Does everyone have a birth choice/ preferences meeting?

[Pregnantpolly]

I have a birth preferences meeting at my chosen hospital in September with the consultant midwife whom I haven't met. I'm due October.
Does she just note down what I say and log it for reference or what's the purpose? It was originally booked for this month but I was unavailable.

I spoke about my birth preferences with my midwife at about 36 weeks and there was a form that I was asked to fill in for her records. However during birth it was the birth preferences document that I had written myself that all staff looked at. I would really recommend that you write your own birth plan/ preferences (just one page) and make sure it is at the front of your notes folder, and also that your birth partner knows it off by heart

Birth plans always make me smile. The baby hasn’t read it, and may well have other ideas…!
Forgive my cynicism, but I’m a retired anaesthetist who wishes I had a pound for every hippy woo hypnobirthing mother who welcomed my epidural needle with sobs of relief, and the statement that she wished she had asked for it 8 hours earlier.

Remember birth plans don’t have to be so specific too. My request was that dad told me the sex of the baby, not the dr/midwife and that I breastfeed asap. I got my wishes despite an emergency section.

You can add in things like them not asking if you want drugs until you ask for it. Or having minimal or more interactions with the midwife. And things like skin to skin. It’s not always about wanting a water birth with whale music on in the background.

I think you're always supposed to have a chat with the midwife about it, but in my first pregnancy it didn't happen (my care was a bit chaotic towards the end) and in my second I said I didn't want to write a birth plan and that was the end of the matter. I do always find it weird, though, that there's so much sneering, including among HCPs, about women with birth plans as if it's some odd initiative they've taken off their own backs; the NHS does actively tell you to do it.

The only way you get what you want is by staying at home.

They just abuse/ assault you otherwise .

I'm glad they call it 'birth preferences' now.
I always felt calling it 'birth plan' or 'birth choice' was setting the parents up for failure should anything NOT go to plan. Refused to have anything on it other than not an injection for Vit K as I felt it cruel to jab a newborn as soon as it arrived, and even then got talked out of it (midwife would not shut up about risks) for DD1

I wish MN had a "like" button.

Ignore this patronising shit OP. Write a page of simple birth preferences, learn it, copy to your birth partner for them to learn. Stand up for yourself and use the BRAIN acronym.

Babdoc is right though. In my experience, the amount of thought/effort you put into a birth plan is inversely proportional to the likelihood you'll get it!

Have a rough idea of what you'd like, and then be very ready to just go with the flow. There's no point trying to set anything in stone

Babdoc, I’m disheartened to have to explain this to you, but birth plans are important to many women to allow them to go through labour and delivery in a way that helps them feel safe and comfortable at one of the most vulnerable times of their lives.

I’m one of the ‘hippy woo’ women you so sniffily refer to. I had a very detailed birth plan, involving minimal intervention, hypnobirthing and a water birth. And yes, I did end up with an epidural because, having never given birth before, I had no way of knowing what it would be like. I had a detailed plan because, like many women, I have experienced trauma, and the thought of a very medicalised birth was frightening. Fortunately, I was met with compassion, rather than condescension, by the medical professionals I dealt with before and during labour. When the baby had ‘other ideas’, I was supported to have a birth that was different from what I had envisaged but still acceptable to me. In the throes of labour, it was difficult to fully communicate all of my feelings, so the birth plan was a great tool to avoid retraumatisation and ensure it was ultimately a positive experience. I’m very glad the professionals I encountered recognised its value. Incidentally, I also know several women who have had wonderful hypnobirthing experiences.

OP - the idea of a birth preferences meeting is to discuss your ideas around the type of birth you would like and any concerns you might have. This will enable you to express your preferences in terms of the delivery in the practical sense e.g water birth, pain relief etc, but also the type of atmosphere you would like to create in the delivery room, e.g. music, lighting etc. (where possible). Crucially, it is also a chance to discuss any concerns and your emotional support needs. Of course, things can crop up which mean that it is not medically advisable to accommodate all preferences. However, this can form part of your discussion to try and ensure you get as close to what you would like as possible. That was my experience anyway and it’s not mandatory.

I hope that is helpful and I wish you the very best! I was very nervous in the lead up to my birth, but the dialogue that the planning meeting and my birth plan itself created helped ensure it was a very positive experience.

And what experience is that out of interest?

Well I'm glad you're retired and women will no longer be at risk from you

I never had an appointment labelled 'birth preferences' but did chat through the birth plan pages with the midwife.

Tbh I kept it to the things that were within my control. I agreed to vit K injection, managed third stage and that DH had to tell me the sex.

I thought myself and discussed with my DH things like pain relief etc but didn't write it down.

if you have chosen to birth outside of guidelines, then women are offered a birth choices discussion with cons midwife who discusses everything with you and makes sure you’re still happy with all of your choices and then ensures all of the team are aware you’re fully informed etc.
if you haven’t chosen to birth outside of guidelines I’m not sure why you’d have an appt with a consultant midwife. Check with your named midwife

Apologies OP, I got slightly carried away with my previous post which ended up as a bit of a novel! I just wanted to add that you can find birth preference templates online to give you a few ideas of things you might like discuss. You might also have a template in your handheld notes. You could draft it before your meeting or write it after and it can be added to your notes. I wrote mine together with the midwife in the meeting. During my meeting, certain things I felt strongly about were also recorded on their electronic system to make sure they were noted.

Birth preferences meeting sounds great OP. I'd go in with an idea of what your preferences are and any questions to go with them.

I had basic birth plans (or whatever you want to call it) and fwiw I did get everything I wanted. Hypno, home water births x3. No vit k. No VEs. Basically leave me alone and I'll have the baby 🤣 so please ignore anyone saying you're not allowed preferences or even to change your mind about any of it at any time. Your body, your baby, your birth. There are many amazing, respectful hcps who do understand this. Hence the meeting probably.

Obviously though you never saw the women whose birth plans said they didn't want an epidural and then didn't have one?

Lots of women have birth plans that say they do want an epidural - is that equally laughable, or is that ok?

I might be missing the point but why are people refusing vitamin K for their babies? It’s literally lifesaving, with minimal risks, so what is the motivation behind refusing it?

I think some women don't like the idea of the injection. It can be done as an oral dose as well.

For me, I cba to go for the follow up dose so went for the injection.

@ScotchPine here here to your rant! Women shouldn't be embarrassed to state their birth preferences, and then change their mind if they want to during the actual birth.

@Kindofcrunchy I love the BRAINS acronym.

Birth preferences is 3 pages of space to write things in my green maternity notes so I know it's not unique or novel and lots of things can get in the way but I just didn't know about this meeting because there was nothing in my schedule of appointments or green notes that indicated this took place.

@ScotchPine thanks for your input and glad it was still positive despite the change in plans.

Thanks all. I filled in some preferences in advance. I am community midwife led so have never met the consultant midwife who is at the hospital so didn't know if it was normal or not to have to go meet her or not. .

Hippy woo hypnobirthing mother here. By far my best birth was at home with pool, a good hard back massage and a midwife who was absolutely attentive to my preferences. Don't be so dismissive and patronising.

@Babdoc I'm glad the lead women's health anaesthetist where I'm having my baby has a less patronising approach than you. How awful that women were struggling and in pain at their most vulnerable time of life and you showed up smugly saying "I told you so".