I don't think I can cope if this goes wrong :(

[Lyla82]

Hi everyone, I'm having a hard time today and thought I'd get it off my chest on here.

A bit of background, I'm 40, no DC and had a MMC at 12 weeks last year. My partner and I have been so desperate for a baby and it's been such an emotional time for us and tbh it's taken its toll on our relationship sometimes as he suffers from depression and can't seem to cope if I feel down and becomes distant and cold.

I'm now 6+6 weeks pregnant and had an early scan two days ago that showed a strong heartbeat and baby was tracking at 7+2 (so 5 days ahead), and we were both over the moon happy, but I've had that before and still suffered loss, so it's still a worry for me.

I've realised today that the only symptoms I have are swollen (not tender) breasts and fleeting seconds of feeling a little bit sickly. I'm on progesterone due to previous loss and from my understanding the swollen breasts can be caused by this.

During my pregnancy that ended in MMC I felt sick, went for a wee throughout the night, looked flushed, had sore nipples. I have none of that now.

I am so scared that we are going to lose this pregnancy and that not only will I be grieving for my much wanted and loved baby, but the chances of having a baby at my age are greatly decreasing and I'll go back to feeling despair and hopelessness and my partner will go back into his depressive state and everything will just be awful again.

I'm not really sure what I'm looking for on here, maybe some reassurance or advice.

Thank you x

Hey op, so sorry for your loss and that you are feeling this way 💐🫶

My story is a bit different, I've got one DD and since trying for no 2 I've had 3 early losses. I'm now 5+3 approx and I'm also on progesterone. Just wanted to provide some solidarity as this pregnancy I've also had none of my usual symptoms whatsoever. However I'm trying to think maybe that's a Good thing, as my last 3 ended in loss... Normally I get v sore boobs straight away but still nothing this time. Also no nausea yet really. I'm actually waiting to have a super early scan as I've been having some right side pain, so worried about ectopic. Anyway, just to reassure you - I don't think progesterone necessarily causes sore or swollen boobs as I don't have these and I'm on it! So if say that could be your nice healthy HCG :) try to have faith, you've got the progesterone now and in absence of any bleeding plus seeing a good heartbeat you are in a good place and have every chance this pregnancy will go on 💜💜💜 one day at a time xxx

I don’t have any advice really, just an internet hug. It’s a really tough place to be in. I’ve felt that fear. I think I felt guilt too as in many ways I was more frightened of having to TTC again than connected to the baby at that stage. I found it helped me to just decide to be excited about it anyway. I realized I couldn’t change the result so I just pretended everything was going to work out fine and managed to convince myself most of the time. I haven’t had miscarriages though, just a very long IVF journey, so that may have made it easier to ignore the frightening thoughts.

Can you try to plan lots of activities to take your mind off it? We went on a lot of walks and day trips to towns we’d not visited before. Can’t say I got any work done for 3 months but it made weekends easier.

hugs xxx

Hi Skylark, thank you so much for taking the time to reply.
I'm very sorry to hear about your losses 🤍🤍🤍
Congratulations on your pregnancy!
I'm the same, I keep trying to convince myself that feeling different to last time is a good thing. Did you have symptoms with your DD? And how long have you been taking progesterone for now? I checked my tracker and I didn't get sore boobs until 10 days after I started the progesterone. I'm on 800mg a day.

When is your scan? The right side pain could just be the corpus luteum, so hopefully they can rule out at ectopic. I have everything crossed for you.
Thanks again for your advice. You're right, one day at a time... I just wish the days would go quicker! 😁 xx

@Lyla82 with my DD I did have slightly sore boobs I think but I can't really remember, and don't think they were constantly sore - I remember having them before my positive test as I logged it but not sure if they continued as didn't keep logging it haha. My morning sickness didn't kick in till 6 weeks at least and vomiting not till 7 weeks. It got a lot worse at 8-14 weeks then stopped at 16 week.

I just had the scan and it's in the right place! Phew. Saw a yolk and gestational sac but no heartbeat or embryo yet, they said it's too early and they're happy with what they saw given I'm only just 5 weeks. I'm going back in two weeks to see if there's a heartbeat 🤞🤞🤞🤞

Hopefully these little beans are the ones for us! And like someone else said, I think distracting activities are key for both of us! X

Oh sorry, I have been on progesterone same dose as you since my bfp at 11dpo ☺️ how about you?

Hi Krakinou, thanks so much for replying.

It's so hard isn't it. I can relate to how you feel as we had undergone two failed/cancelled rounds of IVF and actually found out I was pregnant naturally the day we were meant to start our third round! So I completely understand the feelings of worry of having to start TTC again as it just feels like the biggest uphill battle and feels hopeless sometimes. That's exactly what I'm scared of too.
I'm going to try to keep my mind occupied as much as I can. We have another scan next Thursday as we are being monitored by the hospital, so we'll see how that goes.
I'm reading from your message that you went on to have a healthy DC. I hope so ❤️ xx

See that's the thing, most people have sickness and I'm 7 weeks tomorrow and only have very fleeting (literally seconds) of feeling a bit sickly. Did you have sickness with your losses? I'm guessing so if you said this one is different.
That's great news about the scan! ❤️ I hope that's helped you to feel better. I have everything crossed for your next scan and hope you see a lovely little heartbeat!
I went on progesterone a couple of days after my BFP, which was 15dpo.
I hope these little beans are meant to be the ones for us! Xx

I had no sickness at all, I never even felt sick. So I don't think no sickness is a thing to worry about.

@Lyla82 a lot of my friends hardly had any sickness in their pregnancies, I was in the minority it seemed with actual spewing! So try not to worry. I'm sure little one will be developing nicely 🥰🥰🥰

When is your next scan?
My losses were quite early, two at about 5 weeks and one at 6.5 weeks so no I didn't really have sickness for those but it was too early anyway.

Thank you! That's very reassuring to hear.

Oh really, that does make me feel more reassured.
I hope so! Next scan is next Thursday.
Ah I see. Thanks again for your help x

Let us know how the scan goes next week! Join the due in April thread if you like (are you due April?) and I'll see you there 😊 I'm also on due in Feb/march after MC as I was in it for my previous pregnancy and went back after I realised pregnant again as they are such a lovely bunch, so if you are due March you could join that instead 🫶🥰 xxx

I'm not sure if this is the right or total wrong thing to say but I'm currently pregnant (19 weeks) after 2 years of loss after loss after loss. I've had an awful feeling from the start, totally convinced at each scan it would go wrong, symptoms come and go, basically I was sure this would be the same as the others and so far this little one keeps surprising us. I guess what I'm trying to say is thinking and worrying it's going wrong isn't some kind of omen or premonition, it's just your previous trauma tricking you and this is a brand new pregnancy. Sending so much love, I found it so so hard in the earlier days and to be honest still incredibly hard now but I suppose in different ways xxxx

I'm currently 20 weeks pregnant with a healthy pregnancy after suffering a MMC last November, scans at 6 and 8 weeks perfectly fine then 12 weeks no heartbeat. Surprisingly with that pregnancy I had all the symptoms and quite bad I suffered awful with sickness 24/7 sore breasts, aversions you name it I had them all. This time around I've had very little nausea at the start some minor sore breasts but that's it. Apart from my growing belly and movements that I've now started feeling I don't actually have any of the 'pregnancy symptoms' nor did I have much in the first trimester. I really hope your the same as me and our healthy pregnancies have less symptoms. The worrying never goes away tho, I think it stays with you after a loss and I won't stop worrying until I have my baby in arms 💖