Mental health support

[Ihaveanoldiphone]

Hi everyone,
I’m 16 weeks with my 3rd. Planned baby but as soon as I found out I was pregnant, I was in despair like what on earth were we thinking. I was contemplating termination (I am pro choice but didn’t think I’d consider it for a planned baby) but not sure I could do it. I have had on/off death anxiety after I had my second, I have anxiety normally which has been much better since avoiding triggers. I was lucky to get pregnant relatively fast after having secondary infertility after my first, you’d think I’d be grateful.

My second has been recently diagnosed with asd which we knew was coming but thought we’d manage but now I’m worried I won’t have enough time for dc2 and potentially dc3 having asd, I am the sort of person who deals with things as they come but feel I’ve been selfish. Today and last night I’m feeling really down and I can’t even put my finger on what, like a dark cloud over me. I spoke to my midwife at booking and she’s referred me but I’m not sure what sort of help they can give? I haven’t heard back yet but will speak to midwife again at 16 week appointment. Will I have to go on antidepressants, I am worried about the effect they might have on baby. Are there non medication routes I can try first? This is definitely my last baby but feel like a waste of space at the moment, medication for my sickness has stopped working again and I can’t manage day to day tasks without worrying about being sick. Thanks for reading and any advice you can give is greatly appreciated.

You are not a waste of space at all! Pregnancy is overwhelming, your hormones are all over the place and even people who don’t suffer with anxiety worry during pregnancy about anything and everything.

Your aren’t alone, I can relate to much of what you say. I also suffer with anxiety and death anxiety since having children and losing close relatives within a short space of time. I’m now 21 weeks pregnant with an unplanned 4th baby. The sheer dread I had for the first few weeks was horrendous. I didn’t even tell my partner for weeks (I knew he’d be fine when I did) because I was just burying my head in the sand and pretending it wasn’t happening.

My anxiety meant I already had a good relationship with my GP and she asked if I wanted to be referred to the perinatal mental health team as soon as I told her I was pregnant. I was on meds (on/off) to help my anxiety but I stopped these when I fell pregnant and haven’t restarted them as I also didn’t want to take anything if I could help it. My midwife also referred me to the specialist mental health midwife but I’ve not heard from her yet.

Like you, I didn’t think there would be much that could help me….The perinatal mental health did an assessment on me and asked me what I thought might help and I said “nothing, this is just me” and they were so nice and said they can absolutely help me and referred me for some therapies both for anxiety/ pregnancy anxiety and previous birth trauma as well as some work with a psychologist. I will say it hasn’t been exceptionally fast, the assessments were but I think depending on how you are and how urgent they feel support is needed determines when you receive this and I think by the time I had my assessments my anxiety had lessened a bit but it can be very up and down….anyway I’m now in the process of waiting for my appointment to start some sort of therapy.

I will say the more support I have around me the better my anxiety is. So even though I’m not currently seeing anyone from mental health yet or having any extra support I have the numbers and know who to contact should I need it which helps me.

I would say speaking to your Gp would be a good start, they may be able to refer you places your midwife can’t. They might also be able to help with different anti sickness meds. How is your support from your other half? Have you told him how you feel?

Thanks so much for your reply. I’m sorry you’ve had to go through this too and I hope there isn’t too much of a wait though I do expect it to take a while.

Yes I know what you mean about knowing there is support, it’s nice to feel people care and want to help. It’s a strange feeling as you feel vulnerable as you feel confused about the feelings too. Partner is helpful but almost in a robotic way, he gets on with jobs that need doing all the practical stuff I can’t do and listens to my thoughts but doesn’t add much which I’m finding frustrating, I don’t know if he doesn’t know what to say but can’t complain too much.

Hi OP,

My experience with the perinatal mental health team has been amazing. I had severe PND after my first baby and needed loads of help from them after that, so I knew if I wanted another baby I would need lots of involvement early on.

I'm pregnant with my second, and like clockwork, my mood dipped and I started having intrusive thoughts again. I was immediately referred to the perinatal mental health team by my GP (before I even saw a midwife!) and have already been allocated a pyschiatric nurse, and had a medication review, and am only 14 weeks. I will probably need ongoing therapy and medication, but i feel really cared for and like there is a proper plan for my mental health.

So please don't feel like theres nothing they can do. Mental health is as important as physical, and you deserve (and can) feel well during pregnancy (even if you don't continue with it). Medication is nothing to fear, I have remained on my meds and they are very safe in pregnancy and breastfeeding (I'm on sertraline). There are minimal risks of the baby being a bit sleepy when born, but to me that's no risk at all - my mental health is far more important.

I hope you get the help you need. Somehow mental health concerns during pregnancy just get swept under the carpet when actually, for a lot of women, it's a really stressful confusing time of change. The perinatal team will have seen it all before, and will be able to help you get your thoughts in order and just prioritise you. Take care

also, plus i completely get how you feel about being sick. It's debilitating, and so hard to think straight when you're so ill. Mine is finally clearing and I've started to feel optimistic again. Don't underestimate how much morning sickness can effect your mood