Is it ok to only want one child? Feel pressured to have more than one.

[BearMama]

Although I am really happy to be pg, I cant see myself wanting more than one child, being nearly 38 with a depressive DP who is 50. He wants the child and I know he'll be a good Dad (have seen evidence with his DC's) but I think any more would be a serious strain.
Any only child with any advice to give? So many people say "Oh you have to have more than one!" They'll be lonely/unable to share/spoilt. etc. ARG!

It's simply not anyone else's business!! It's really not the case that there are lots of only children with all sorts of social problems while children from larger families are all fine!!

Congratulations on your pregnancy. Please don't worry about what other people think.

Not an only child but I know 'only' children who are perfectly happy BM.

It's your body, your decision, your responsibility and if you deeply don't want another child (and I understand why) then stick to your guns - it's too big a decision to not 100% agree with.

I'm in a similar quandary (but different as well obviously ) and it's a battle isn't it?

OPf course it's perfectly fine to have only one child. I often think my eldest would be some much more advantaged if I'd stopped at one... financially, and in the amount of time I could spend condcentating on him. Ignor what anybody else says!! Espcially when your LO is around 2, as people seem to excpect you to produce another around thim time.

I know plenty of well balanced,de=elightfull "only" children

Why wouldn't it be?

Who's business is it?

One of my two best friends is an only child.

She's wonderful, funny, clever, successful with a terrific life, career, husband and home and I can't wait to see her in May!

Do what makes you happy.

Personally, I hated being pregnant, felt awful the whole time, didnt bloom and had horrendous heartburn. All of that is enough to put me off having another one, no matter how much of a gorgeous little baby (toddler) I have to show for it, I just simply couldn't do it again. The actual birth was a walk in the park compared to being pregnant!

Of course it's OK and it's your decision at the end of the day.

I am an only child, and I'm pretty well adjusted ! The only time I really wanted siblings was when my parents split up when I was at college, just so there was someone else in the middle. As a child it didn't affect me. The only thing I have trouble sharing is puddings - I don't do sharing puddings!!!!

Congratulations on your pregnancy

I could only have one child for various reasons.

He's fine, not lonely, not spoilt, not insular or any of the other things people often attribute to only children.

He's happy and sociable, secure and loved.

It suits us as a family to be a a triangle, just us three.

I'm 38 and got pregnant with this LO ( due in less than a week) totally unplanned.
I am happy to be pregnant and when hes here healthy and well I will thank my lucky stars and love him to bits ( i do already) but dont plan on having another one. At my age I think 1 is plenty and I would worry about health risks. Its a completely individual decision and no one whould attempt to make that choice for you.

Thank you all for your support. I agree its too big a decision to really care about what other people think, esp when its what I want (right now anyway!) But I am surprised how many people hold these views about the importance of more than one.
Sometimes I think there are ulterior motives ie they think I'll be getting off lightly
As if!

We have decided to stop at one and are asked so often when the next one is coming - DD is nearly 3.

At the moment DH works about 70 hours a week and I'm just not prepared to do it alone - when DD was born DH worked much more family friendly hours so was able to be really hands on.

DD is a happy, outgoing, sharing, loving and confident child and I have absolutely no concerns that she will be spoilt or lonely. In actual fact I think I will make more of a conscious effort to encourage her to mix with other people & children. She has also developed a lovely friendship with another girl who will also be an only child.

Sometimes I do wonder if she will 'miss out' on having a sibling, but tbh how many people these days have a close relationship with their siblings.

Some people have said 'Oh, but you're so good at it' meaning being a mother - but I know that the only reason for that is that I'm able to put everything into it because there is only one - if I had any more I know I would be too tired, grumpy and constantly shouting at the children as I really am a nightmare when I'm tired.

We are thinking about adoption or fostering in the future, but that wouldn't be until DD was much older.

I do sometimes feel sad that I won't feel a baby moving inside me or have the feeling of holding my newborn baby in my arms, but those thoughts are few and far between and I really do love it just being the three of us!

bearmama - one is lonely, two is boring, 3 is a 'handful' or an 'accident', 4 or more is bad for the environment. Take your pick!

Some people always manage to say the wrong thing. I have seen all sorts of size of family work brilliantly.

Congratulations on your pregnancy & enjoy your child.

Yes enjoy it and ignore other people - if you have more than two you constantly get asked, you are not having anymore are you ? So I think 'people' would like us all to have two each !

Don't listen to anyone else, do what makes you happy. People will always comment on your children, how many of them are there (or few), how you feed them, how you discipline them etc, the list is endless. The minute you become pregnant there is always silly people that think their opinion on things is right and feel compelled to share it with you.
It's very annoying and so are they.
We wanted just the one for years, constantly being asked when the next one was coming along, and then when saying we are stopping at one, having to explain why as they were so puzzled. (Always brushed aside our reasons too). Changed our minds however and now all I ever hear is "oooh, what a big age gap!" (8 and a half years) or "I think smaller age gaps are better as they play together" etc, etc. AAAAAGGHHH!!!

"Oh you have to have more than one!"

Response: "No I don't."

Delivered in such a way as not to invite argument.

"They'll be lonely/unable to share/spoilt."

Response, provided they don't know better: "I'm an only child ..."

If you are feeling particularly evil, look bereft and tell them you can't have another one (erm, this will only work once you actually have your baby). It's not even that evil really, it might make them think twice before saying such things in future and may help them avoid seriously upsetting someone with fertility problems, etc.

PS en francais - enfant unique, much better than only child

LOL scary, Well my bf waited nine years between her DD and DS and I figure that's no-one's business but hers.
Good point Duchess. And sophierosie you have totally reinforced my reasons for only having one!
I think my feelings are just a reaction to how many people think its ok to impose their opinions on you. I knew it happened but I didnt expect to be affected by it. Can understand now why people get so prickly where their DC's are concerned!

enfant unique - love it!
DontCallMebaby - simple but true. I'm not an only child as it happens but I wouldn't think twice about telling them I was

I'm not an only child either BearMama, I am also not remotely well-adjusted, which is the other side of the 'argument'. Siblings are not a magic bullet for happiness.

Aargh! I'm one of nine kids , we had a blast! But I have one little girl and I'm enjoying spoiling her. Ain't nobody's bizness but your own. Ask nosy parkers "so how many d'you have? Eh, only seven? I know someone who had nine!Or Just three! One of each?

I'm an only child and it was probably fairly good for me. So what if I was lonely sometimes? Like every other experience in life, you gain something from it. I learned to make friends really easily because I didn't want to be lonely. It meant that I learned those social skills more quickly than my friends.

Having one child doesn't make your offspring spoilt - spoiling them does! It makes me really angry when people say "I bet you were spoilt." How dare they?? For goodness sake, how insulting is that? "I bet you're rude, can't share and introverted - is that what they mean?" This happened to plenty of people I know who weren't only children. Load of fuss about nothing.

I'm bloody perfect I am and if you have another child, you do it at risk of both children's development. (Okay, that's a joke, but you get the idea!)