Anxiety attacks - looking for support

[Moonchild1]

I am pregnant for the first time in my life, and have only been for a few weeks now. I am having frequent anxiety attacks, they all come from fears that I have and feel ashamed of. I feel really helpless and am not sure what to do.

The thoughts that trigger those fears mainly have to do with losing myself as a human being, losing my identity, being a "slave" for the rest of my life. All are shallow and childish fears, but they are there, and I find it hard to ignore them.
Also, trying to imagine my life with a newborn that needs my body constantly brings tears to my eyes, and sadness. I am very ashamed and feel guilty for it, because it should bring happiness, shouldn't it?

It does not happen all the time though, but when it does, I am having an anxiety attack. Am I the only one who has these thoughts, should I look at myself like a freak? Am I not allowed to be a mother?

Just to give you it from a positive perspective.. you are probably basing all of this on a screaming baby who doesn’t sleep and just constantly needs you. What if that’s not the case? What if they sleep all night from 6 weeks old? What if you have every evening to yourself? What if it’s the most fun you’ve ever had? What if they aren’t actually that annoying or hard work? What if they really blooming cute?!

All 100% true for me! Do some breathing exercises, do whatever chills you out but don’t assume the worst

Hi and thank you so much for the calming answer! It might definitely be, that I tend to see the worst case scenario. But I really do hear it from a lot of people, how demanding and life changing it is. When I dare to say that I would like to keep also focusing on my career and my hobbies, some criticize me and say that right now I should only have the baby as priority, that I should understand that I am entering an unknown territory, and everything could happen. I do understand it of course, but I find it so hard to accept. I will have a baby and maybe I would be able to maintain everything else, but I should not promise myself anything because I will be very sad and disappointed to learn otherwise...

I am in the same position, more or less. Found out just over two weeks ago that I’m pregnant (now 8 weeks) and some of the time I feel fine, but I also find myself having panic attacks and feeling very freaked out and wishing it wasn't happening. I have a tendency to imagine the worst case scenario and find it more believable than a good scenario. You’re not alone, I feel this way and have similar fears, and other women will too. But I keep thinking, if being a parent is so bad, why do people keep having multiple children?!
Last night I had a panic attack about it all, about the fifth one I’ve had, and this morning I feel sad, but I think a lot of it is hormones messing with my perspective. I believe things will settle down and I’ll feel okay and able to get excited. I’m sure it will be the same for you - it is a huge bit of news to adjust to, give yourself time, that’s what I’m trying to do.😊

@Moonchild1 it sounds like professional support might be helpful at this time, have you considered therapy?

For anxiety specifically, I had a really bad few months with frequent attacks after a second MC last year and the one thing that changed everything for me was the book called Hope and Help for your Nerves by Dr Claire Weekes (an audiobook is also available on YouTube). I’ve seen a few people swearing by it on MN and having tried so many things already which didn’t work, gave it a go. It changed my life.

Please be kind to yourself and remember that a lot of your thoughts is anxiety talking. You are not thinking calmly and clearly and seeing things in the most negative light - that’s literally the definition of bad anxiety. So don’t trust all that comes to your mind, it will change when you feel better.

Hope you feel better soon xx