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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Gender disappointment

44 replies

Rtikg · 15/07/2022 19:35

Having a boy, always wanted a girl. I probably won’t have another so I’m having to adjust to this. I thought I would be ok with whichever but I’m not at all. I don’t feel connected to the baby and split with DP months ago and now thinking I will have a mini him!!

I know I should be grateful and happy. I can’t confide in fiends, too embarrassed.

OP posts:

vroom321 · 15/07/2022 21:32

I was upset I was having a girl. Assumed I'd have a boy. Nothing you can do.

kenadams86 · 15/07/2022 21:40

I have 2 DD and 1DS. They are all gorgeous little humans in their own way.

My son is an absolute ball of energy and brings so much joy. He is very similar to my oldest daughter.

Whether they are boys or girls isn't important. It's their character and personality that you will fall in love with. Try not to get too upset, he will be the love of your life very soon x

scoutcat · 15/07/2022 22:06

Boys are such a joy. I have a 4 year old boy and he is so sweet, cuddly and even protective over me for some reason! I absolutely adore him and genuinely couldn't imagine him having been a girl. We didn't find out the sex before birth and I really regret having hoped he was a girl. He is everything I've ever dreamed of. As soon as he arrives you will understand why he came to you. Trust me.

Merryclaire · 15/07/2022 22:29

It’s definitely more common to have gender disappointment about having a boy in this country - though many cultures are completely the opposite so don’t feel too bad for the opposite sex!

I recall reading it’s to do with either emulating or ‘fixing’ your relationship with your own mother, and feeling like you can relate to them more.

I definitely had a preference for a girl - even though I told other people I didn’t mind either way. There’s no good logic to it - it’s just a long-held dream. I imagine passing on my old toys and having the sort of best friend relationship I don’t have with my own mum.

I am actually having a girl, but of course I know my perception is a fantasy and each child has their own unique personality. One of my nieces is a complete tomboy who doesn’t like anything girly. And my baby male cousin has always been a bit more feminine and liked all the same things as my auntie.

Everyone I know with boys adores them though, and wouldn’t change them for the world. So don’t worry, OP, and don’t feel bad. It’s normal to feel like this, and you will love your little boy so much when he’s here. Soon enough you won’t remember how you ever felt this way.

Lancscake · 15/07/2022 22:35

I didn't want a girl because I didn't want a 'mini me'. Could only think about my faults, weaknesses and what a pain I was during teen years. I had some counselling during pregnancy which helped me understand this and realise 1. I'm not that terrible! 2. Children are not clones of their parents. Many of my vulnerabilities come from the way I was parented. I have the power to change that for my child thus avoiding a lot of the things I don't like about myself (anxiousness, rigidness etc)

I didn't know what I was having but ended up with a boy. A very poorly little boy who almost didn't make it. I realised immediately that nothing but his survival mattered and I know 100 percent that if he'd been a girl I wouldn't have cared. Once he was born the live was overwhelming and all I cared about was him being okay.

Twinkle1989 · 15/07/2022 22:36

I had similar gender disappointment. I actually cried during my gender scan.
I always thought I'd have a girl, and hadn't actually thought I may have a boy.
Once I'd got my head around it, and bought blue things, I started to just be excited about my baby.
I was still disappointed all up until he was born.
I've then spent 2 years feeling incredibly guilty that I was ever disappointed about him. He is my life, and the bond we have is incredible.
I now feel like I will spend the rest of my life feeling guilty, and trying to make it up to him.

Please don't let this ruin your pregnancy!

Jaaxe · 16/07/2022 07:25

i have both boys and girls and honestly don’t have a preference…they are equally as amazing as one another. My girls are fiercely independent and full of character and my boy is the most loving of them all, he has the kindest little heart and is such a mummy’s boy. I think mums envisage mini mes of themselves sometimes but out of my 3 it’s my boy who’s my little shadow and wants to cuddle up and spend all his time with me. They are all perfect with their own little personalities boys or girls. You are blessed OP when you have him in your arms you will feel the rush of love xx

MajorCarolDanvers · 16/07/2022 07:34

It's quite a common and normal thing but because people don't talk about it because they are embarrassed you don't realise that.

It will pass. You will adjust and you will love your baby.

You can't help how you feel. Just give it a bit of time and you will get past this.

Eek3under3 · 16/07/2022 07:41

I feel the same. I’m now 36 weeks and my sadness is still there. I’m sorry you are feeling this way too. Is there anyone you can talk to about it?

cantcomplainabouttheweather · 16/07/2022 13:57

*These threads are always about boys. I don't get it.

It’s the logical extension of some of the appalling attitudes to men shown on the site in general. It’s very sad*.

Yes and Yes

It's very sad to think that any child starts out as a disappointment. Having a healthy child is a gift many would die for

Remaker · 16/07/2022 14:09

I have one of each so I’m not going to tell you that boys are better. They’re not, just different. And of course they don’t always comply with gender stereotyping either.

SpaghettiNotCourgetti · 16/07/2022 14:22

HailAdrian · 15/07/2022 21:19

Quelle surprise! It's about a little boy, as always. Why get pregnant if you don't want a boy, you know it's kind of a 50/50 situation...

I don't get it either. I find the idea of being disappointed by your child before they're even born unbelievably depressing.

KylieCharlene · 16/07/2022 14:23

I always wanted a little girl and when I found out I was having a boy I did feel a little sad HOWEVER when my DS was born I fell so in love with him that when I got pregnant again 12 months later I was desperate for another little boy- I had a girl😂
Love them both equally.

Squiff70 · 16/07/2022 14:37

OP, whilst I don't share your thoughts, I do understand them. I have a 2 year old daughter and am 8 months pregnant with a little boy. My history is complex but basically I've previously lost two sons and a daughter (late miscarriage and neonatal death). When we decided to try for one more baby in the hopes of giving our daughter a sibling, I really, really didn't mind whether it was another girl or boy. By 9 weeks I was so convinced this baby was a boy there was no disuading me whatsoever. I know I will adore him and want to raise him to be a good man who cares for and respects girls and women.

Losing babies makes you see things differently, but I am overjoyed to be having another son and all I want is for him to he healthy and happy. I am not the slightest bit interested in stereotypical 'boys toys' or games or ways of life etc and struggle to relate to boys and men because I am not one, and never have been. That doesn't mean I can't learn though!

I promise you when you hold your baby and gaze into his eyes as he muzzles into you to fall asleep, you will fall in love with them. It may or may not happen immediately, but it will come.

You'll raise him to be a good person. Teach him to be kind, patient, respectful, honest and tolerant. Having a boy doesn't mean he will be anything like his biological father, especially if the father doesn't have much or any influence over his life.

There is so much more to a child's personality than what is between their legs.

MayISuggestSomeThickCutSteakChipsToGoWithThat · 16/07/2022 14:39

Imagine knowing you were a disappointment before you were even born, just because you had the wrong genitalia between your legs. What's between the legs does not define the child. A girl could quite easily be the mini me of your ExP.

wonderstuff · 16/07/2022 14:53

I didn’t feel connection to my babies until they were born, I had awful sickness and felt very down, I don’t do well with hormones it seems. The moment they were born I felt different, no initial rush of love but I immediately felt very protective and fell head over heels with love for them as the weeks, months and first few years passed.

Neither of my children are like me or their father really, they’re their own people and absolutely gorgeous. I think girls and boys come with different worries and stresses. But it isn’t just sex that creates challenges, my son has dyslexia and adhd, which makes school stressful. My daughter was born with physical deformities which have required a few surgeries and that’s obviously stressful too. Luckily you love them so much you happily do whatever you need to to make their lives as happy and comfortable as you can.

Apollonia1 · 16/07/2022 14:54

I always wanted a girl too. I've a great relationship with my mum and sisters, and wanted to emulate that. Im not particularly girly and work in STEM, so it was nothing to do with being girly/dressing them - more how our adult relationship would be.

I had boy/girl twins and love them equally!

(To be fair, I've a great relationship with my brothers too, but we don't do things like go away on "girls weekends" like I do with my mum/sisters).

StEthelburgaRose · 16/07/2022 15:01

GCHeretic · 15/07/2022 19:58

It’s the logical extension of some of the appalling attitudes to men shown on the site in general. It’s very sad.

Show quote history

But previous threads on this topic result in people telling the op not to worry as girls are bitchy drama queen's and boys are straightforward and love their mums, which shows appalling attitudes to girls

Wouldloveanother · 16/07/2022 15:02

DangerNoodles · 15/07/2022 19:50

These threads are always about boys. I don't get it.

I think if there was a Dadsnet there would be similar posts about girls.

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