Scared to have sex

[nofaith]

I had a missed miscarriage discovered at 18 weeks and now am 16 weeks pregnant again. I had sex at 8 weeks and had a small bleed the next day, I had a scan and everything was ok but I felt so upset that I’d put myself through that so have lost all interest in sex since. I don’t want to have sex whilst pregnant at all now plus I know if anything happened even if it was a coincidence I’d blame myself. My husband is understanding but wants something in that way between us, even if it isn’t sex but I’m just not feeling that way at all. I’m just focused on looking after toddler and keeping this baby alive and I’m really not getting in the mood at all. He hasn’t asked again after he dropped a few hints a few weeks ago so he’s being understanding but it also feels like we’re quite distant at the moment and that’s probably not helping. Im feeling a bit guilty but I’m just so scared of losing this baby too. Has anyone been here? What did you do?

So sorry you had that experience last time. Like you, I didn’t want to when I was pregnant. I think the first trimester we didn’t do it at all because I was just waiting on that 12 week scan and would have blamed myself if there was anything I could have done or not done. Then I think we maybe did it about two or three times in the second trimester but it was just sooo unsexy and like why are we doing this? Just to tick a box in my head so we haven’t gone 9 months without 🙄 the last trimester I’d read it can bring on labour so I avoided it then too. I also found after having a section then bleeding for a while after it was about 3 months later before we did ‘it’ after 🙈 It did just become a bit of a habit though not to! I’d say go on nice dates and try and keep it alive in other ways without having to put yourself through anything you’re not comfortable with. 9 months is a short wait in the grand scheme of things!

@nofaith I didn't want to leave this unanswered. I'm 32 weeks and we haven't had sex at all. We're different as we had IVF so knew I could be pregnant from the very beginning. I had a small bleed at 5.5 ish weeks and brown spotting until 10 weeks and have been so afraid of seeing anything that I hadn't wanted to risk it. I was also v sick until 19 weeks and physically couldn't have considered sex. I'm v huggy anyway and I do things like give him head massages and stroke his arm while we watch telly, so I knows I'm not rejecting him if that makes sense.

I've had miscarriages so I know how hard it is to feel like everyday is just focused on willing your baby to be ok. Humans can survive without having sex. It can be really difficult to put your feelings into words during pregnancy after loss. Maybe just be honest and tell him you're not rejecting him, you just feel all of your energy and attention is going to looking after your toddler and willing everything to be ok with the pregnancy. Maybe let him share the mental load?
The physical and mental aspects of pregnancy can be absolutely exhausting. Do be kind to yourself 💐

I'm 17 weeks and no sex so far. Partly because I'm anxious about miscarriage and partly because I feel so ill and tired I'm not in the mood anyway!

I had a MC at 8w then went on to have a successful pregnancy after that. I was so anxious about keeping the baby safe inside that it felt counter intuitive to me to have sex at the time so we didn't at all for the while pregnant. We talked and I explained where my head was at, and reassured him that it wasn't because I didn't want him or anything like that. My DH understood and didn't pester, simply told me to let him know if or when I'm ready. Like pp we found intimacy in other ways and lots of cuddling up on the sofa! Once baby was born I had zero sex drive, was very conscious and I just didn't feel sexy in my new mum body either. DH was really good, no pressure, and said to let him know when I was ready and in that time he paid me all the compliments too which helped. We resumed around the 8m pp mark so DH went almost a year and a half no sex!

Keep talking lots, remind him how you feel and what you like about each other. Make each other giggle! Make lots of small gestures. Do more of the things you enjoy together and try new things too, days out, meals out, hobbies. Cuddle lots and give each other massages. There's lots of ways to stay connected. But don't feel guilty about any of it.
I'm sorry for your previous loss but congratulations on your new pregnancy!

We didn’t have sex since I was 8 weeks pregnant until probably 10 months after pregnancy. I just didn’t want to and pregnancy was more important than having sex.