Family buying stuff for baby way too early for me!

[LRA89]

Hi everyone,

I am currently 20 weeks pregnant and had two miscarriages last year at 12 weeks. This is our first baby that’s made it this far. I only told my family at 16 weeks and of course they are very excited. I told them I wouldn’t buy anything until after 30 weeks because mentally I’m just trying to get through each day…pregnancy after loss is no joke. But I keep getting texts like “just picked you up a free sling” or “found this little Christmas hat” and someone handed me a blanket the other day. Whilst it is so kind and comes from a good place, it really makes me nervous, upset and uncomfortable. I have already lived through the heartache of having to pack away things for a baby that didn’t make it, then memory haunts me honestly, and it’s hard to make some people understand. They know it’s a high risk pregnancy and I have a lot of hurdles to jump for a healthy baby, but I think the excitement gets the better of them. How do I let them down gently?

many thanks xxx

I wouldn't worry about being gentle, just be forthright and firm. Tell them that buying these things and telling you about it is very seriously impacting your mental health. You love that they are excited, but you need them to keep these things to themselves.

Sometimes you have to be very, very clear about what you need.

With my first I was terrified about miscarriage and we had to tell family before the first trimester was over (we lived abroad and was xmas and..,, anyways). It was so difficult to deal with family wanting to see and buy baby stuff 😣 at least I got to get on a plane and run away from it 😝

You need to be blunt and maybe slightly rude........ just tell them that, even if it's difficult for them to understand, that they need to respect that you are uncomfortable/scared about this situation. And say that you'll invite them for a baby shower-esque lunch/dinner when you're ready. If you prefer get your partner to do it on your behalf.

Wishing you all the best!!!

I'm going through this at the moment. I'm 14 weeks. I told all family not to buy anything because it's too early. Everyone listened except one particular family member who went ahead and bought several little items recently without asking first. It's really upset me actually because closer family members like my parents also want to buy stuff and have managed to restrain themselves until the 20 week scan. I've tried having a word with them but they said "it's just a few little things" and "it's to cheer you up" without thinking that it's actually done the opposite.
They are nice items and I know I'm being ungrateful but they have just had to go into storage for 5 months now. I don't want to look at them because I know if I get bad news then it's going to break my heart.

I would group message your family and explain your reservations.

Tell them how uncomfortable it makes you. Give them permission to buy what they want but ask them not to tell you until . . . a date in the future, a stage in your pregnancy, the baby is born. Let them have pleasure in their excitement but ask them not to add to your worries about tempting fate.

I'm going to be honest with you. Having that kind of conversation with my mum, it kind of went over her head and she started kind of giving reasons and whatnot like @Cupofteainthemorning experience.

That's why I say to be..... curt. Just cut the conversation short and walk away after saying what you need to say. Trying to argue peacefully just made me more anxious.......

Our Dad said “ Don’t buy anything til your baby is here”
I asked why?
He said “ Because if anything goes wrong, you will be upset looking at the things”
DS made it to term.

My in laws bless them went rushing around buying stuff once he was here.

I fully understand, @LRA89 .