How to deal with unsupportive parents during pregnancy?

[MamaSkye]

Hi everyone, I’m new to mumsnet. Tomorrow I’ll be 37 weeks pregnant with our rainbow baby girl. Super nervous but getting more excited now too!
I mostly wanted to rant, and ask for any advice or similar situations, with a lack of parental support during pregnancy.

My relationship with my parents has never been close, and growing up with them was quite tough. However during the last few years I’ve managed to have a much better relationship with them. My dad had always been difficult, and can be downright nasty as times. My mum is very passive, so will do whatever to try and keep my dad in ‘good spirits’.

The main reason for this post is that throughout my pregnancy my parents have shown little support or enthusiasm. My dad has actually ignored almost all of my pregnancy updates, and my mum has seemed a little indifferent at times. My husband’s family are over the moon about the baby, have sent us lots of gifts, and are ringing most weeks to check in on how I’m doing. In contrast my dad doesn’t seem to want to be a grandad at all. My mum was initially more excited, but the closer I get to my due date, the less interested she seems.

Last week I had a panic about who could look after our dog when I go into labour (a well behaved, super friendly collie). I rang my mum to ask if there was any way she could look after him when I’m in labour (they also have a dog and my mum loves our dog). She checked with my dad who straight away refused. She then said that she would come to our house to look after him if I needed, and would pack some bags ready.
Yet today, she has just informed me that they’ve booked a holiday for the week of my due date.. And I just feel so confused and upset. I know I’ve got a million hormones going around right now, but I feel so sad that my parents don’t seem to want anything to do with me becoming a mum. Especially when they saw how devastated I was when I miscarried last year.

Has anyone else experienced anything similar with their parents? And does anyone have any advice? I could talk to my mum about it, but talking to my dad always either falls on deaf ears or results in an angry defensive outburst from him.

Sorry for the long post!

As hard as it is I think the best thing you could do is make your peace with it - that they're not going to be who you want then to be or give you what you need/want. Otherwise you're just going to have more upset - when the baby comes, when they don't pay her enough attention or make an effort, when they don't care about birthdays or Christmas. I'm sorry, it's hard but protecting yourself will make you happier in the long run.

As above. It’s a real shame and I can understand you’re hurt and frustration but if you didn’t have much of a relationship with them beforehand, a baby wasn’t necessarily going to change that. I think you’ll be happier if you just let it go. Sounds like you’ve got great support on you DH side. Focus on them instead.

My parents are like this. It will be far far worse when the baby is here. I get absolutely zero help in any way from
grand parents on either side, which MN will tell you you’re entitled to think
otherwise. However you will soon realise the vast majority of people do have grand parental help in some way for their children to some extent, and believe me, life can be very hard with young children without that network. My parents sound similar to yours, my dad actually feels he has to “compete” against the baby to get his own way eg will deliberately book things during nap time then create drama if any flexibility is requested.