expecting number three - so am I mad?

[clary]

This may seem a bit silly but I just thought I'd see if there was some online support from the lovely mumsnet pals. I'm pg with baby no 3 - it's planned and we're delighted. I shall have three pre-schoolers, but being in my late 30s didn't really want to hang on too long. The weird thing has been the reaction from people. Close friends have been really sweet but a lot of colleagues/more distant friends have said either a) is it a mistake? b) you're very brave! or c) are you mad? Certainly didn't think I was mad. I just love and adore my little DS and DD so much, and I really wanted three. Maybe these people don't actually like their kids that much, or resent them for taking their lives away (as they see it?) - in which case why even have two? Actually I feel my kids have given me my life and made it so much more meaningful. I would never condemn or question anyone who had eg five children or maybe just wanted one - fair enough, it's your decision - so why are people saying this to me? AM i mad?? please all you mums of 3 or more, come to my aid!!

For the first three years of our marriage, when I rang home, my step-father (note:notmy mother!) would ask hopefully if I had any "news" for them!

I told my mum I was pregnant with my 3rd at abt the time Cherie Blair had had hers. My Mum made some comment abt what a struggle it wd be (something abiut weak knees)at our age (I was in fact only37) and really showed without putting it in words she thought i should have stopped this lark by now. Strange, I only just remembered this while reading this thread, feel v annoyed abt it now. Just felt a bit confused at the time i think. I certainly didnt have the absolute confidence during that pregnancy that I had for the other 2. Whether tiredness or peoples attitudes, probabbly a combination..

The only time I've ever asked or hinted 'was it planned' is when I've known that someone was not 'trying' to conceive and I've not known whether to congratulate or commiserate. But I've never been blunt about it as some people are.

My comments to people with more than 3 children are usually in awe of anyone who can cope with more than 2 children. I have 3 and readily admit that quite often they are too much for me. We have a mum at school who has 8 children yet she is always immaculately dressed and made up and apparently cool, calm and collected. Here am I - no make up, jeans with goodness knows what spilled down them, hair a mess and a harrassed expression. How do they do it?

Hey, 8 is nothing, we have woman at school with 19, yes 19, aged btween 2 and mid twenties. She looks quite normal, no more tired than the rest of us. Dont know her well enough to ask how on earth, why, etc. No obvious strange cult membership but you never know.

My dh and I are trying to have #4 and I dont even want to tell my mom when I actually am. At least not for a while. I know shell just say neg stuff like, "why would you go and do that" or "your never gonna get ahead if you keep having kids". I know we arent rich and dont have a house with enough rooms but we both love our family and want to add to it no matter what. My mom always gets over the negatives after a couple days but its the inital criticism that gets on my nerves. She complained about all 3 pregnancies. Nothing bad just that she wished I would of waited till we had our own home. I think it was the timing because I had so many things going on in my life at the time of each pregnancy. She got over it and now its like the kids are her children she can never get enough of them.

soyabean, NINETEEN???? I wonder how many tries it takes her to get the right name?

Oh everyone I am overwhelmed by your lovely comments, thank you all so much for being so supportive. It's interesting that several people have had similar comments, are people rude, or do they just not think? I would NEVER ask if it was an accident. The point about "one of each" etc is a good one, a friend has three boys, everyone assumed she was "hoping" for a girl with no 3, in fact she just wanted a healthy baby! Janh good point about unversity fees, seriously that was one of the few things that gave us pause about doing it again, but what the hell ! Batters and Lindy, more power to your elbows for just wanting one and sticking to it. As you say, it's your business, and in fact if you feel so reluctant Lindy it would be irresponsible (by which I mean unfair to yourself and children) to have any more. It would be terrible if people had a second baby while not wanting it just to satisfy convention - as bad as me not having No 3 for the same reason! Impressed with your friend with 19 soyabean...are you in Lincoln? seem to remember reading about someone there with massive family. Anyway, thanks to all and don't worry, I am enjoying being pg even if I'm on the iron tablets already AND none of my clothes fit...

Soyabean - perhaps she hasn't realised what's causing all these babies yet?

This is me tiptoeing into the pregnancy section and whispering that I too have reason to be here. I too am expecting my third child. I am very pleased at the idea though daunted at the idea of coping with a pregnancy and two pre-schoolers! I have always wanted more than two children though.

I am only 7 and a bit weeks so have hardly told anyone yet but am, thanks to this thread, expecting lots of comments about it being my third.

congratulations Hilary - hope I can come & join you soon!

Congratulations! Hilary

I along with so many others hope to be where you are soon. Who knows maybe in 2 weeks I will be. Good luck.

Whoops, I have got a bit ahead of myself and am actually only 6 and a bit weeks!

How are you doing, clary? I keep thinking of you and wondering if the comments are still coming and whether you are managing to brush them off.

At only 7 weeks, I haven't told many people yet but my family were fine about it, but then know me well enough to not be surprised that I might want three. Apart from that, just the doctor and, I confess, I did feel a bit awkward telling him I had two boys already, like I was being greedy or something.

There are some people I KNOW will think I am mad though.

I have twin ds's who are 4, and I would love another one.The only thing that has put us off till now, was the thought of the childcare bill.
Even though we both work pt and only have to pay for two days,the bill for three in child care would be a bit steep for us.The boys go to full time school in September,so we could start trying now !!!Dh is sitting on the fence a bit, though.
I know my parents would be shocked, they said,"OH NO"!!(and were serious), when I told them I was expecting twins.I felt realy let down, up till then, I had been so excited, as it had taken me well over a year to get pregnant.

clary, i think its wonderful news that your pg with no 3. I have four children and would love one more. Mine are older now, but i did have three under four. Its great to see them all grow up together.Just enjoy them.

clary, i think its wonderful news that your pg with no 3. I have four children and would love one more. Mine are older now, but i did have three under four. Its great to see them all grow up together.Just enjoy them.

clary - are you due soon? Just found this thread - I have four children, ages 7, 5, 3 and 1. I've had three pre-schoolers for two short periods. I love them all to bits - find their interactions fascinating - and couldn't imagine life with only one or two.

May be it's where we live (fairly rural)but 3 is definately the new 2 here,in fact I am struggling to think of many families with less than 3.In my middle ds's class most of the children either seem to come from families of 3 or are only children.Is this a new phenomemon, a sign of the times?
I have three;9,6 and 18 months ,I would love to have four but you have to draw the line somewhere and dh would be pretty horrified!