Labour anxiety - help!

[Cl9]

I had the midwife today and when she felt my stomach for the head she ended up going really low down and said the baby was engaged and ready to go. Does that mean labour is near??

Also all of a sudden I’m so anxious about labour - I just don’t see how it’s possible for something to come out of such a small place and I’m panicking about pain relief etc. Does anyone have any advice for easing this? The midwife has booked me an extra appointment because we ran out of time today, is there anything specific I should ask?

Bump in the hopes someone can offer me any advice :( being irrational I know but cracking up at the thought of labour!

It is absolutely normal to be anxious about labour. I had a perfectly smooth labour with my first and yet with just over 4 weeks to go until my due date for no.2 I am starting to get a bit anxious myself!

Something that really helped me stay calm was being informed about labour and the process of giving birth. I did the positive birth company course, which comes in the form of a set of informative videos you can purchase for around £30. It is a hypnobirthing course so it does focus a lot on having a home birth/mlu birth, however the key thing I took away from it was that I knew enough about labour and childbirth to advocate for myself and make informed decisions, which made me feel more in control.

Is there anything you are especially anxious about?

Unfortunately no. I've known women to be engaged and then for the head to pop back up again. In regards to anxiety I think everyone has some anxiety over birth. Try to stay calm though, that oxytocin won't get going if you tense up. Believe in yourself and your ability to give birth. Try to remind yourself that women have been doing this all before pain relief was a thing! There are options for pain relief like epidural. Don't listen to horror stories or hippy dippy BS about them because they are there for a reason and if it were men that gave birth an epidural would be the normal go to before labour even started 😆😆.

A breathing technique I recommend trying now (will calm you down a bit and will let you practice for actual labour) is to breathe in for 4, and out for 8. So inhale through your nose counting to 4 in your head, and out through your mouth for 8 seconds and keep repeating it. The focus of breathing should reset your mind. I did a free mini hypnobirthing masterclass from the positive birth company and they have an app you can purchase called the freya app which does the counting for you etc. I would also recommend watching some youtube videos from their channel (will link it) and just get to know your body and how amazing the human body is. Yes labour and birth are painful but my god it's the most empowering thing you will ever experience, and remember, each contraction is a step closer to meeting your precious baby. Hope all goes well x x

https://youtube.com/c/thepositivebirthcompany

It’s good that you have identified this anxiety now and are trying to address it ahead of Labour. Being calm will absolutely definitely help you have a smoother Labour (even if things don’t go the way you’d like and you end up with a different kind of birth than what you would like. Being calm will help ANY type of birth. Worry, stress, tension will hinder).

I read a hypnobirthing book by Katherine Greaves ahead of my second birth. it has lots of information about the kind of “zone” you need to go in when in Labour. I Practiced the breathing and visualisations a bit but not loads. It helped immensely.

How many weeks are you?

The baby being engaged can mean anything from labour being very imminent to being a few weeks away.

It's completely natural to feel anxious about labour, but when you are in the middle of it your instincts will kick in and you will cope just fine.

I found positive affirmations really helpful in the lead up to labour, definitely don't underestimate the power of positive thinking. You can Google them and find ones that resonate with you but one of my favoirotes was 'there's a secret in our culture. And it's not that birth is painful it's that women are strong.'

I felt like this before my first baby too. I strongly recommend you do the digital hypnobirthing course by the positive birth company to feel in control of the situation and understand what’s happening, the role of hormones and their importance, techniques to stay calm, etc.

Also all of a sudden I’m so anxious about labour - I just don’t see how it’s possible for something to come out of such a small place and I’m panicking about pain relief etc. Does anyone have any advice for easing this?

Everyone’s experience is different but for what it’s worth, pushing the baby out of the said small space was the easiest bit for me. Contractions were very hard work - but I chose to give birth in a birthing centre where epidurals were not available. But for convenience - our nearest hospital is a lot further away and the maternity ward there notoriously busy - I’d still do it that way again.
Speak to your midwife about pain relief that’s available if it’s worrying you. Maybe have a chat about a water birth if that might add a more relaxing vibe for you. There are lots of options to make contractions more manageable, but you need to be in the right place for that - so if you think you will want an epidural you’ll most likely need to be in a hospital and not a maternity centre.
Labour is no walk in the park - but its generally not bad enough to put most women off doing it more than once! That’s something to hopefully put you at ease.
As above, it can be a surprisingly empowering experience. I won’t lie, I felt a bit bruised and battered afterwards, but in a very good way, like I’d just won a boxing match 😄 I was definitely on a high after it was all done.

I loved the positive birth book by Milli hill. She has a chapter on labour and goes through every stage and it really reassured me. Goes through pain relief options, the mechanics of labour and all sorts of bits and bobs. I read it the night before I went into labour and I have to admit it really helped. There was a bit in it about breaking down pain into time spent during labour and one of the sentences written was something like "i can do anything for a minute". I found having contractions broken down like that really helpful. X

There was a bit in it about breaking down pain into time spent during labour and one of the sentences written was something like "i can do anything for a minute". I found having contractions broken down like that really helpful.

My midwife gave me similar advice too before labour which was really useful! She drew a picture of an arc and said to imagine a contraction as a big hill - essentially only 1 quarter of the hill is really hard work. The first quarter is a build up, you feel it’s coming but the pain is still ok. The second quarter is the worst bit as you reach the top. The third quarter, as you go back down, still hurts a lot but you can feel it letting up so it’s already a lot better than the second quarter. The last quarter is the contraction going away - again it still hurts, but no where near as much as the second and third quarter and because you know it’s going away now you don’t really care.
So out of that minute say, there’s only 15 seconds that you really need to power through and the remaining 45 aren’t that bad. (And sometimes contractions aren’t even a minute, so you could be talking less than that).
Without her diagram it maybe doesn’t make sense! But I did imagine that mountain as I had the contractions and it really helped.

@Cl9 how far along are you? It doesn't mean anything about when labour will start unfortunately.

With my dd, she was engaged from 36 weeks right up to 39 weeks. I went into labour at 40+1 and she'd turned transverse after my 39 week appointment 😬.

Babies dip in and out of engagement.

Thanks everyone there’s some really helpful stuff in there that I’m gonna have a look at today!

I think honestly I’m mostly anxious about the unknown. I’m also awful when it comes to pain and I’ve been in and out of hospital a lot over the last few weeks and hearing people in the induction ward and things happening to them has sparked some fear as well.

@Chanel05 @bluepurplered I’m just over 37 weeks!

My midwife ran out of time yesterday but said she would call between 4 and 5 last night to book an extra appointment time to discuss the birth plan (we didn’t go over any of this) and also book my next routine appointment - she hasn’t called so I might try and give her a buzz today as I don’t feel great not even having my next routine appointment in place. I’m sure all of these feelings are normal and I need to stop letting them take control but it’s so hard!

@Cl9 I became fascinated by watching birth stories on YouTube when I'd started my mat leave. You can type "positive" in too.

I'm not going to lie, my labour was painful because of my dd's position
( and I had an emcs in the end too)but once I'd had my epidural life was wonderful!!

Take all the drugs you're offered if you're not coping. You don't win a prize for holding back on pethadine/epidural etc if you need it. You might find that you don't! Have you thought about renting a tens machine? I haven't decided whether to have an elective section or go for vbac but if I do, I'm going to rent a tens machine this time.

@Chanel05 yeah I think I definitely need to look up some positive stories - I seem to have only heard about (both through the grapevine and in triage!) the scary ones.

I think I’ll just work my way through the drugs as I need to - the thought of an epidural terrifies me (just not good in general with needles) but I’m sure in a painful situation I’ll welcome it! My tens machine arrives tomorrow!

Were you in hospital for longer after your epidural? Not sure if I’ve imagined that you need to stay longer for them to check your bladder function etc?

The vast majority of women have positive or at least neutral labours and births, you just don’t hear about them! My labour was great! Because I had a birth plan I felt in control the whole time, even though we went “off plan” because we had thought about everything it still felt fine. So my advice would be have a plan, consider all options, and be flexible. You will know what you want to do in the moment so just go with it!

Also your midwife sounds great! Mine didn’t ask about my plan at all

@Cl9 I know it's easy for me to say but try not to worry
I was exactly the same before my first as I have a really low pain threshold - my mum once said to me years before as a throwaway comment "heaven help when you have a baby!" And it stuck with me.

But I managed to cope with the pain. Yes it hurts but it's different as a lot of time when you are in pain it's unknown pain and it's sudden. With labour you know what the pain is and it often builds so it's easier to cope with.

Although it's basic breathing really does help!! If you panic or get scared then the body produces more adrenaline which makes your muscles contract the opposite way to contractions and can mean more pain.
The breathing in and out and counting as mentioned above really helped me.

Good luck! Stay calm! You'll be amazing x

When the anaesthetist came in to give me my epidural I couldn't have cared less at that point - she was my favourite woman in the world! Keep in mind that it can take a while for an anaesthetist to arrive once the midwife has requested one. It took two hours for me to get one in the end because she kept being called into emergency sections.

I ended up in hospital for 5 days after my section because I suffered a lot of complications during but that was nothing to do with my epidural.

Knowledge is power - I think the more you know - the better prepared you will be. Small things like when you have a contraction - don't hold your breath it makes it so much worse which is the instinct - but breathing really does help.

I binge watched one born every minute to see what actually happens so it's not a shock.

I was terrified of having instruments. My first needed a ventouse (suction cap) and episiotomy . It happened so quick I barely knew what was going on.

Hi @Cl9 how did you get on? Hope your anxioetu didn't get the better of you xx

I've always been of the mindset that, it's gonna hurt, but baby has to come out, and even a C-section has pain afterwards. It's not a pleasant thing to experience but keeping my mind on why I was in pain and that it was normal and that it wouldn't last forever and I'd have my baby at the end of it, really helped me get through each contraction. Women have been giving birth since the beginning of time, and we are fortunate to live in a time when we have many pain relief options and good standards of hygiene to keep us and baby safe. Good luck! And try (as hard as it is at times) not to over think it.

@december2022 hello! I had a very rough time haha. I was induced with the foley balloon and ended up in complete agony and had a huge uncontrollable bleed. The balloon was taken out after 4 hours (it hadn’t helped me progress, it just sent me into a non stop contraction) and the pain finally dulled down but they couldn’t control the bleeding and I ended up with an emergency c section. Had a nasty infection post surgery followed by the wound itself being infected. The bleeding was down to a blood clot behind the placenta (they think), so a section was the right course of action anyway.

All worth it in the end though and my little girl is 4 weeks old. Can’t say I’m in a hurry to go through pregnancy and birth again though!

Oh bless you @Cl9. That sounds so tough. I had a similar experience regarding the constant pain with induction it was horrible. Sorry you had such a hard time but glad you are both safe and well