Major anxiety regarding giving birth

[Nellynoo182]

FTM over here!

I have major anxiety over giving birth. I hate hospitals, blood, injections, anything to do with anything medical. I faint and have had seizures I get myself so worked up. I’ve had hypnotherapy to help me with injections and dealing with general anxiety regarding this (for example I panic in cars in case I am in a car accident and have to go to hospital and have something surgery or something! Ridiculous I know). This helped a bit.

So far in my pregnancy I have managed to have all my blood tests (although they were awful) and this was a huge achievement for me.

Now I am 26 weeks and I am trying to educate myself about labour and the possible things that might happen but I am also freaking out! It is ruining pregnancy for me at times 😔

I would really appreciate positive stories about labour if people are prepared to share? Including all the things that might happen so I have something to hold onto if I need an emergency C-Section, episiotomy etc.

Does anyone have any practical advice for things that helped too? Like do perineum massages actually help with tearing.. is a hypnobirthing course worth it? Etc!

Thank you 🙏🏻

Hey @HuffleWoof ! Thank you for your response - even though it isn’t helpful considering I was asking for advice and positive birth stories as a FTM! I’m not sure why you’ve posted on a thread asking for advice and positive birth stories with judgement instead. 🤷🏼‍♀️

Not that I owe a stranger on the internet any explanation to a (quite frankly - perfectly rational fear of things that aren’t nice) I was in a horrendous accident at 17. I drive every day but I still have niggling thoughts on motorways etc but I manage it. I was using this as an example of how my train of thought can escalate because of the phobia. As stated, I’ve had hypnotherapy to help deal with this.

OFC, I knew getting pregnant would result in birth 🤣 it doesn’t make it any less frightening, especially for someone who hasn’t been through it before. As you say - I will inevitably have to give birth so I am seeking advice on a public forum from women who have been through it. And glad I have done because everyone else’s responses have been very helpful…

I hope that nothing happens in your life that leads you to develop a phobia, and I hope that if it does you are treated with kindness, empathy and understanding. Or at least someone who knows when to keep their mouth shut 🤣

Thank you for your recommendations!

I will do the hypnobirthing course, it’s great to hear the positive feedback on it. I didn’t know if it was just for women wanting a natural birth so didn’t know if it would be useful for me as someone who will probably want an epidural, but sounds like the education from it is worth its weight in gold!

@PragmaticWench that is really interesting to hear, I think that would 1000% be useful for me! I will reach out to my previous hypnotherapist. Nice to hear it has helped other women in perinatal period too.

@2020mission I’m glad you weren’t fainting throughout for yours! I did wonder what would happen if I did start fainting or even having a seizure throughout and if that might harm the baby 🙈 I suppose your body is producing that much adrenaline you can’t really! It’s reassuring to hear you went through all that and were okay though. Hope recovery has been as okay as possible for you!

@Daisy4569 oh this story gives me some hope! 🤣 everyone keeps saying to me when you’ve got that little one lying on your chest you don’t care about anything else so I think I need to just trust I will be okay! That’s good advice thank you, one benefit of being so scared is I am defo open to going with the flow and following the medical professional’s advice as it happens rather than having a strict birth plan & putting my trust in them!

@Goodnewsday thank you so much for suggesting and sharing this. In the back of my mind I have been really wondering if an elective would help and I was hoping someone would share their experience of this for this reason. I am going to discuss this option with my midwife on Wednesday. I have discussed it with a few friends who have had kiddies (much less wimpier than me though I must say 😂) but their sections were emergency ones so not the same really. Really thank you for sharing that because I have been seriously considering it!

thank you everyone! Appreciate the kind words, advice and people sharing their experiences. Xxx

I gave birth at a MLU both times and it was a very relaxed experience.

My main tip would be drinking plenty of Raspberry Leaf Tea.

Both times the MW said that they could tell that I'd been drinking it and both times I had fairly quick deliveries.

@Nellynoo182 if it helps I have a very similar issue with healthy anxieties and have struggled with all the various appointments etc so can totally relate and sympathise with you. I did the hypnobirthing course and found it really helpful as it provides tools to assist in these different situations and techniques to keep you relaxed and calm. I would also agree with the PP on looking into MLU birth, and I had really planned for this (especially after the hypnobirthing as this seemed like the best option) however was told last week I will now need an induction. Having to accept a more medicalised birth has been a result struggle these last days and I wish I had advocated for myself more when the hospital told me. I suppose my point is try to keep an open mind as if your plans change (like mine have) it can be challenging but also it’s important to be positive and trust the hospital staff. I’m trying to read up on inductions now and finding ways to cope/ keep calm. I will be going in next week and hopefully will be able to update after, but in the meantime just wanted to say I’m very much in sympathy and wish you all the best

Hypnobirthing, but also talk to your midwife. I got referred to a hospital therapy MW after I panicked with pregnancy of DC2 after DC1 had a traumatic birth. They were amazing!! I was terrified of examinations (I know, I’d already had a baby but this was a real fear) and they arranged for me to have gas and air etc where you wouldn’t normally be offered it in the early stages. But mostly they were just lovely and reassuring and made me feel safe. Talk to them, they are used to dealing with issues.

I had an episiotomy and honestly it wasn't that bad. Three weeks later I'm pretty much healed.

I have a copy of the Positive Birth Book which might be useful? I'd be happy to post it to you so message me if you'd like it.

Would recommend epidural and csection.

A lot of people have recommended hypnobirthing, but just to go against the grain, I found it was so pro natural birth and anti intervention, that when I needed intervention I felt I'd failed. The interventions (induction, forceps and episiotomy) were all fully necessary in my case and not as bad as I feared. However I struggled for weeks afterwards because the course made me feel as though with some deep breathing and massage I could have avoided them, when actually I couldn't and they were necessary to save my baby. If I ever have a second, I'll definitely choose a more balanced birth course - I recommend midwife pip on Instagram for realistic advice! Not saying you shouldn't do the courses but just research all the interventions thoroughly as well and remember it's not failing to need help. I wish someone had told me that 🙂

I had an episiotomy - it sounds so much more of a big deal than it actually is. They numbed it, there was literally nothing to feel - I think they could get away with doing it without telling you, you would be none the wiser until after the birth when the midwife has to sit there for a little while to stitch it up again. They did that while I was having baby cuddles, I couldn’t have cared less what was going on down there at that point, so again if she hadn’t told me what she was doing there I might not have even noticed! An hour or so later I thought surely it must feel sore soon with the anaesthetic wearing off but it actually never did. I mean obviously your vagina is somewhat sore and achey afterwards, but I definitely didn’t feel like I had stitches or a cut down there. Took about two weeks to heal. Vaginas are tough as nails 😂

I wasn't into hypnobirthing type stuff but had never been in hospital before so was nervous about delivery! What helped me more than anything was a tour of the ward. Actually having a look around to see what the wards and rooms were like. Knowing exactly what facilities there were, and what the procedures were for the unit. I attended the antenatal classes run by the hospital.
But this was pre-covid, but familiarising yourself with the unit might help?

I agree with this! I felt like a massive failure first time around because I didn't have the perfect birth, and wish I'd been more prepared.

OP, honesty I had an episiotomy first time, and a deep 2nd degree tear 2nd time. I didn't feel either at the time, although the stitches aren't nice when being done afterwards and the recovery is fine, you have a lovely baby to concentrate on so it's less of an issue x

@BeanieTeen I thought "wow I'm not in pain at all I'm going to stop popping these paracetamol pills they are giving me every 6 hours" my god when I skipped one dose I paid for it 😂 I couldn't sit down it was bad. Highly recommend everyone takes their painkillers after an episiotomy! It really stops it hurting I felt no pain when I was on them. I agree though I didn't notice them doing the cut. I didn't experience the stitching though as I was knocked out in theatre as they were also manually removing the placenta at the time.

Hi, a few things - I was very scared about giving birth thanks to some horror stories from family.

To prepare I watched actual births - YouTube and one born every minute just to get a feel for what might happen so it wasn't such a shock.

Needles etc. it's highly likely you will have a canula fitted when you are admitted. But don't look while it is done.

I had to have an episiotomy with my first. I was terrified about needing intervention.

Firstly if your labour gets to a stage where this is needed - you will accept anything to get the baby out safely. And it's quick. It's minutes and then it is over.

I had a local anaesthetic so didn't feel anything

Also - you don't need to see anything. For the final stages of my labour my eyes were firmly closed and focused on pushing until they told me the baby was out.

Hi I also wanted to suggest doing a hypnobirthing course. It will 100% help you

@Loulou1712 and @Oiwiththepoodlesalreadygg Out of interest which courses did you do? I did Positive Birth Company and found the focus of that to be more about the BRAIN concept of being able to calmly think through and make decisions during labour with the primary goals being your comfort and the baby's safety.

@TheBirdintheCave I also did the PBC one. The BRAIN elements were definitely useful but I just felt all the emphasis was on creating an environment with candles etc and prioritising non medical births. I bought into it completely and my birth plan was very much water birth, no epidural, staying active and upright. Then my waters broke, labour didn't start and I needed induction and forceps and had to be continuously monitored so no movement. The BRAIN elements helped me to accept these interventions but overall I didn't feel well prepared and struggled to accept how different my birth was to my 'plan'. In hindsight I was naive to think I could plan it but I think a good course should cover interventions properly rather than just a making them a sidenote. I don't want to derail the thread with my thoughts on PBC, clearly I'm in the minority and if it works for other people then I think that's great!

I did the PBC course and it just changed my whole mindset about birth. I really appreciated the science behind the process and especially the bit about how mammals give birth in private dimly lit places.

the adrenaline vs oxytocin bit was eye opening. i really fought hard for a MLU birth as the home births had stoped due to covid and it was my fastest and best birth. I credit it completely to the hypnobirthing.

There are of course other courses too so look around. The PBC one was on offer when I did it

I decided to have c sections so I could relax during pregnancy and not have anxiety about the what ifs.

Get a TENS machine

Get into a bath/pool whenever you can

It will be fine. No matter what you plan for, your birth will take the direction it takes, and you will be looked after throughout.

I had a long labour, and an emergency c section and I would have done it all again the next day.

Depending on budget, do a hypnobirthing course. We had a lady come to our house every week for about 6 or 7 weeks to do our course. I had been so anxious about labour and birth but the breathing expertises got me through everything.

I can't say it loud enough... EPIDURAL!!
I had a private midwife and planned a home birth as I was terrified of hospitals and giving birth. Turns out the best place for me was the bright lights of the hospital delivery suite and the epidural was the best thing that got me through. Giving birth was so much easier after the needle went in. I only wish I planned a hospital birth and had it sooner. I wouldn't contemplate giving birth again without one.

If you're scared of hospitals then that's probably not the best place for you to give birth.

Fright, stress and anxiety isn't really the way to keep the oxytocin flowing is it?

Look into homebirth, or an mlu.

I have the same issue op, my whole teenage years I had been frightened by other peoples terrible birth stories that now I’m pregnant I’m frightened. I hate hospitals, they give me such anxiety to the point I can’t sleep the night before an appointment because I’m constantly worrying about what’s going to happen. I was so grateful that my antinatal team booked all my appointments on a Wednesday which was the day my partner had off work so he could come with me and he has been there for every appointment. He has held my hand through blood tests and I’ve had to have more than usual due to having serial scans he sat with me for two hours during my GT so I wasn’t in a hospital environment on my own and he has been so supportive of my fear even when I talk about it so often. We’ve talked about my birth plan 1000 times so he can advocate for me which removed the fear of being totally out of control. Even though I know birth doesn’t go to plan it’s nice to know that he knows me preferences and my fears around certain things which he can relay to midwives. I have a fear of C-section as my mother haemorrhaged with her last baby 22 years ago and it was so bad that the midwife told my father that they might not be able to save her once the baby was out. Thankfully both my brother and my mother lived but she was in hospital a long time after and after that she decided she wasn’t going to have anymore. I’m also frightened of having an episiotomy or having to have an epidural or even tearing so bad that I need to have stitches. All I’ve done to prepare is voice my concerns which I’m going to talk to my midwife about and spoken at length to my partner about what I’m frightened of and why. I think a lot of it is down to the “unknown” im a ftm so don’t know how I’m going to react to labour in general and what’s going to happen but I feel so much better having a supporting partner there by my side understanding why I feel the way I do.