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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

has anyone been a surrogate for a family member?

23 replies

warthog · 21/01/2008 14:31

i'm thinking about doing it for sil, but i need to understand the ramifications. can anyone share their experience with me please?

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FoghornLeghorn · 21/01/2008 14:31

Are you not pregnant now Warthog ?

lulumama · 21/01/2008 14:34

how amazing.....

i think you need to be 150 % sure .. is there anywhere you can have some independent counselling for this?

someone at a M&T group I go to was a surrogate for her friend who had been trying for 15 years... she had the baby a week or two ago.

life changing for everyone involved i should think

ShinyHappyPeopleHoldingHands · 21/01/2008 14:40

Well am sure you've already considered the issue of host surrogacy (where you are literally only "carrying" a baby that belongs to the woman and her DH because it came about as a result of IVF with her egg and his sperm - as expensive, time consuming and emotionally exhausting as any IVF experience with no good stats of a positive outcome.. but potentially "easier" on you..)

Or true surrogacy when you imseminate yourself with the DH's sperm, get pregnanT the usual, cheap and cheerful way, but the baby would be biologically yours.

And actually, either way, your body and hormones would tell you the baby was yours.. and the potential stress of that..

And the legal factor which would not recognise anyone but YOU as the biological mother.. even if, actually, (re host surrogacy) you're not! (Which is very mad and outdated).

No personal experience though, just thoughts I have had re possibility of helping out a friend in the past.

Expect you've thought about all this so will bugger off and stop telling my grandmother to suck eggs as it were!

Good luck if you go ahead. I think it's a wonderful selfless gift to give someone. xx

warthog · 21/01/2008 14:42

yes, i am pregnant now, with my own baby! i'm thinking about it seriously from the angle of whether i could go through this for someone else. my plan is to have our family, and then have one for my sil.

the reason why i have to consider this now, is that she is already 41 and by the time i will be in a position to do it for her, it will be too late to harvest her eggs.

so really i need to offer it now so that she has the chance to genetically have her own child iyswim. i have to be serious about the offer, it's not really something i would want to retract.

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warthog · 21/01/2008 14:46

spot on shinyhappy, if it were her egg i think it would be easier.

i honestly don't know how i'd cope if it were genetically my egg. i think i would find it very, very hard.

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IndigoMoon · 21/01/2008 14:48

i could NEVER do it if the baby were mine in terms of egg etc.

however if it was biologically not my child then i could do it for certain people

expatinscotland · 21/01/2008 14:52

you're very brave.

i couldn't do this.

warthog · 21/01/2008 14:57

when you see someone struggling and dealing with the pain of disappointment and miscarriage for years, it seems a small price to pay. esp. since i've had relatively little trouble.

but if it were my genetic baby, i think i would feel first priority to the baby. god, it's so hard.

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expatinscotland · 21/01/2008 14:58

if it were genetically mine there's really no way i could do it even more so.

i don't enjoy being pregnant or childbirth, though, so it'd be a no go for me.

but just bumping and maybe someone out there was more experience.

warthog · 21/01/2008 15:00

thanks.

no, i don't enjoy it either. hate it actually.

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madmouse · 21/01/2008 15:02

I am pregnant with my first but have had thoughts about doing it for a good friend as they soo want a baby.

I understand the concern about your SIL's age, but this is one thing that cannot be rushed, so she may have to look into egg retrieval and storage?

The legal angle can be dealt with by adoption, if you see a good family lawyer beforehand it can be reasonably straightforward.

You must all be very clear about the what ifs, in particular the what if I have this baby and there is no way Jose I am giving it up and What if this baby is disabled, they don't want it and you do not want an abortion etc.

BalletMum · 21/01/2008 15:02

Warthog - is this your first baby?

themildmanneredjanitor · 21/01/2008 15:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

warthog · 21/01/2008 15:11

no, this is my second baby. i have experienced the hormone rush, pnd and all the ups and downs associated with pregnancy and birth.

the need to make a decision soon is because she'll have to give it serious thought, and freeze some of her eggs.

it is a long term decision / plan.

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BalletMum · 21/01/2008 15:16

If you have already had a baby then at least you "know" all those feelings etc. Why doesn't she freeze the eggs anyway and then you can decide later on or have you not discussed it with her.

daisynova · 21/01/2008 16:08

I offered to be a surrogate for a close friend who had tried unsuccessfully to conceive for 4 years. I didn't really think about it and my then boyfriend went completely mad at me, undertsndably so. But I felt that I should offer as she was destined to be a Mum somehow.

Luckily she turned me down and after 3 failed IVF attempts, she feel pregnant naturally and has just had her second baby just before Christmas.

I think I would have found it incredibly difficult to cope with how my relationship with my friend would have changed and how I would feel with someone else bringing up my biological child.

warthog · 21/01/2008 20:54

i don't think i could do it if it were my egg. but if she saved some of her eggs, it would be a similar process to ivf and she's worried about ovarian hyperstimulation syndrome. she's not happy about going for ivf, so i can't see her doing it.

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expatinscotland · 21/01/2008 20:57

she's going to have to use the same drugs which can cause ovarian hyperstimulation in order to get some of her own eggs out, anyway.

otherwise, her other option is to find an egg donor.

nooka · 21/01/2008 21:12

I think it would be a fantastic thing to do. I don't think you could go the diy route anyway, as presumably this is for your brother and his wife? The genetics would not be good! I think that you should try and talk to one of the surrogacy support organisations - I Googled and found two or three.

ChorusLine · 21/01/2008 21:20

COTS is the best one to look at x

warthog · 22/01/2008 08:22

thanks - i'll have a look.

neither of them is related to me, so there isn't any reason i couldn't do it the diy way, other than the emotional ties to the baby.

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Magie000 · 11/05/2019 18:23

I have been told I can't have anymore children an my daughter has said she will carry one for me an my husband but it would be her egg we have been told that after 6 weeks of the birth we can go to court an get the baby put in my name is that true

IceRebel · 11/05/2019 19:05

Zombie thread! Zombie thread! Zombie thread!

It might be best if you start your own new thread Magie.

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