Hey OP!
(I've ended up writing toooo much, pick and choose, just want to reassure you!)
I'm expecting my first too!
I'm in third trimester, and I'd say first trimester was most difficult - that's how I realised I was pregnant - felt hungover and moody for a while haha
I'd say it's pretty fair and reasonable that you feel out of your depth - having a baby is a big deal! But in a good way. I've started reframing my freakouts about "losing my identity" or "changing identity" to adding to and enriching my identity.
Who cares if you don't feel good with others' newborns?! You didn't spend 9 months with them, feeling their little twists and turns. And they don't all look or smell that nice. But yours will smell the best and look the best and all its little noises will be very cute and important and groundbreaking ;) This is a new little person that the world hasn't seen before, and you have the wonderful role of bringing them safely to the world.
Food: It'll come back. For me I got really into cold soups as I was so thirsty through the summer. Maybe once you're back on food you can find something special as a pregnancy delicacy that you'll enjoy cooking to nourish yourself and baby?
Coming out of your vagina... lol yes not the nicest thing to look forward to! BUT that's partly why you have one. I follow a few doulas on Instagram, - the naked doula and egg hypnobirthing, sure there are more. They help me reconsider what birth is and the process. Who knows how each of us react till we're in labour, but why not go for the positive and stay calm with these women guiding us - they have so much more experience than we do. We were all born weren't we? Women are strong and you got to embrace that and be proud.
Before I knew I was pregnant I was having a bit of bleeding too, please stay calm, as far as I can tell that just happens. Once when I was about ten weeks i had the most excrutiating pain in my side followed immediately by a burst of blood, and since then have been fine. Apparently it's round ligament pain. Maybe uterus getting used to it all.
Of course I'm only speaking from my limited experience, and for sickness and bleeding your midwife and doctor can help you, make the most of them.
Yep I get you with the not spelling your name thing - my husband go to the point of printing me business cards for my hospital visits so I can hand them over instead of speaking through covid barriers to spell my name, hospital number, EDD etc. My first hospital was all paper based - soooo inefficient, the midwife wasn't up to date at all, now my new hospital uses an app, way better. Just so you know you're not alone and yes it's frustrating!!!
What helps you through stress and anxiety? When I'm down and spiralling I let it all out on paper/typing, write down every awful thing I'm thinking and how awful I think all the people around me are. I add and add, no holds barred and feel sorry for myself. There's no aspirin for a mood like that. Then the next day when it's passed, I insist on reading it again and see how much of it must've been a panic or hormonal. I can then refer myself back to that clarity the next time I feel down and spiral, to reassure myself it'll pass and it's hormones. Does that make sense? It helps me catch myself. But if the downward slope goes too far probably that isn't such a good idea... again always be open with your medical team, they will take you seriously.
I think for all us expectant mums and partners we need to prepare for the event we get severe baby blues/PND because you never know who it'll strike, at least equip yourself to work on it as quickly as possible.
The light at the end of the tunnel will come, and I don't mean waiting nine months - hopefully second trimester! You'll find a new lease of energy.
TAKE CARE!!!!! You got this