Dealing with someone else's miscarriage whilst pregnant

[Yrmyfavourite]

Hello,

My sister has recently suffered her second miscarriage in the space of a couple of years.

I am 16 weeks pregnant with DC2, it took 3 years to conceive DC2 and it was 5 years and a miscarriage before we conceived DC1 as, i have pcos so, we really do have every empathy for their situation.

My sister fell pregnant within a month of stopping contraception on both occasions so, she has said she feels reassured that they can conceive fairly quickly and has said that she is sad but, feeling generally okay about it. We've tried checking in lots but, she just assures us that she isn't struggling and just getting on with things. However, any mention of our baby, for example; in the family group chat, she doesn't respond or changes the subject. She's always very active in the WhatsApp group but, keeps ignoring anything to do with the new baby. I get it, I really do but, I’m wondering if I need to stop talking about the baby as, I don't want to upset her or, seem like I’m gloating somewhat.

DH and DM say I shouldn't feel this way or stop mentioning the baby as, it's not fair on us for the baby to be treated as some sort of 'dirty secret'. I see both sides. I’m already feeling premature mum guilt for feeling as though this pregnancy is on the down low as, when I was pregnant with DD, everyone in the family was so excited and constantly asking questions and keen for updates from us (she is the first and only grandchild at the moment).

Looking for advice on how to move forward without being insensitive to their situation, without overshadowing how truly excited we are for DD to finally have a sibling on the way.

Thanks in advance!

If it were me I'd keep mention of my pregnancy to a minimum for now, but that's just me. My best friend is infertile, and me not mentioning my baby to her much was no reflection of how I felt about having one. The reality is that second pregnancies are less of a talking point than the first one. I am a third child and it didn't mean people loved me less.

I would just message people who are interested privately and save the family group chat for other topics for now. That way no one misses out but you're being sensitive.

Coming from the side of your sister, we have had a lot of losses and struggling with infertility (no children). All other babies and pregnancies we were very excited about in group chat, however it being the only couple within the family not to have kids and hugely struggling the group chats got too much with constant pictures, updates etc. We ended up leaving the group chat to protect our own mental health.

Go easy on the group messages. Wishing you love on your pregnancy

send people private messages rather than on the group chat. She clearly is upset about things (understandably), so see if you can ease things a little bit.

It’s a tricky situation, been there.