Trying to have my first child - MANY QUESTIONS HELP

[Le94]

Hello,

I am at the stage in life where I am wanting a child but I have a couple of questions I’m too scared to ask my friends who have had children or pregnant as I don’t want to offend them in any way. I am 27 and about to start trying for a baby.

Question 1 - I have an awful phobia of being sick & especially throwing up in public. How bad is morning sickness & do you just randomly throw up when you’re out shopping or on the train for example 😅

Question 2 - Do you gain loads of weight or will I remain the same size after pregnancy? I have recently got to my goal weight (9st7) and really do not want put all the weight back on.

Question 3 - Once given birth, what happens to your stomach because some people I have seen still look pregnant like a week or so after? Will the skin go back to tight and normal or will it just be a flap of skin in that makes sense?

Question 4 - How long does it usually take to get pregnant? My partner works away Mon-Thu so I only have Fri-Sun to try for a baby 😅

Very random questions I know 😅
Any advice would also be appreciated!
Thankyou

Hi :)

1. it was worse in my first pregnancy, did throw up in public a couple of times but this time just nausea, no actual vomiting.

2. I didn’t weigh myself after my midwife booking in appointment but after my first pregnancy I was thinner than before I got pregnant by the time I returned to work (breastfeeding burns a lot of calories which helped). I’m nearly 30 weeks with my second now, so hopefully will be similar. I wasn’t big to begin with, but prob went from size 10 pre-pregnancy to an 8 by the time I returned to work.

3. I think it took a few weeks for my stomach to return to looking normal, maybe longer. Never really had a flap of skin or anything.

4. this really depends, especially if you ovulate whilst your partner is away. It took me about 4-5 months each time, including months when we missed ovulation because one of us was away.

:)

1 - awful vomiting with dc1 right up to 24 weeks. Carried sick bags with me at all times. Dc2 was only sick for a week.

2 - dc1 put on lots of weight. Dc2 weighed less after birth than pre-pregnancy.

3 - had 2 emergency sections so my stomach is a mess.

4 - dc1, took 18 months to conceive. Dc2 was conceived straight away.

Question 1 - luck of the draw, I had bad sickness (everywhere and anywhere) but I had a friend who had none at all.

Question 2 - some do, some don't, one bonus of my morning sickness was I actually weighed less after I gave birth than when I got pregnant - but I was overweight before pregnancy.

Question 3 - again it varies with each person, can't really predict what you will look like after, this can also be affected by if you have a c section for example.

Question 4 - how long is a piece of string, I was fortunate to get pregnant very quickly, a friend tried for over 2 years.

It all depends is the answer to your first three questions.

Some people don't get morning sickness, others do and throw up, some have nausea and don't throw up at all - honestly there's no way of knowing..

You might put on weight, you might not, I was back to my pre pregnancy size after 7 months (I breastfed, there's theories that helps, I don't know).

Again, that depends on how big you get, even genes play a role I think and even you have a vaginal birth or C - section (scar). Mine was kind of jiggly for a while, then went back to normal - I'm not sure if it will be the same for a next pregnancy.

It can take up to a year for a healthy couple who have no fertility issues. You need to be having sex every second day at the least during your fertile time so might need to find a way to see each other when he's working away to maximise your chances.

1, not sick , no morning sickness

2, gained about 2 stone still not lost it 4 years later (was trying then lockdown)

3, stomach normal with stretch marks.

4, 10 months

Question 1 I wasn't sick at all. I felt nauseous but wasn't sick.

Question 2 - I was so worried about the weight gain after loosing alot too. I didn't over indulge- now and again I did ofc but not constantly. I did still put on about 2/3 stone but I started dieting when my DD was 8 weeks and she's 8 months now and m lighter than I was PP

Question 3 - my stomach deflated reallllllllly fast. Looking back at pics I was still big but to me it felt tiny again. Stomach is completely back to normal now.

Question 4- I got pregnant the first month of trying but I was using the clear blue ovulation sticks which were great

You haven't asked but I'm just gunna say cos it sounds like we had alot of the same worries- I was petrified about stretch marks. I used mama Mia oil in the morning and bio oil at night religiously... I have them on other parts of my body and my mum has them through pregnancies but luckily I didn't get any so I'm assuming it was the oils!

Good luck!xx

You will find different responses of everybody for this.

Question 1- I had no morning sickness with both pregnancies
Question 2- I gained 15lb in my first pregnancy and lost it all within 10 days. Currently 33 weeks and have gained 10lb.
Question 3 - my stomach went back to normal pretty much straight away I was back in my jeans on day four.
Question 4- it took me about 4 to 6 weeks to get pregnant both times.

Good luck!

I also breastfeed- it does burn a lot of cals! I had a section and was really worried about the scar but I love it

1. Varies, but tbh is rarely wall to wall puking. I mostly felt the tiniest bit nauseous mid morning very briefly during the 1st trimester

2. I don't know many women who have gained significant amounts of weight during pregnancy. More usually a small amount that mostly comes off by running after a newborn ime.

3. again, varies. I always had a tummy even though otherwise quite slim, it was marginally more pronounced after having kids. If it's that important to you, you can work back to a flat tummy. I know some mums of twins who have had 'mummy tucks', as I understand that can be difficult to get rid of otherwise

4. between one go and never, you don't know until you try. First time round I believe it was literally our first attempt, which is unusual, second time it took a few months.

1. just felt sick. I was only sick once in two pregnancies. I just avoided the foods that didn’t appeal and that seemed to work. 2)with my first I weighed less when I left hospital with him than I had before I was pregnant. I gained about half a stone more in my second pregnancy so was a bit fatter. I recovered better from the labour though.
2. It’s like a jelly belly and it went back to normal after about 4 weeks
3. too easily was using contraception both times!

These are all really helpful Thankyou! I suppose with the sickness (if I do get it) I’ll just have to get used to it 😅

Yeah, it generally is a feeling of nausea more than actual throwing up

For some people ...

1. Everybody responds differently. Nausea but not vomitting for me, any time of day.

1. Everybody is different. I gained nothing but the bump, from behind couldn't even tell I was pregnant, even at 41 weeks.

1. Everybody is different. It takes 9m to grow a baby, it will take more than a week for the body to recover. I was back in my pre-pregnancy jeans a little over 2 weeks later though I have a wobble belly now and was flat before. My weight stayed the same but body shape has changed.

1. Everybody is different. Some people just look at their partners and fall pregnant. Some try hard for years and it doesn't happen for ages or at all. I fell on my first cycle of TTC baby1 but miscarried, took another 3m before conceiving my little one. I've been TTC baby2 for 10m now and have miscarried a further twice in that time.

No sickness with either child.

Put on loads of weight with DD but this was in the 90's and midwife said no exercise and eat for two. Ludicrous that I listened to that. DS I was in my 40's and in good shape so carried on at gym til day before birth and ate healthily. Back to pre pregnancy size within a few weeks.

Stomach is a mess. Not fat but there is a bit of a flap and lots od stretch marks. Can't remember what it looked like pre kids to be honest 🤷🏻‍♀️

Both were contraceptive failures (so to speak) so can't help with that. Never had a planned pregnancy.

1. I wasn’t really that sick and know some people aren’t at all. Mine didn’t start until week 9 and was gone 4 weeks later. It was only in the morning and usually just if I was hungry as soon as I woke up, as I walked past the bathroom to go downstairs for breakfast I would get it in my head that I felt sick then be almost boking on the way past the door and need to run in. It was a lot easier if I just kept eating!

1. I was around 10 and a half stone (5ft 9) and gained 3 stone. I didn’t feel fat at all though, it was just extra blood, a bit of swelling etc. Even my face when I came back from the hospital instantly looked different, I think it had been so full of fluid before and I hadn’t even realized. I’m now down to under 9 and a half stone less than a year later. I formula fed. I’ve actually found dieting and eating healthy easier now because I don’t have the time to sit about eating biscuits, he will try to steal a biscuit anyway and because I’m making healthy things for him I end up having the same

1. The weirdest bit for me was after having my csection I got in the bath on about day 5 and as I sat in (with great difficulty) I could feel my stomach all sort of deflated for the first time, when I was so used to getting in the bath with this big ball in front of me. It was literally like an empty bag 🤣 got no stretch marks though and it’s toned up a lot, doesn’t look much different to before now and I could do more to get it more toned if I wanted but haven’t bothered

1. I came off the pill and got pregnant the second month using easy at home ovulation tests twice a day and taking a picture of them on the premium app. Got a bit addicted to scanning them in! I also remortgaged my house and did the clear blue ones too but actually I don’t think there was a need when it just tells you the same thing. We used preseed because after the first month of not getting pregnant we presumed there must be something wrong 🙈 the second month we did it every day until days after ovulation too. Now I’m looking into it all more I’ve seen that all of what I did can lead you to conceiving a boy, which is what we got. So since we swayed blue without knowing last time we’re going to try and stop a few days before ovulation and not use preseed. If it’s another boy I’d still be delighted but just thought I’d do one of each since I did that last tiem! It might mean I don’t fall as quickly this time

since we’re not going to do it right on ovulation, which is obviously the day with the highest chance of success. You’ll be able to just ‘try’ lots on the days he is there, if you do the ovulation tests you’ll know not to waste your time and energy on the days when there’s no chance but sperm can last up to 5 days so even if you ovulate while he’s away, it can still be there waiting for the egg

Good luck, it’s genuinely the best thing ever I was put off for years at the idea that my body would just be completely ruined by it and I was terrified of birth. Ended up with a lovely c-section and my stomach is probably looking better than before 😂 I was almost going to go without a child but I’m sooo glad I changed my mind!

Question 1 - with DS1 I had hg so basically couldn't leave the house for several weeks other than hospital trips for iv fluids. I was sick anywhere and everywhere, work (before I was signed off and after I went back), in the car (carried sick bowl with me), walking from the car to the drs or hospital, on waiting rooms, in Tesco, half way down the stairs as I couldn't manage to get from my bed to the sofa without a little sit down and a puke.
But obviously that's extreme. Most people don't have hg.
With ds2 I was on medication for the first signs of sickness and was only sick at home, in the toilet with my 1 year old copying me or in the kitchen sink after opening the clean dishwasher.

Question 2 - I think I put on around 1stone with each pregnancy but I'm not sure how much was during the actual pregnancy and how much was in the months after because I definitely looked after myself less and ate a lot of crap.

Question 3 - after ds1, I literally watched my stomach deflate in the seconds after he was born. He was taken away immediately after birth to be resuscitated so I was sat up, empty handed and sort of a bit bewildered. And I remember watching my stomach literally deflate in front of me and remember saying "where is my baby?" And "DH, look, my belly has gone!" By the time we left hospital a week later, it was back to normal and I was back in my normal jeans, although I was overall a stone heavier. I got big boobs though so think a lot of the weight was there too!
Ds2 took a little longer but certainly didn't look pregnant after a couple of weeks.

Question 4 - both pregnancies took 4 months. Both times we tried when I thought I was ovulating for 3 months then on the 4th month we used opk and were successful.

Have you had any CBT or other support for the emetophobia? How would you cope if the baby vomited or when it brings up posset? I would seek some help with that first, before TTC.

Hi OP,

1. Every pregnancy is different as I have recently discovered. No sickness/nausea to speak of with my first 3 years ago (had expected it because my mum was sick everyday until I was born). Thought I was safe, and then experienced All day nausea with my current pregnancy. Took me several different prescriptions and about 2 months to finally get some drugs that stop the nausea (some of the first ones I was prescribed stopped the vomit but not the debilitating feeling). I'm still medicated now at 28 weeks, but have been able to function pretty normally since about 14/15 weeks.

1. Depends what you start from and how much you put on during, which can be controlled through diet and exercise. My first pregnancy I started off at about 60kg and put on 12kg to my ELCS at 37+2. I'm sporty and carried on exercising and eating well. Most of the weight came off without trying in the first couple of months and I was back to 60kg before my LO's first birthday - and still had extra weight in my breasts to go at that point as I was still feeding! This time I was a bit heavier (61-62kg) due to lockdown cake eating. The nausea meant I stopped moving much at all let alone doing my usual exercise and I was eating crappy carbs to try and stop myself feeling sick. I gained weight quicker in the first couple of months which concerned me and then booking bloods made the midwife get all excited about potential gestational diabetes (because I'm 42). As I had the nausea under control by this point and could get back to exercise and eating normally, I went low carb to get my Hb1Ac levels down (which has worked) and as a knock on benefit it's also got rid of the lockdown love handles! I'm now tracking a similar weight curve to that in my first pregnancy.

Sorry that was long winded, what I'm saying is that there are ways to make sure that you don't put on too much weight if you're able to eat healthily and keep active.

1. My stomach felt like a water bed, all wibbly wobbly, for a few days. We were in hospital for 4 nights but when I got home I started using a belly wrap and hip wrap (I used Belly Bandit) as I'd read that it helped to reduce the swelling and give support. Having had a casearean, it definitely made me feel better supported and I think helped to make sure that my hips went back to pre-pregnancy size. No skin issues for me (might just be lucky with genetics), I also used a Secret Saviours band to help prevent stretch marks (I didn't get any) so that might have also helped my skin not get baggy.

1. Three months for the first, then three months until I had a chemical pregnancy, followed by another 3 months with the second. I track my cycle with BBT and used ovulation sticks, which helps to pin point ovulation.

Good luck OP