free - and contact your gp to be signed off if you need it.

@Strawb27 i think sometimes although it doesn’t take anything away it’s a comfort to know you’re not in it alone. I have only actually had 1 vomiting episode on Tuesday - which was the worst day by far. It was awful, I feel so sorry for people who are vomiting all the time! mostly for me it’s just the feeling of really strong nausea though, it’s the constant feeling with no break that grinds you down.

I know exactly how you feel. I should be in work tomorrow but can’t even think about going in as I am so worn out. From reading pages and pages of posts I think the best way is just dealing with each morning and afternoon as it comes. I’ve struggled to eat anything this week and the feeling of hunger makes it so much worse, but even watching people eat on tv has been making me heave (sorry if TMI). tomorrow I’m going to try regularly eating little bits throughout the day and see if it helps at all (if it doesn’t at least I’ve tried!)

completely relate on the anxiety front too - I’ve been having the exact same thoughts.

hope you manage to get some rest this evening. Yes let’s definitely keep in touch xx