Is it possible? Is it worth it? (Pregnancy and motherhood)

[Wannabemummy1992]

Hi all new to Mumsnet.

PLEASE NO HATE

I turned 30 this year and for the last 6 months or so I have been obsessed with having a baby. I dream about getting pregnant and being pregnant. Whenever a baby is born in a TV show I'm watching I get emotional. I feel like I've left it too late even though I've only been with my husband for 5 years. To add to this I'm just under 20 stone (please no hate or shame) and 5 ft 2.
I've been on the contraceptive implant for about 8 years. I also have really bad diagnosed OCD, anxiety and depression and on sertraline and aripriprazole. I also have 2 cats that i dont want to give up. I don't know what to do whether to give up on the baby idea or whether to try. I've got it in my head to wait 2 years to save up (please no hate, living pay check to paycheck) then by then my implant will have expired and will need to come out and then according to my works handbook I can get enhanced maternity pay. What do people think? I can't get rid of the urge to have a baby but is right for someone like me? Please no hate, I'm hard enough on myself already.

Someone else will be able to give you a view on whether it’s ‘worth it’ but you’re in a great position!

I’m the same age and trying now (over 30) has always been my optimum, definitely not too late! We also have 2 cats and not sure why you’d need to get rid of them?

Financially, are you sure it’s 2 years for enhanced mat leave? That seems a very long time. Are you sure it’s not 2 years by the time you give birth? So you could start next year or so.

Have a a think about what you want, but 30, married and having had responsibility for some pets seems ideal to me, good luck!

Kindly you are overthinking it.
Lots of people have babies and cats, are overweight and have babies and don’t have a lot of money and have babies.
theres lots of Second band options. I slept in a drawer - my parents had no money when I was born.
Have a baby. Try not to worry. I was married under a week before I was pregnant. 5 years is plenty of time.
It will be ok.

Go for it.nothing to think about here.

If you want a baby then really that’s all that matters!!
You’re 30 which is definitely not too late! I had my first at 32 and would love to try for a second around 35-36 so don’t worry about that.
If you plan to wait for your implant to expire in two years I would say that’s the perfect time to prepare yourself. If at all possible put a little money aside for saving. even the smallest amounts help as babies are extremely expensive but you can get lots of good quality items secondhand.
I would look into taking folic acid and maybe some other multivitamins as lots of women can be low in folic acid and that can hinder getting pregnant.
the cats aren’t a problem. Many people have pets and babies but if they do sleep in your bedroom and you feel this is something that would add to your anxiety with a baby then again you have time to get them used to sleeping in a separate room beforehand.
I’d say your biggest obstacle is your anxiety and depression. Babies are very hard work especially if you don’t get an “easy” one and I have to say my mental health took a HUGE beating to the point I developed pnd and pna that I’m now on sertraline for as well as getting cbt. However you’re already aware you have these and are getting help for them which is fab. During pregnancy the midwife will ask you about your mental health and I would be as honest as possible so you can get as much help to prepare before the baby comes. Other than that, a good support network is very very helpful. If you have family close by than that really does make a big the difference. We didn’t and with my partner at work I struggled a lot on my own.

Are you seeing a councellor? Your thoughts are a little chaotic so it'd be helpful to get them in order.

My biggest concern out of all of yours would be the medication and the OCD. My ex had OCD (around germs, continually washing hands) and it does rub off on your children, mine washed their hands far more than other children and were very reluctant to go to toilets outside the home due to him. I was very young and naive when I married him. I would spend the time you have before you try to get that side under control and perhaps, if possible, lose a bit of weight but I know how difficult that is........ But yes, most definitely worth it😍

I didn’t even know if I wanted babies at 30! Got pregnant at 37.

think you’re in a great position, you’re already considering and planning for it, and either now or in 2 years, your age is very good. Plus you have an established relationship, another plus.

we have a cat and she knows to run away from little annoying crying humans, she comes to me to pet her when my DD is asleep 😂

I’d do research and talked to the gp about your meds, see what they say, I’m sure they have options for pregnancy, you won’t be the first woman taking those.

I don’t know if your weight can influence your chances of getting pregnant but a dr. can advise there as well, and being young and having potentially 2 years to prepare for everything, meds, weight etc, puts you ahead of many many women.

on the other hand, if this wait worsens your mental health, I’d say start trying now, with no stress, knowing it may well take a year to get pregnant.

Equally be ready to also only take a few months , don’t do like me, get pregnant the 2nd month and be totally unprepared for it 🤣

I’ve had 2 kids in my 30s, have 2 cats which I wouldn’t ever get rid of.

out of interest, why do you think people would hate on you for wanting to have a child in a stable relationship while still young?

You would be a great mum because all a baby really needs is a loving family.
I think you're overthinking- I was a similar height and weight when I had my first (although have since done slimming world because I want to instil good eating habits for my kids)
Severe postnatal anxiety after my first meant I was on sertraline when I had my second son. No ill effects.

Perfect parents don't exist.

Oh forgot to mention I also have (and had) cats- the kids love them!

I feel like I've left it too late even though I've only been with my husband for 5 years

I just had my first baby, I'm 33 & have been with my husband nearly 15 years. There's no "right age".

To add to this I'm just under 20 stone (please no hate or shame) and 5 ft 2

You already know it would be a good idea to loose weight if possible, but bigger people can and do have babies. It may put you at higher risk for certain conditions and your midwife will be checking more regularly for these.

I've been on the contraceptive implant for about 8 years. I also have really bad diagnosed OCD, anxiety and depression and on sertraline and aripriprazole

You can ask to speak to the perinatal mental health team for a preconception medication review. I had one with a specialist pharmacist as I take an SSRI.

I also have 2 cats that i dont want to give up

Why on earth would you give them up?? I have two cats, no issues at all with baby. DH did the litter trays when I was pregnant but I technically could have done them with very thorough hand hygiene to mitigate the risk of toxoplasmosis (which is pretty low anyway).

I don't know what to do whether to give up on the baby idea or whether to try. I've got it in my head to wait 2 years to save up (please no hate, living pay check to paycheck) then by then my implant will have expired and will need to come out and then according to my works handbook I can get enhanced maternity pay

This sounds like an excellent plan.

You need to get your mental health problems sorted before having children. You need to be in recovery mode.

It’s not fair to introduce a child into a life like that - you can’t hide it and it will rub off on them no matter how much you wish or hope it wouldn’t. Children pick up on everything.

Not only that but having children, as amazing as it is, can also be very stressful and it may exacerbate your mental health problems.

So you absolutely do need to get them sorted first.

I had my first at 32 and am now pregnant again at 34. So no you definitely haven’t left it too late. I know one woman from work who had her first at 43!

speak your doctor about the meds you are on ahead of conception, try to lose a little weight if you can and try to put whatever money aside you can (even if that is only 10£ a month)

I agree with pp, two years service before conception seems along time for enhanced pay. I would check the policy again.

in answer to your question ,yes it is worth it. Good luck 😉

I had my first at 35 when I'd been with my husband for 10 years and am having my second at 36, almost 37.

It's definitely not too late for you at 30, or even 32.

If you need more time to prepare and become more financially stable, I'd start seriously trying to improve your physical and mental health while you're waiting, as it will put you in a much better position to go through pregnancy, childbirth and parenthood.

Thanks for your advice. I think maybe I am over thinking it 🤔 I do worry about my cats though as one can be anxious. I've read that fertility can nose dive after 32 I just hope I can have at least one as I've always been maternal. I will be spending the next few years trying to shed some weight sorting out mental health and saving up for baby! I've already got names picked out! 🤣🤫