I am so lucky to have 5 children and thought I was even luckier when we got pregnant with our 6th. More fun to add to the brood! Pregnany was fine til about 28 weeks when I got really painful/sore legs, whilst that can be normal in pregnancy I KNEW it wasn't being pregnant. Something was wrong! My midwife knowing me referred me to the dr but they dismissed me. Throughout the pregnancy it got worse and worse, baby was small but OK but drs said best decision was to induce at 37 weeks (my baby before was induced at 37 weeks to due to small size) They said likelihood was soon as baby was born my symptoms would go all would be fine.....I kept telling them it wasn't baby related! So 37 weeks came we went and was induced, all fine but to ME the birth wasn't right either! I expressed my concerns but no all was OK and after staying in for the 24 hour period we were allowed home. We got home at 9pm the night after the birth and all was fine. We went to bed, was up feeding and changing and I noticed my little man was a bit sleepy but thought well he's just been born that's how they are. I fed him and put him down at 3 30am. Sorted myself out checked him and lay down. Woke up at 7am in a panic....looked across and realised he wasn't breathing (cue all the screaming hysterics 999 ambulance hospital) Sadly my little boy passed away and we didn't know why. Investigations were done and it took MONTHS! I felt everyone was looking at me yet I felt I'd told EVERYONE something wasn't right the whole time!. It has been a very long, hard 12 months. They said after the baby was born my painful legs/feet would go......course it didn't! I TOLD them it wasn't baby related! I've literally just been seen by a neurologist and had an mri and nerve tests to see what's going on and still awaiting results. After our little man's post mortem we were told it was an extremely rare genetic condition. The paediatrician at our hospital said he'd been there 30 years and never seen a case before! We are in the process of having genetic testing done as our other children are thank god fine and they are all a bit dumbfounded as to what to actually classify our little man's "problem" as. Currently it's just a undisclosed metabolic condition. As you can imagine between loosing our little boy, my deterioration in health it's been a very very hard time! They mentioned having more children and the "likelyhood" of it happening again but we just weren't interested at the time we were just about holding things together let alone having sex! The last few months things have settled a bit, my health has stopped getting worse which is a blessing and they seem to be taking it more seriously and have had all the tests under the sun and are looking forward to the results soon (even if its not what I want to hear least there's finally a reason!) So thankfully we've been getting back closer and closer and we finally managed to have sex again for the 1st time the beginning of July (a year since loosing our baby boy). Once! Then my period didn't come in August, I've taken tests and all positive and I just don't know how to cope with this. I'm on lots of medication which normally I wouldn't even take a paracetamol whilst pregnant! And I'm scared people will think how can they after loosing their little boy? I just feel so confused, upset and in all honesty amazed it's even happened!
So sorry if you've got this far, thank you for reading I just don't know where else to turn to waffle about it. According to my predictions I'm about 5 weeks 3 days ish so super early but no idea I feel about it or if I can even do it! All I can think about is my little man and about his birthday and how it should be.....its so so hard! So if anyone has any advice or have been through it before please message me ❤️