Social services

[ttc2603]

Had my 20 week scan today I've been to all my midwife appointments and my hospital appointments which is obvious I'm not neglecting my child. Today the midwife said because I've missed calls with my doctor at the hospital which btw they didn't even come through to my phone but said if I miss 3 phone call appointments that social services could be involved. I think this is ridiculous I have shit signal at my house and I leave my phone on loud all day when waiting for these phone call appointments and I've never received any? How can they say they have to get social services involved if I don't answer the 3rd time as it's not my fault. Anyone else experienced this?

Is there a health reason why the doctor is calling you from the hospital? I'm only asking as I only had midwife appointments and scans, so seems a bit odd.

If they rang, did they not leave a message for you to return the call. If you didn't receive the call, I would be contacting the midwife and checking they have the correct number for you if they've been trying to get hold of you.

Bit odd to threaten social services.

Not this but I missed a HV appointment, didn’t even know it was planned she just turned up when my daughter was born and I wasn’t in, she called and couldn’t get through to me apparently so she called my mum (NOK?!) and said If she wasn’t able to get hold off me she would ring ss 🤦🏻

Given that you are going to need a landline for emergency use once you have a baby why not just get it installed now and give out that number?

@reallyisthisallthereis I don't even know what it's for myself I thought it was only midwife and scans I'll have. Antenatal phone call appointments with a doctor? Which I thought was a bit odd because I thought you go through everything with midwife/hospital. I did double check today and it's the correct number they have but I haven't received any calls on the days they are meant to be ringing me it's so stupid as ss is a bit far as I'm not neglecting my child at all!

Why would she need a landline?
I don't know many under 50 with one now.

@SpinningFloppa I think it's ridiculous how they can threaten ss for something that isn't our fault! It's a joke really as they have no valid reason to even involve socials? What happened after that did she end up getting ss involved?

@JenJones5 I didn't think of that until I got home earlier. I will ring them tomorrow and give them the landline one as I'm sure I won't miss appointments then. Thankyou

Because she has no mobile signal so has no way of calling an ambulance in case of an emergency.

Do you have any other stupid questions?

I would contact the midwife to find the doctors name and ring them back at the hospital to find out why they have been trying to contact you.
You would know if they had been trying to ring as there would be a missed call. So put it back on the midwife to find out what's going on.

What??? I don't have a landline 🤨

I didn’t know at that point hv weren’t compulsory so I made sure I saw her as soon as possible, I was only 22 if it had happened how I would have pointed out to her that it is an optional service so she has no right I still feel annoyed now that she threatened that for no reason dd was my first baby so no previous involvement etc for her to be concerned.

@JenJones5 oh yeah your follow up makes sense, Sorry!!

Back to the original point, that does seem strange unless the doctors calls were scheduled appointments. I had a couple of scheduled video calls with a consultant, was it like that? If just ad hoc calls then totally overboard on their behalf as you could be at work or otherwise engaged when they call.

It sounds like they already had concerns about you/ your partner.

What has been happening or reported before? Have there been domestic violence call outs? Mental illness?

@MbatataOwl it's my first child so they have no reason to be concerned. Nothings been reported as me and my partner have a great relationship and also both our mental health is fine so I don't really understand why.

She said she had poor signal not no signal and I'm assuming there are neighbours.

Want to make yourself look anymore like a twat?

Midwife's have to be on the lookout for potential problems and sounds like your one is doing her job, but possibly could have been more tactful. However, I would be more intrigued as to why the hospital doctor is calling you than worrying about SS. Just get in touch with hospital and ignore the comment from the midwife. And maybe get a better phone!!

I think this is tremendous waste of resources given that (on here seeing the amount of mh related posts )you can see there is higher need for mh and other issues.

Can you let them know that you have been very regular in all your scans and if they can't get through due to network issues they should consider leaving a voicemail or text before jumping guns. If this doesn't get through to them then don't worry SS have lot of reasonable and understanding people just explain them the situation, I honestly feel they will close your case.

On a lighter note don't let them know that you were on mumsnet typing past midnight and clearly not sleeping on time 😘😘

Yes. At 15 weeks pregnant I turned down an extra 16 week scan and I got reported to SS for "neglect of an unborn baby".

Which is a nonsense. Fetuses do not have any legal rights and as an adult woman, I have the legal right to choose what healthcare I want, it is not obligatory.

The NHS is absolutely abhorrent and trigger happy with these types of nonsense referrals and just do it to tick a box. It is coercive, bullying and not at all woman centred.

Nothing came of it and nothing will come of yours.

But please, DO make an official complaint to the hospital Trust. Write to your mp.

I actually spoke to a news reporter about my experience.

I have since declined all nhs care and am using an independent midwife. Screw the nhs. They're nasty bullies.

I'm so sorry for your experience! Pregnant women absolutely do not need this kind of extreme stress. Shame on them.

To further explain, SS called me and told me I HAD to comply with the hospital, had no choice in the matter and if I refused, they would take my baby away after it was born. It took getting a solicitor, calling AIMS, Birthrights and the press to make them back down.

Again, it was an informed choice to wait till my 20 week scan. I did not miss appointments, I politely declined one I felt I didn't need because the blood tests confirmed my baby was fine. I simply didn't want to waste nhs resources.

Oh! One more thing. When ss call, they will probably ask your permission to conduct a full assessment of you and come to your house.

Refuse permission. They can't do an assessment without your consent. Ask to speak to the manager of the department and make it clear that you have the legal right to choose whether you want to answer the phone whether or not you have a crap signal. Healthcare is always optional and not obligatory and any decisions you make in your pregnancy are your business because it is your bodily autonomy.

SS know the law. It seems like the NHS do not. Or don't care. They just want to control women's bodies.

I’ve never heard of anything like it. My youngest is just 8 weeks and I’ve missed loads of appointments both during this pregnancy and after it. None of my friends have either and we’ve all been in the same boat with a lot of missed appointments.

Surely the simplest thing would be to enquire what the doctor would like to discuss because as PP mentioned it’s not standard to speak to speak to a doctor unless you are consultant led pregnancy which you obviously should know about. Then explain you have a poor signal and ask if it would be possible for you to call them at a time which suits or get in touch with the doctor’s PA. Must ado about nothing.

To be honest, take Swordtotheflamethrowers advice if you want, but if SS call and you just explain that you've got bad reception and that as far as your aware you've missed no calls/been to all your midwife appointments, they close the case as they don't have the resources to chase you. By kicking up a fuss and speaking managers etc you are more likely to encourage them to investigate as they will think you are trying to cover something up. Your choice though.

Your midwife is being OTT in saying she will report you but is essentially doing her job, they have trigger points at which they are told to refer and is just quoting that rather than looking at the bigger picture. Honestly, don't worry and like someone else said, I'd be more concerned about why the hospital want to speak to you and ask the midwife to clarify/chase that up

I don’t think that this thread is the appropriate place for your conspiracy theories.