Going from 2 - 3 children

[SarahK1990]

Can I have some pros and cons of having three children. I’ve found out I’m pregnant which wasn’t planned and now I’m so stressed. My husband is saying we can’t afford another and things are just too difficult with three (going on holiday - rides at Disneyland because it’s only 4 seats lol) we are moving to a bigger house anyway with four bedrooms so that’s not an issue but I’m so torn with what to do - my husband would rather we abort but would 100% support my decision whatever but I’m trying to find out what I really want. The thought of having an abortion really upsets me but then in the back of my head I keep thinking that this wasn’t in our plans and it would put our future plans on hold. I honestly don’t know what to do, I’m not one to find decision making hard but I’m getting so stressed over this I don’t know where to go or what to do. I haven’t told anyone that I’m pregnant so can’t confide in family. I’m worried as with my youngest my and my husband has PND as he was a difficult baby in my mind I keep thinking what if I have another baby who cry’s every waking minute and I go down that hole of depression again. Sorry for the ramble I guess I’m just writing out my thoughts in hopes it might help 😭

To add my children are 7 and 5 years old

This is going to sound biased and I don’t really mean it to, just giving my side as we decided to go from 2 to 3 and don’t think I’d be ever able to abort personally but am completely pro choice.
We have a 10 and a12 year old. A third has not really been possible for the last few years due to work, money and space but became a possibility recently. We talked about our future and decided that we weren’t ready to be just the 2 of us in potentially 8 years time when the youngest might move out for uni or whatever. We started relatively young and had been enjoying being out of the young children stage but as they get older and into secondary school they seem to disappear from your life a bit too quickly!
We don’t need a new car as the others are out of car seats obviously, have a spare bedroom, DH is earning a v good wage and I work part time term time only so it definitely felt like the right thing for our family. The older 2 are so excited to help with baby and will hopefully not be too old to play with him through the toddler years a bit too.
I’m 23 weeks now and excited to add to our family.
we obviously planned ours so had time to think about all the positives a new baby would bring. Maybe take some time to do the same without just focusing on the additional costs and ‘hassle’ if you like of that baby bit. Consider whether a new person in your family would be a good thing. We in the end decided that we would never regret having another child but we probably would regret not trying.
good luck

Although I’ve not had particularly difficult babies or any PND so understand that will definitely be a consideration for you

We have a 7 and a 5 year old and am expecting a 3rd. My only reservation was things like holidays and day trips would be trickier but you can always work these things out.
It is totally personal preference. I know I’d never regret having another baby, I know going from 2-3 will be tricky but I feel it’s worth it.
Only you and your husband can make this decision and what is right for your family x

We were in a similar position and I ended the pregnancy. It wasn't easy but we have never looked back. It is OK to end an unwanted pregnancy - accidents happen and don't have to dictate your life and the lives of your family. Also, it is OK to realise it is unplanned but not unwanted and change how things are meant to turn out for you, be a family of 5 after all. Only you can decide but just know there is no morally wrong answer.

I'm currently pregnant with baby no3 my children are 4 and 6, it was planned but I do sometimes have my worries about how it will be having 3 but the other part of me is really excited to add our family, I feel adding any child to any family will always have its difficult times but you just adapt!

I know this was a long time ago, but how have you found it? Thanks ☺️

@rainbow616 i wouldn't say it's been any harder than going from 1-2 x

Firstly, I think you should do what feels right for you - aborting is absolutely the right thing to do if it is right for you and your family. If it’s helpful, I have 3 children and would say:

• the dynamics are very different to 2 children - in a good and bad way - a lot of the time it’s brilliant fun with lots of laughs, but when they fall out it’s 3 lots of anguish to sort out!
• you’re outnumbered! That’s lovely in some ways as my 3 can be a little gang of their own but when they need more 1-1 attention that can be much harder to provide
• it can gives the children a wider experience of adapting to different social dynamics in the home environment where issues can be worked through carefully - but that is a huge amount of hard work!
• it’s harder to get baby sitters! Family and friends will happily take two but are hesitant about 3!
• everything is more expensive! But I’ve found that they’re happy with simple things and can create games between themselves (with a lot of help at times!)
• As they get older the gap between what the youngest and oldest want to do gets harder to juggle, so it takes some creative thinking to make things work for everyone - but on the positive side that all helps with the children’s adaptability and empathy to others

Hope that helps and best of luck whatever you decide xxx