Please help cheer me up

[lucylooareyou]

I want to start off saying I honestly do feel very lucky and fortune to be pregnant, having some previous miscarriages i honestly find it a blessing to reach this point, and I don't want to appear ungrateful to those who are going through their own struggles.

I am currently 31 + 3 and cannot believe how uncomfortable I am already. It's making me so anxious at the thought of potentially getting worse and worse for the next 2 months+!

I am exhausted all the time. If it isn't needing to pee int he middle of the night, then the heart burn, or aching hips, or lower/upper back pain wakes me up and doesnt allow me to get comfortable again.
I have always been fairly slim, and now suddenly have (what feels) a giant belly in the way of everything i try and do. My back is struggling with the extra weight, and now can't make it up the stairs without having to have a 5 minute break to catch my breath.

It's really getting me down, along with the fear of the pending labour that i have no idea what to expect. My midwives have been pretty useless, haven't seen the same one twice and all seem to want me in and out within 10 minutes because I'm 'young and healthy'. It feels really unvalidating.

Please, please tell me it get's better, or if you have any golden tips on how i can survive these next few weeks before my beautiful DD arrives?!

Thank you for listening to my rant x

Hi

Congratulations on your pregnancy and reaching this far. I can sympathise with the losses and having your beautiful rainbow.

Unfortunately it doesn't get better straight away. I remember I longed to sleep on my stomach lol

I'd advise to get a pregnancy pillow which definitely helps with sleep. I was just as uncomfortable as you sound.
Get a belly support belt too
Don't worry too much about the weight, I promise it does come off very quickly (especially if you are breastfeeding!)

Try and get rest during the day if possible. That's what I used to do because the night sleep was just broken up with peeing, aches etc.

Bath helps with aches at the end of the day too.

I promise its worth it but by god its difficult so I'm here to listen x

Best wishes for you and your baby xx

Oh also forgot to mention, do all the online classes on the birthing, feeding first aid! They made me so empowered with knowledge and I knew when to speak up for myself etc

I think the baby academy do quite a few free ones.

I'm 34 weeks with a rainbow baby and I completely get you! My pregnancy has been really really difficult (suffered from hyperemesis from 5 weeks) and I can honestly say I haven't fell 'well' physically or mentally the whole time, my hips are the same as yours, my pelvis feels like its an old mans and don't get me started on swollen feet - absolute trotters!!!

I got prescribed Omeprazole from the GP for heartburn and it does the job really well, pregnancy pillow for sleep is good although my hips still really ache from side sleeping but it does help and baths are nice too to take the weight off.

I just keep telling myself it's not forever and it will all be worth it - counting down the days until I can sleep on my back again! But yes pregnancy isn't an enjoyable experience for everyone and the way you are feeling is totally valid - I'm sick of my friends asking me when I'm going to start 'embracing' the pregnancy, I know how lucky I am to be pregnant and it's amazing I'm having a baby but the journey has been so so difficult, I cant wait to feel a bit more like myself again x

Putting a pillow between your legs while sleeping on your side did wonders for me with hip and joint pain at night, first time round.

Though now 22 weeks with second needing to pee about every hour means my sleep sucks anyway.

Have you tried a warm bath before bed?

Honestly this will all pass, I am finding it easier to be philosophical with second because things like the breathlessness etc feel like they're eating your whole life at the time. but in retrospect it is such a short period. That sounds like "suck it up" but I'm not saying that at all - I'm saying just remember this isn't the new you, this is just a temporary state of affairs. Your post baby body may be a bit different from before but it won't be like this!

Just take the breaks on the stairs and when walking - don't be reluctant to go easy on yourself. I had ICP in first pregnancy (horrific skin itching) and incredibly swollen feet that were horribly painful to walk on. But because I thought everyone got them I just made myself walk the same amount I normally would till I was practically in tears. Midwife saw them towards the end and told me they were really bad, not normal at all! I guess my point is, accept you may have to coddle yourself sometimes and that may be annoying but it is not a failing.

And you don't sound ungrateful at all. We shouldn't have to pretend that the joys of motherhood include pain and sleeplessness...accept them as part of the package, yes, but not liking them doesn't make you ungrateful! I love being a mum but pregnancy mostly sucks for me, except the scans and kicks and nice bits obv. I know people who absolutely love it but that is not true for a lot of people and it's okay to really not like bits of it.

Re labour - is there any NCT in your area? We got a subsidised place due to low income if that is an issue. Alternatively, online classes as others have suggested or a session with a doula perhaps?

Oh and as soon as you're off work and can....read/watch TV till your eyeballs fall out, for distraction purposes, and just sleep whenever you can manage it lol.

Thank you all for your kind words! It's so ncie to not feel alone, and eases my guilt of feeling so fed up when it's almost expected that I feel wonderful all the time!
My partner is amazing luckily, but it's obviously impossible for him to know how it feels as he will never experience it so moaning to him isn't quite the same!

I don't help myself really, I really try and remain a glass half full kind of person and will keep powering on until I keel over but maybe you are right @Hallamus and I need to start slowing down and not trying to power on through!

I do already have a pregnancy pillow but still seem to be waking up with achy hips/back - i might try adding in extra pillows in certain places to see if i can ease my position!

Bath right before bed is also something i hadn't thought of so will give that a try tonight!

Thank you all again, I struggle to want to moan in real life so an anonymous moan has really helped - especially hearing your stories makes me feel not alone! x

I wrote something similar last year at around 32 weeks as well.
You have my sympathy... it was also my rainbow baby so like you I was very grateful yet couldnt wait to give birth to end all the discomfort.
Unfortunately it doesnt get better the closer you get to your due date but I will say this, you will be more and more excited and ready and it will help accept these not so glamourous sides of pregnancy.
I second doing online birthing classes or hypnobirthing or reading about feeding babies birth in general... will keep you busy.
And just finding an activity (for me was painting) also helped! Packing the hospital bag, washing everything, learning how to use all the stuff...
So the trick is to keep yourself busy, yet trying to get some rest too! 😴

These next weeks will feel long but once you give birth it will all be forgotten (and you might even be sad about it!!!!)

I am now 29weeks pregnant with #2 and pregnancy is so much easier despite running around my 15 months old 😁 but I do remember feeling like you last year...

Thank you, i had a bit of a meltdown at my DP the other day about not feeling at all prepared (which may also be feeding into my anxieties!) so we are going out this weekend and doing a big shopping spree for my hospital bag items, and some lovely new baby items so hopefully i can focus on that!

A friend has very kindly lent me her log in to a hypnobirthing course and i did start that yesterday to will keep going with it, i have also today found the articles on MN so i will start having a flick through those!

Your words of encouragement are so appreciated, bless you all x

Go for a really good massage, it will help your back and hips so much.

For the heartburn ask your GP to prescribe Omeprazole - I suffered so much with heartburn in my pregnancy it kept me awake all hours and I ended up drinking pints of milk and guzzling Gaviscon. Then at 30 weeks the Dr prescribed me these tablets and honestly, I didn't have any heartburn at all for the last couple of months, it was bliss!

If you haven't already try get a pregnancy pillow to help with sleeping, I bought a fancy BellaMoon one for like £90 and actually IKEA do a similar one for £12 which I found much more comfortable. My hips used to ache so much from sleeping on my side and this really helped if I put in between my legs and rested by bump on it.

Please reach out and talk to your community midwife, even if you haven't seen the same one each time (which is usually the case nowadays) they will help, it's probably that they have a large caseload with complex cases and wrongly assume you don't need the support, so please speak to them.

Please don't fear labour - I read SO many horror stories on here before I gave birth (6 weeks ago) that it made the last couple of months of my pregnancy very anxious, constantly googling what could go wrong etc. I actually had a relatively straightforward labour that I can actually say I enjoyed...I felt in safe hands and afterwards I felt like the build up in my head was worse than the actual experience, when you're in it, you just get on with it and all the fears you had, you realise in reality are completely manageable whether that be by pain relief, support from your midwife of birth partner or coping techniques. Of course some people have negative birth experiences but there's also a lot of positive ones just people talk about them less...try remain positive and not over think and worry too much.