Pregnant with No.2 - will I have enough love to give?

[CurlyNo2]

I’m probably overreacting here due to hormones.

I have a 6 year old son who I adore the bones of! Im currently 27+3 weeks pregnant with baby number 2 and I was feeling fine about the new addition joining us but all of a sudden I’ve been hit with a massive surge of guilt. We had a loss last year (TFMR) due to fatal abnormalities, so this baby is very much wanted.

• Will I have enough love to give baby number 2? Like I say I adore my son and everything I do revolves around him.
• Will my son cope with not having me all to himself? It’s worth mentioning he is not a spoilt kid, he is such a lovely boy and he is super excited and cannot wait to have a sibling.

I’m having major guilt already that this is our last ‘just us’ time during the last of the summer holidays and I just haven’t got the energy to do ‘fun’ stuff.

Like I say, I know I’m overreacting but if anybody else has experienced the above and it all turned out ok, please share.

Thanks x

I had this worry when pregnant with my second. I’d look at DS1 and just think “well I can’t possibly love the next one like I love him, he’s just perfect. I’m sure I’ll love the new one but it won’t be the same”

I didn’t tell anyone and felt awful and guilty, not to DS1 but to DS2.

Then he was born and I looked at him and literally felt my love double and it was suddenly very simple. “Of course I had enough love and of course I loved him just as much as the other one”

They are 11 and 10 now and still both perfect and adorable!

You’ll be fine x

Yes. Think of a lit candle whose flame you use to light a second one. The flame of the first is not diminished - instead you have twice the light.

Though you will notice how enormous your 6yo seems compared to the baby. Remember he's still only 6 - which is SO young.

Oh that's so lovely @mathanxiety and absolutely true. You'll be fine OP

It's quite a common feeling, don't worry. The night I went into labour with my 2nd, I remember going into dc1's room where they were sleeping and having a little weep because I thought I was about to ruin the special bond we had. I did nothing of the sort of course. Dc1 was thrilled to have a sibling. Dc2 was (is!) adorable. I went on to have another 2 children, each time, my love just increased to encompass them.

You will be fine.

I have a similar gap between my two. I adore them both equally. My DD1 was thrilled to become a big sister and DD2 idolises her big sister. They get on so well and DD1 is endlessly patient even though DD2 can be a bit heavy handed (she’s not even 2 yet).

Thanks everyone, I’m so glad to hear that others have also felt like this and it’s normal.

@mathanxiety What a beautiful analogy! X

Hi @CurlyNo2 how are you getting on? I’ve just started a similar thread. 17 weeks, and just worried I won’t bond or like my new child - how on earth will they be the same / just as amazing as my son? I’m at the stage where I honestly can’t believe another human being could be as wonderful. I’m sure I’ll love my new baby, it’s a question of will I like them. Funnily enough I don’t feel guilty in the “normal” sense like will my son feel like he’s sharing me etc - he might find it a struggle but he’ll get over it!

Your baby must be born now - how are you feeling? Are you surprised you ever felt the way you did? Or does it still feel natural to have these wonderful feelings for your 1st born only?

What my mum said to me many years ago really stuck with me and proved very true.
"Love is like an elastic band, it stretches" x

That's a lovely way of putting it @BraveFaceScaredInside

I loved my first child so much and wondered whether I'd feel the same with my second child.
Then I worried if I'd love my first child a little less!

When number 2 arrived I found that my heart immediately doubled in size , metaphorically speaking.

I think it's a common worry but , honestly, it's just so wonderful to have double ( triple or more, depending on how many you have) the love around you.

In short of course you will. They just slot in. I remember writing the same exact post with my second. We all love her to death and she fitter in perfectly.

I used to lie in bed at night worrying about this.

My experience was that the minute DD was born, I realised how misplaced all my worries had been. You sort of expand to encompass loving another child, just as you did for your first child. And for your first child it's wonderful as well- nothing I've done in life has added to so much to DS's happiness as having DD did.

Thanks so much for all your replies! I’m sure I will love them, but it’s more “liking” them? Is that awful? After all the time you had with DC1, do you ever look at DC2 and think “oh you aren’t like my first born”. I sound awful don’t I.