I can’t handle pregnancy after miscarriage

[nofaith]

I miscarried at 17+5 earlier in the year, it was a missed miscarriage the baby had died days after my 12 week scan and I had no idea.

I am now 12 weeks again and I’m just not ok. I’m trying so hard to be positive but I’m crampy and have twinges and I panic every time. I left work in tears today and had to get myself signed off because my mental health is just so poor right now. It’s all consuming I’m constantly just googling about miscarriage signs, symptoms, statistics, causes. I’m desperately looking for answers which the post mortem still hasn’t given me (results still not back) and analysing everything I did last time and trying to avoid doing it again. I won’t take a bath, use my hot water bottle, eat certain foods, go swimming, and it’s like my mind is constantly in overdrive or did I eat this last time? Is this why I miscarried? I have cramps is it because I’m over doing it? It’s exhausting and at this point I feel so on edge like everything I do, eat, feel is going to mean another loss. Has anyone felt like this? I just can’t hack it at all I’m not coping

I'm so sorry for your loss, can't imagine how difficult that must have been. There's a book called pregnancy after loss by Zoe Clark coates which always gets good reviews, you could give that a read? The miscarriage won't have been anything you've done 💕 also the Insta account theworstgirlgangever for a community of people who have suffered baby loss x

You have symptoms of maternal OCD and you need to see a doctor, or ask your midwife for a perinatal MH referral

I had it and was very unwell, but was given a lot more midwife appointments and scans for reassurance. There is the option of medication too.

I’m so sorry you’re going through this, I’m going through the same at the moment and I know how you feel but really nothing you did or didn’t do last time will have caused it. As hard as it is to accept, it’s just completely out of your hands. I have had several losses and so far one successful pregnancy. The times when I’ve had losses I’ve done everything by the book totally and still experienced loss. With DS I had no idea I was pregnant for seven weeks and I drank heavily on holiday, went in a hot tub, ate all the wrong things and he’s fine. Is hard enough just getting through the anxiety every day so please be kind to yourself.
I understand how you feel, I’m nearly 15 weeks after three losses in a row and I just keep thinking to myself how do I even know if there’s still a heartbeat but after one loss the odds are very much in your favour that everything is fine. Can you get some extra scans if that would put your mind at rest.

I’m so so sorry you’re going through this. Pregnancy is an anxious time anyway, but pregnancy after loss really heightens that anxiety. I’d second there recommendations that you ask to be seen by a mental health midwife / your hospital’s perinatal mental health team. Hope you also have good friends and family you can talk to about it.

Thank you. Sorry to hear some of you have been through this too. I knew it would be an anxious time of course, I didn’t expect it to be quite so all consuming however and the level of fear is just exhausting quite frankly. I’m passing out around 8.30pm every night because I’m just mentally drained. I will speak to my midwife on Monday. She does ask how I am at appointments and I’ve always said I’m anxious and she said it’s to be expected after what happened. Perhaps I’m not conveying quite how bad it’s gotten.

Hi @nofaith just wanted to chime in and say I can relate to how you are feeling. I had three losses in a row before I had my now cheeky, loud and chunky 9 month old. Honestly the first trimester was hell on earth for me because every minute of every day was consumed with thoughts of losing the pregnancy. Like you I would collapse into bed early with sheer fatigue after having worked myself up all day. It almost felt like this would make the time pass quickly. My midwife was amazing and let me go in for her to listen on the Doppler as often as I liked, and even came home to see me a couple of times when I wasn’t sure I could feel movements- hopefully yours could do the same? I taught myself some deep breathing techniques that helped me in the labour, perhaps these might help calm your mind a little too? I inhale for four breathes and then breath out for 8 slowly, really focusing in on the breath and clearing my mind. Sending you lots of love and luck

I'm so sorry, I'm also pregnant after miscarriage and I can relate with everything you have said here ❤️ I knew it would be hard but I didn't expect for the worry to be as strong after 12 weeks, I don't think I'll relax until baby is in my arms safe and well. I have also had cramps throughout my pregnancy and even though every time it's been fine and is just growing pains, I still worry and panic and think the worst.

Please speak to your midwife and ask for mental health support ❤️ they can offer help. I had some counselling after my miscarriage which really helped me as well, particularly with the feelings of guilt and blaming myself.

Pregnancy after miscarriage is often quite stressful and fraught because you know it can go wrong. It's much harder to relax.
Get some support though as you sound as if you need it. Big hugs.

@nofaith no help whatsoever but I understand. I lost my little boy at 16 weeks in April this year with him passing away in the week after a successful 12 week scan. I'm now 4 weeks again and I can't stop crying, it feels so overwhelming to face going through the utter shock of being told your supposedly healthy baby has died and you now have to deliver them, I didn't appreciate just how terrified I'd be to be pregnant again. Perhaps it's too soon, but I don't know if I'll ever get over that experience. We've also not had the post mortem results back so I'm also worried there might be something wrong with me. I want to go to sleep and wake up with a healthy baby, I don't know how to do this again 😓