Quitting my job while TTC? Help!

[Prettyplease23]

I’m a teacher and I’m completely miserable in my job. I’ll not go into the full story here but I’m now on anxiety medication to stop panic attacks at work. Every holiday, every day off, I waste just dreading going back. I absolutely hate it.

I’ve started online tutoring and can easily make enough money to pay my bills so can afford to quit and finally be free from it all. The only thing is we are trying to conceive and I just think I’d be stupid to potentially give away 3 months full maternity pay then statutory maternity pay for 6 months if I was to quit now and fall pregnant next month. I don’t think I can physically stick it out for another 9 months to get to that though 😩 Quit and be free or stay and be miserable? (Going off sick is also an option but it’s a small town and I end up bumping into kids all the time so I’d rather not do that).

Quit and be free! I’m a teacher too and I get it. You want a happy healthy pregnancy. The maternity pay isn’t worth it in the end.

@MsTaz thank you, this is kind of the answer I wanted I think! You just need someone to push you sometimes. I think for all that hassle and stress, I could work a bit harder elsewhere to make the extra money up and not be constantly on edge

Exactly! Teaching is such a demanding job and the never ending pressure won’t be healthy for you and potential baby. There’s always supply should you need a bit of extra income. All the very best!

I'm a teacher too. Ive been through the lot with teaching. Anxiety attacks, being physically attacked by the kids, signed off with PTSD... you name it. And i quit recently too! There was more to it than just quitting for me, I got married, sold my house and moved country too so there's loads going on. 2 months after the wedding and the big move we fell pregnant and I've just decided to be a home maker until I'm finished baby-making, whenever that may be! I had all of the money worries too, and i was so angry that I'd payed into the system for so long and as soon as i would be due to get anything back i would suddenly get nothing... but it's been so worth it. I'm lucky to have a husband who works his socks off and believes that his wages are our wages, and at the end of the day your mental health and happiness is worth so much more than those extra 6 months of wages! Online tutoring sounds like a great option 😊

Do it.

If you accept maternity pay, there is a minimum time you have to return to work for, or pay it back, and it sounds like having that hanging over you would really spoil your mat leave? Good luck!

Also... about a week after arriving in my new home town I got a job in a jewellers and it was an eye opener! Such a lovely, relaxing job, playing with diamonds all day with zero stress. I earned slightly less and worked a longer day but my god what a difference in my attitude to going to work... I would skip down the road to get to work! I had to leave after around 3 months because the morning sickness was so bad and I didn't want to leave then short staffed, but it showed me that we are qualified to do much more than just teach, and there's a whole world of jobs out there that don't make you feel the way some teaching jobs do!

Took me well over a year to fall pregnant with my 2nd and I was 30 with no issues. Not saying it will happen to you but do you wanna be stuck there for that long plus 9 months? Life is too short, it's not like you have nothing lined up, you will manage without the extra mat pay.

I'm just going back to a job that causes me the same anxiety as yours after mat leave (have to for a minimum of 6 months or else pay back the extra). The stress is unreal. I wish I'd got out earlier!

Teacher here, currently on maternity, endured a nightmare year in class during pregnancy. Was absolutely exhausted, stressed and close to snapping most days. Convinced the stress negatively impacted my pregnancy. Thankfully baby arrived safely and maternity leave is bliss especially this time of year as end of August is usually filled with dread.

Whilst you are trying you could fall pregnant next month you may also not fall pregnant for a 12 months. Also think that level of pressure/stress isn't very healthy when TTC nevermind whilst pregnant. I would do what is best for you now.

Do you work primary or secondary? Do you mind me asking who you online tutor with? I work secondary teaching a none core GCSE subject. I am quite lucky that I am at a brilliant school where focus is quite heavy on staff well being. If you can afford to leave then go for it. I'm on UPS1 and couldn't find anything with a comparable wage. I am going off on maternity in October and for 9 months off I will get approx half what I usually get a month split across the 9 months - pretty poor compared to other maternity pays. I have had some times where I have wanted to leave and have always found near the end of the holidays I start looking at other jobs and careers I could get into but then I go back and I feel like it's not worth leaving. As I said though I am lucky that my school is good with nice kids and supportive SLT. Could a school change make a difference? I have found primary workers seem to burn out very quickly as they seem to be under much more pressure with a higher workload.

@Daisychainsx aww congrats on the baby and escaping! I’ve had the whole being physically assaulted thing too. Since going back it’s the thought of being this out my depth with the curriculum as I’ve been moved to the opposite end of the school and having to sit down with parents at a parents night trying to kid on I have a clue what’s going on. I don’t have the time or energy to try and reteach myself the entire thing plus plan, mark and everything else.. as well as deal with really cheeky kids! I just need someone to push me to go 🙈

@Prettyplease23 I wanted to change jobs when I started TTC but opted not to for maternity pay reasons / not wanting to announce a pregnancy to a new manager. It took almost two years to conceive, I'm now demotivated working until due day, and will definitely dread coming back after leave! I totally regret not just moving at the time!!
Your happiness is worth more than the pay if you can afford it! And goodluck!

I'm a teacher too and currently pregnant with my first baby. I've been incredibly stressed for the past couple of years but hung on because I knew we would be wanting children within the next couple of years. After 9 months TTC, I made the decision to hand in my notice if it didn't happen that month. My plan was to get a different job, then once I was settled there we'd think about TTC again. I was excited about leaving, had redone my CV and looked into other jobs. 2 weeks before the teaching notice deadline I found out I was pregnant. I honestly think it only happened that month because all the stress had been lifted from my shoulders knowing I was going to leave. I didn't end up giving in my notice as financially it's better for me to qualify for maternity pay, especially in the current climate, but I will not be going back after maternity leave. I'm counting down the days until I finish. Having said that, teaching maternity money is not worth staying for if that's the only thing keeping you there. In hindsight I wish I'd left several years back when the job really started getting me down. Hope you figure out what to do OP, I know what it's like to feel trapped.

@sparklyhippo congratulations! I returned after the pandemic for about a week before I decided I wanted a baby. Before that I hadn’t been too interested in having a baby any time soon but it was like I couldn’t see any other way out 🙈 Luckily it’s worked out amazingly but I now feel like maybe I’m only thinking I want another one now as another route out but it’s the same sort of panic as you’re saying where I’m thinking if it’s going to happen it needs to be immediately! I just so desperately want to be free from it but the ideal scenario would be to get another maternity leave from them then not return

@Babyenroute hope you don’t have too long to wait! It totally is, nothing is worth being this anxious for

@Cookiedough123 yip it’s primary! I moved schools a few years ago to get away from a really violent school. Things improved at first when I moved to my current school but quickly it’s gone down the same slippery slope and it’s now just the whole thing that I’ve lost interest in. I’ve been dropped into a stage I have zero experience with, having been moved from the other end of the school while I was off. I’ve returned part time to try to reduce my workload but I’ve ended up with a full week’s work just to be able to even figure out where to start 😑 Usually I’d just get on with it but I feel completely done

@MatronicO6 congrats on the baby! It’s terrible that this time of year is a holiday yet is actually one of the worst times to be teacher because you spend the entire time dreading returning. I felt like the whole second half of my maternity leave felt like that. I think you’re right, I would purely be doing it to get 3 months maternity pay then SMP from them when it would be sooo stressful. Last time I was pregnant was at the start of covid and I was treated so badly, no help and no mitigations whatsoever. I think that kind of flipped how I think about management etc and now I just don’t care 🙈

@Prettyplease23 this happened to me! I resigned and then fell pregnant the next month 😁. I can transfer my maternity allowance to my husband who in turn can get shared parental leave as I've worked a certain number of weeks in the 66 weeks before birth and he is fortunate to have a fairly generous parental leave package at his work.

@Chanel05 oh that’s good he can get that then! My husband’s self employed so probably wouldn’t get anything