Name changed for this as I feel awful.
I'm 10 weeks pregnant with second child, first child is only 8 Months. We had quite a journey conceiving him (4 losses before him). During that pregnancy, it consumed my every thought! Anxiety and excitement though. I had the most magical straight forward pregnancy and birth though, which I'm very grateful for.
Now here we are again, not planned of course but not exactly prevented either (we rarely do the deed these days anyway!) We did seriously consider termination, but eventually decided we couldn't go through with it. I've had 2 scans already because of my history, everything is perfect. But I'm still not excited :(. To be honest, I often forget I'm even pregnant and can go a day or 2 without even thinking about it. Each time I've gone to the scan, I've thought to myself that I wouldn't be sad if it turned out I was miscarrying again. How awful is that?! Even part of me deep down was hoping I would miscarry naturally? I feel evil even typing this but it's how I've felt.
Anyone else been in this situation? Im hoping it's just because im so early still and I will feel excited once I start to feel movements etc. Or maybe it's because my mind is so occupied already with my 8mo who is my world? Either way, I feel so guilty for this unborn child that I don't feel the same connection as I did with my son when I was pregnant with him.
Sorry for the long post, needed to vent my feelings