IVF pregnancy with no HB at 7 weeks.

[Iliada]

As the title says, this is an IVF pregnancy, trying for DC1, with an euploid embryo. Under normal circumstances I thought that it would count as 6.4 weeks but with IVF apparently they add another 3 days to the count.

The scan today showed the embryo measuring 0.66, with the sac at about 1.7cm. It was a bit blurry and difficult to get a good view with the TV ultrasound, but in the end the doctor was sure that there was no HB.

It looks absolutely identical to the MMC that I had a couple of years ago at 9
weeks (but only measuring 6.5 weeks) just as the world was locking down with COVID, which in the circumstances completely traumatised me.

I can’t believe that after all I have been through this has happened exactly the same way again. I fought low level PTSD from the last MMC until this spring before I could beat to try again. I still get flashbacks, to the point where today I feel like I am stuck in one. They are going to confirm the MMC on Monday at 7.4 weeks, as today it is still under 0.7mm.

I don’t think I am looking for hope here, I don’t think there is any, just maybe some understanding.

Hey @iliada I had a similar experience in May. I'm so sorry this is happening again. Sending you lots and lots of love x x x

Hi @Iliada I'm in the same boat. Went for a scan today following an ivf pregnancy. Am 6w5d and only measuring 5w6d and no heartbeat. I have no spotting but have been in this situation before. Am here for a handhold if you like ... I'm not holding much hope... in fact I feel I know how this will end. xxx

@beckyCarlos @birdbybird Thanks
for being here. I’m sorry you had/are having the same experience, but I really appreciate the handhold. I know this is not so unusual, despite having done everything possible this time to prevent it. Everything I did was just to avoid having the same thing happen and it didn’t make any difference.

I feel like I am looking at the huge fear I have been holding on to since 2020 from the outside. I thought the worst thing would be to experience that feeling again, but now I feel like I’ve almost stepped outside of it. The worst thing, my biggest fear, has already happened this morning. In a way I feel like I’m free of that crushing fear now that I am living it. But it still really hurts.

Also, it’s 42 degrees Celsius outside and I’m still feeling quite a lot of nausea, so that doesn’t help. I’m going to get them to prescribe something for the sickness on Monday when they confirm the MMC, as I didn’t mind before (it felt like a good sign) but now I don’t want to feel it anymore.

I'm so sorry Iliada, it's so hard after getting past so many hurdles. I keep my fingers crossed for a miracle for you but I know it doesn't look good. Wishing you much strength.

Its so hard isn't it, we do everything 'right' or everything we can, and it can still go wrong. Its an awful feeling and an awful situation and I'm so sorry you're here again. You sound like you're doing what you need to do to get through, I hope you're 'ok' and you have good people around you.
I never knew what to say when people asked if I was ok ('no, but yes, but not at all' isn't a good answer for someone who hasn't been there), or if I needed anything ('no, but yes, to not be in this situation in the first place because it's not bloody fair' again is a complicated answer!). Always here if you need somewhere to rid yourself of those complicated emotions! X x x

I'm so sorry. It's really horrible, IVF is tough enough as it is but when you get the positive test result you think the hard bit is done then it all gets snatched away, so cruel.

@beckyCarlos Thanks for expressing exactly how I feel. Yes, that’s always the thing with grief, you just want to rush through it and have it ‘done’ but you can’t because you have to sit with it until it eases a little. You wish you could just go back to how you felt before, but you know you never can. It’s so complicated and you can’t even do the normal things to deal with it, as you would when a living person dies.

I think one thing I have realised today is that this time I was still able to feel incredibly happy about being pregnant, even though my last experience had been so bad. All I have wanted for the last two and a half years was to get back to where I was before they told me that there was no HB. And for a few weeks this time, I could almost get back there, because the probability of it reoccurring exactly the same way was so tiny.

My mother used to tell me that her happiest moment was being told she was pregnant. I don’t know if that was true. She had a lot of miscarriages after me, so the moment probably got less and less happy. But next time, if I am that lucky, I won’t even get that little moment of happiness. It makes me sad that I won’t get to feel joy about finding out that I am pregnant again, if I’m lucky I’ll try to work up to where I’ll be able to feel acceptance of fate rather than dread, but not happiness. I hate that something so special, that moment that I wanted to some day tell my kid was the happiest one, has already been destroyed.

@Cakecakecheese You are so right, it feels like such a pivotal moment being told you have embryos to use. But now back to square one. More injections (I’ve been on progesterone injections every day for weeks during this pregnancy, so I guess at least next time I won’t really care about only two weeks of injections anymore). More trying to deal with complex medical issues around work. More surgery. More pain. I hate this. And yet, knowing I have to keep trying or I would feel even worse. Sigh.

@Iiada you've put that really well. Sometimes it can feel like when you get to a new stage you're like 'yes, now I may feel the joy' and then the rug gets pulled put from under you. Most days I'm fine (now) but I do have the odd wobble, but as you say I refuse to accept the alternative, so I cry it out (then inevitably get annoyed with myself lol), and try and do something that'll make me a bit happier (hugging my dog, listning to birds, sitting in the sun (v aware I sound like a bit of a moose! I also watch Below Deck and eat chocolate)) and keep telling myself that it will happen.

Sending all the virtual hugs x x x

Just wanted to update the thread for anyone searching for this topic that I had the miscarriage confirmed this morning at 7.4 weeks.

Still no HB and only measuring 0.8cm.

As this is now recurrent MMC after two, the clinic are going to look into blood clotting and immune issues and do a biopsy to find out why this is going wrong in exactly the same way. Expensive but anything would be worth it not to have to live through this again.

All going well, back to IVF cycling in the autumn. I might decide to do two cycles in a row to up my chances of having a child.

It feels devastating to be here again, but that’s normal.

@Iliada I'm so sorry. I hope the process goes ok from here, sending you lots of love x x x

@Iliada I'm sorry. I have another 5 days till my scan when I expect to be given the same news as you. I'm really dreading this next ultrasound. Please keep in touch, I'm still deciding whether to do two back to back rounds.
How old are you? I'm 41 so privately funding.