Distancing yourself while pregnant

[MaisieRed]

Hello,

I'm currently 32 weeks pregnant and since around week 26 I have felt like I have distanced myself from my partner. We have been together for 3.5 years and up until the start of august we were inseparable. Every time we weren't together I'd feel horrible and miss him dearly.
We both work at the same place and have the same days off so we were always together.

But I have been off of work since august due to having a huge dip in my mental health. And feeling hopeless and even suicidal at times. So being by myself has become a regular thing and I don't feel that horrible about it anymore. I feel quite used to it now. And even though I do prefer him being with me I don't feel like I'm counting down the minutes until he's home anymore.

A huge part of my depressive episode this time was based around the fact that I was feeling very numb emotionally and I couldn't see my future. Including my future with my fiancé.
This really worried me because it was making me feel that it was that way because I was falling out of love with him.

It comes and it goes now it's not so constant. Ill go days feeling slightly better and remembering why I love him as much as I do. And some days the worries come back and I feel very solitary again. Feeling happy In my own company.
I just feel like something has been turned off inside me and I just feel this hole that used to be filled with immense love.

I'm still struggling to picture my future and most of it I just picture me by myself looking after a newborn.

Has anyone else experienced this?
It's killing me to think that I could put my self in a position to lose the love of my life.

Hey op, have you been diagnosed with depression? Are you on medication / having therapy? This sounds to me like your feelings of numbness and distance are to do with depression, especially as you said you had an episode on August. I'm not a mental health expert though.

I think sometimes when we feel depressed or we are going through a huge life change we can distance ourselves. It is very likely this will change especially if you get the right support.
But also, feeling more self resilient and not desperate to see your fiance when apart isn't necessarily a bad thing - it's good to feel ok in our own company and have faith in our strength independently 😊 it might be that how you feel about yourself and your relationship is shifting but that in no way means the relationship will end. All relationships need to evolve as we do, in order to stand the test of time.

I would ensure you have some good talking therapy and perhaps if you can talk about how your feeling with your partner without upsetting him ofc. Hormones during pregnancy can also wreak havoc on us. And it could be that your subconscious is going into survival mode e.g. perhaps you're afraid of being alone with this baby, so your mind is convincing you that would be ok?

Lots of potential reasons for this but it doesn't sound like you will lose the love of your life, sounds like you still love him! X

Thanks for the reply.
I have been diagnosed with depression since I was 15 sadly and anxiety since I was 5. As well as ocd. I'm currently on antidepressants and talking therapy. It seemed to work at the start but it's hard to control the worries in my head. Acting as if I'm losing feelings for him.
My fiancé is really understanding thankfully and I have no doubt that he will stay by my side during this. It just seems like there's no way out. And I'm trying to convince myself that it's just hormones as I never felt this way before pregnancy. I agree with you on the idea of it being survival instincts. I hope it's that. It's just when I picture myself in the future i can never imagine myself with anyone else but I can picture myself alone. Which is just scary. I know we can get through this It just feels like there's no way out. I have realisation periods where I know he's the person I will spend my life with and marry but I'm just having a hard time picturing it.

Many thanks again for your helpful reply

Aww it sounds really hard. Pregnancy hormones can definitely cause anxious and depressed feelings so pregnancy is probably exacerbating it all. Just keep talking to your husband and your therapist and know this feeling with change. There are lots of subconscious reasons we go through phases like this. I felt quite depressed for a while during my last pregnancy, and also feel really low ATM in this one as I am so sick 🤢 I know it's different, but you're not alone. pregnancy is hard ❤️