Really need some advice please
I am due my second child in a couple of months and really starting to have second thoughts on the birth.
For context my first child was born nearly 8 years ago and resulted in a major PPH and 3rd degree tear. I needed a blood transfusion and ended up with Post natal depression/psychosis and ptsd.
I have healed both emotionally and physically from all of the above.
This time I am consultant led and have had one telephone appointment to discuss if I wanted a c section or natural birth. It was agreed that the failings in care last time are what caused my issues with bleeding and an inexperienced student midwife being left to deliver her first baby and contributing to the tear. We decided on a natural birth as the reasons above could be avoided this time and I have been happy and confident with this until the last few weeks.
Baby is measuring large at the midwife and at 32 weeks is predicted to be 4lb 15oz which is apparently the cusp of where I would be referred to discuss an elective for a large baby but not past it so they won’t. I have been tested for gestational diabetes and I don’t have it, I also don’t have excess amniotic fluid. Baby also has a potential heart defect.
It just feels as time goes on a natural delivery is becoming more and more risky. A big baby increases the chance of a tear and PPH which are obviously already increased because of last time.
I can’t decide if I’m being stupid by not accepting the elective c section, or if I’m just desperate to have some kind of birth like I wanted the first time round. I am petrified baby will get stuck and I will have made the wrong decision trying to push for natural.
The birth is going to be very medical I have already been warned to expect a cannula in each hand, consultant and senior midwives only. No water birth, blood on standby and baby’s heart will be constantly monitored so I won’t be able to move around much if at all. So all in all nothing like I would choose.
My partner does not like the idea of a c section but if we were told it was safest or I said that’s what I wanted he would support. I almost feel like it needs taking out of my hands and someone saying a c section is safest for both of us.
any guidance much appreciated