Is it normal to feel like this?

[gingerninja85]

Please don’t hate me for writing this, I feel like I need some reassurance that what I’m feeling can be normal and will resolve itself.

Weve for a gorgeous 19 month old girl who we both absolutely adore. Both myself and my partner has always wanted two children and being at the end of my 30s decided to start trying sooner rather than later. It happened straight away and when I first found out I was excited!

I had a great pregnancy with DC1, no morning sickness, no nausea, I felt great right until the very end. I was so excited! This time round I’ve felt rough 24/7 (I’m 9 weeks gone) my body feels like it’s not going to cope well with this pregnancy and everything feels like it’s falling apart. It’s making me a bit miserable.

Id hoped we were going to have another daughter so that they could have a good chance of having a nice relationship with each other. I don’t have a great relationship with my brothers (and neither does any of my friends with brothers) it’s a big issue for me that I don’t have a lovely relationship with my siblings. I got an early scan at 8 weeks and sent it off to the Ramzi theory people (I know, I know) and everyone guessed boy, which disappointed me a little.

Anyway, my reason for writing this is essay is because I’m feeling like I now don’t want this baby. I’m not excited by it or anything and it just feels like it’s all wrong. We’ve already got an amazing daughter, and yes I’d always wanted her to have a sibling but now I just don’t know.

Of course I’m going to love this child with everything I have and I’m just hoping that these feelings are an amalgamation of hormones, feeling like crap, knowing I’m probably going to be feeling like crap for a long time and worry over how the kids will get on. I’ve never had depression and I don’t feel like it’s depression, like I don’t feel down all the time, just when I think about this baby. I’m just worried that these feeling may spill over into life after birth.

So please, if anyone has experienced similar and has come out the other end happy I’d love to get some reassurance. Is this normal for second time mums?

If you got to the end of this essay, well done and thank you for reading!

I know how you feel. I’m due my second baby any day now and have a 19mo DD already. I keep going through waves of feeling like I don’t want this baby, but I think it’s more that I am worried about how having a second baby will affect my relationship with DD. I’m also terrified of the logistics of having 2 under 2!

I’ve been reassured by mums with similar age gaps between their kids that there is nothing to be worried about and that once baby is here they just slot right in to the family, but it doesn’t stop the odd intrusive thought that I should have just left it at one!

I will return and let you know how it all pans out when baby has arrived.

Thank you @Flibbyjibby its reassuring to hear I’m not the only one feeling like this. I keep telling myself it’s probably normal especially as we already have one daughter who we feel we’ve lucked out with 😂

I think it's important to acknowledge these feelings but then move on from them quickly.

Bumping for reassurance :)

I've definitely felt way more disconnected to this baby (no. 2) during pregnancy than with my first. I think because I know what's coming. So before I was super excited, but also then super shocked when I had a baby at my life changed dramatically (and I thought I was quite clued up!). This time I think, although I am excited deep down, the anxiety about the nights and 2 young children is playing on my mind.

How far gone are you? I've just got to 30 weeks and I am starting to feel a bit more openly excited

I think second pregnancy is different from first because you have less time to rest and take care of yourself when you're running around after another toddler - certainly been my experience anyway!

Sibling relationships are tricky, I think it has a lot more to do with the kids' individual temperaments and upbringing than people realise. I know some brothers and sisters that are really close and have a lot of fun together (usually ganging up on parents or pranking each other), and some same sex siblings that are either really competitive or distant, it's not something you can predict or guarantee.

I'm expecting my second as well, and only just starting to feel excited in 3rd trimester because I've been worried about how I'll cope with two and how it'll effect my relationship with the firstborn, but I've been assured by friends this is normal.

Second pregnancies always "feel" different than the first. But what I would say is that the closest sibling relationships I know are brother and sister ones. My second pregnancy was twins and trust me you adapt very quick!

@gingerninja85 hi, sorry I can't say much about the second pregnancy part but just trying to reassure you, I have the best and closest relationship with my brother, he is my bestfriend. There is 6 years between us. I always wanted a sister and rmemeber being so upset finding out it was a boy but I would never ever want a sister now, we are polar opposites but we get on sooo well x

Also can't give two cents about the second pregnancy but re sibling relationships, it is very much dependant on children's upbringing and enviroment!

I also had an awful relationship with my (older) brothers but my family as a whole was mia since i was 7. As an adult i still love them but i moved a country and speak to them all once a year if not less. But we had no adults to give us guidance and were left to do whatever we found fit (and so their pranks got really out of hand). Their groups of friends at the time were also not the nicest and that dictated a lot of their behaviours!
My husbands relationship with his older sister is everything a sibling can dream of! They are incredibly close and call each other every week in their late 30s! To me that only happens in movies as I dont even speak to my own mother that much..

About feeling not excited for the baby, I had terrible first 16 weeks of pregnancy and honestly, i regretted getting pregnant altogether. I was so miserable, tired, in pain and sick ALL THE TIME. Once it all improved (i am on Omeprazole throughout tho) i started to connect with the baby more and now at 32 weeks i cant wait to see the little one :) i spoke a lot about how i feel with my husband which helped to unload mentally.
I think a tough pregnancy can really affect how you feel about having the baby. I would certainly not knock off the fact that you're at the peak of hormonal changes in first trimester (weeks 7 to 10 are the worst) and stay positive this will change in the second. I was counting days intil my 12 weeks but only started improving around week 14 or 15 i think. If you still find it hard to connect with your baby, maybe its worth speaking to your midwife. I hope it is all just very temporary! ❤️