Extreme emotional stress when pregnant - behavioural problems and mental health of baby?

[Typal]

Will this affect the baby? Midwife said it could affect the baby’s mental health and behavioural issues for life. I have been devastated my entire pregnancy as my DH died when I was 8 weeks. It’s been horrendous stress day in and day out.

Gosh you poor thing - I am so sorry to hear about your DH. Absolutely horrendous and something no-one should ever have to go through.

Your midwife is an absolute eejit telling you that, and utterly unhelpful, not least because it is likely to stress you further and losing a husband isnt the sort of stress you can mitigate anyway.

For what it is worth, and I do hope this reassures you, I have seen in my professional and personal life many mothers who have experienced horrible stress during pregnancy - for all manner of reasons, including bereavements and the cancer or chronic illness of one of their older children. The subsequent babies have all been fine (and remain so!) despite the huge and sustained stress experienced by their mothers.

Please do not let the comments of your midwife add to a challenging time. Your precious baby will be fine, and the bringer of so much joy. Your dh will see to that.

what a twatty thing for your midwife to say.

I have no idea what the science is, but even if there is any evidence like that she was clearly deploy unhelpful.

I would request a new midwife and explain why, and perhaps ask to talk to a more senior or specialist member of staff.

If they say something similar, you should ask them what evidence they have (they might well be chatting shit based on anecdote) and most crucially, what you should actually do about it.

x

Hi @Typal I'm so so sorry for your loss 💔 that is truly heartbreaking. 😥

I'm not an expert, but I'm going to say no, it's not going to have an affect on baby's mental health.At least not to the extent that you couldn't undo it once baby is born, if that makes sense. Please don't worry - you don't need the added stress of worrying about this on top of what you're going through ❤️ .

The way we treat our babies and children is incredibly important for their mental health, but this is after they've been born. Things like always responding to their physical and emotional needs, ensuring they are loved and safe etc - that is what is going to set them up well for good mental health in life.

Going through grief during pregnancy is not going to affect your baby's mental health later on. I don't like it when people talk about stress etc affecting the fetus because honestly it puts too much "blame" and responsibility on the mother for something that often cannot be changed. We can't change how we are feeling, a lot of the time. Ofc it's good to seek support and mental health services and this can help.

Sending you lots of love and good vibes. For what it's worth, my mum was alone and homeless for a while when pregnant with me - extremely stressed etc. She's always loved me and met my needs and I'm doing absolutely fine 🙂 never had any serious mental health problems and no developmental delays etc. Xx

I know the plural of anecdote is not data, but, hopefully this can add to your reassurance.

My mum lost her dad while pregnant with me. He was missing for a few weeks before being found deceased which as you can imagine was very stressful, especially as my mum is an only child and her mother had died several years previously so she was having to deal with it without any other family.

My development as a child was all normal and I’ve never had any significant illness in my life, mental or physical.

No. My mum died horrendously and painfully during my pregnancy with DS.

He is happy go lucky and easy going.

No, that's absolute bollocks. I had experienced a traumatic death right before/right when I got pregnant and was absolutely overwhelmed with grief for most of it, I also got pre-natal anxiety and pre-natal depression so badly that I completely disassociated from my own body. I also had terrible panic attacks, oh and HG, just as the icing on the cake. I was in such mess that I had to see a psychiatrist every week and at one point had THREE consultants involved.

DS is absolutely fine, cheeriest toddler you've ever met. I'm also fine now, 3 years on, but it was a truly awful year and there were times when I didn't think I would survive.

Jesus Op I'm so sorry for your loss. I would think she's talking shit to be honest and blunt please don't worry

I have a long term friend whose dad died while his mom was pregnant. She had other children too to care for but he is fine and has had a pretty normal life. Very close to his Mom.