Positive stories after recurrent miscarriage? Trying for number 2

[Skylark1990]

Hi all. I had my third miscarriage in a row last week at 6.5, day after we saw the heartbeat. The previous two were at 4.5 weeks and I have no idea if all caused by the same thing. We have been TTC since Dec last year so not that long but feels a life time. We have one DD already, nearly 2. We conceived her straight away.

I feel like I oscillate between extreme sadness and feeling numb. I have been referred for tests at the RM clinic but this could take a few months. It's been a really shitty time and not sure when we will TTC again, I want to quickly in some ways but also scared it'll happen again and my husband said he might need more time. I have also been given and told to take progesterone from a BFP (or ovulation if tracking) next time. I can't take aspirin without a good reason as I've had stomach issues recently - so I guess should wait for the blood clotting tests.

I am just petrified that next time l get pregnant it won't stick again due to something I'm doing/ didn't do, or we have something wrong with us which will mean we can't have another baby. I'm still breastfeeding DD and there is just not enough evidence about whether this can cause miscarriage, which makes it really hard to know whether to stop.

How do you get through this time? What can I do to heal? How do I deal with this sadness and uncertainty? How do I make decisions? I just feel so immobilised 😞💔

I'm sorry if this is the wrong board to post on.

[Babyghirl]

@Skylark1990
Can't comment on ttc num 2, but I had 4 miscarriages ttc number 1 now 15 weeks pregnant and its the furtherest I have ever got.

[Jbat2022]

Hi Skylark1990

I’m so sorry you are going through this! It truly is the most awful and lonely time 🙁
I had 2 miscarriages In a row. First MC was a missed miscarriage picked up at 12 week scan and second MC was at 8 weeks - the day after seeing a healthy heartbeat on a private reassurance scan. Like you, I went between utter sadness, and apathy.
DH was as supportive as he could be but was also going through his own grief. I completely closed myself off from friends and family and almost felt ashamed by the situation, as though I had done something wrong. In hindsight this was probably the worst thing I could have done! And I know it wasn’t my fault. Anyway, I eventually did open up to a few close friends and to my surprise they had actually gone through similar experiences! I found it really helped me to confide in someone other than my DH.

After my second miscarriage it took 10 (Very stressful) months to conceive again. My friend recommended acupuncture for fertility (which I was VERY sceptical about) I had a few sessions and I was told to stop eating gluten - I caught that very month.

I was also prescribed progesterone by my GP to take from BFP.

Fast forward to today and I am currently 40+2 with first DS and about to give birth any day now :) it’s definitely not been an easy pregnancy and I’ve had to take it a day at a time but I’m very grateful.

Now I can’t say for sure what/if any of the above worked. But I felt like I had nothing to lose and at least I was doing SOMETHING positive to help the situation. Which I suppose,in turn, relaxed me.

You don’t have to make any decisions immediately. Give yourself time to grieve, talk to people if you can, listen to your doctors and don’t put unnecessary pressure on yourself. And even IF there was something wrong there is so much they can do to help you. So please don’t give up hope

Wishing you all the best OP :)

[orangehour]

I’m so sorry for what you’re going through. I’ve been through a very similar thing and I do have a positive story to share.

I also conceived my DD very quickly and had an easy pregnancy. When she was 1 we started TTC number 2 and conceived very fast again, but at the 6.5 week scan found the heart rate was very slow. The pregnancy ended at 8 weeks. We waited one cycle as advised by the OB at the hospital and conceived straightaway again - that ended in spontaneous miscarriage at 8 weeks.

I went to see a specialist who said not to worry and put me on progesterone following ovulation. Almost a year followed of many chemical pregnancies and in between some messed up cycles. We finally went for IVF in October 2021 and it was a complete disaster - 5 eggs, 4 mature, 1 fertilised which didn’t develop properly.

i then conceived naturally the very next month with my current pregnancy and I’m almost 33 weeks. Pregnancy is a raw lottery.

The 12-18 months we suffered miscarriages and tried to conceive were some of the hardest of my life and in many ways I am still rebuilding myself, having let so many things slide because I was so sad - interests, relationships. Looking back, I wish I had started therapy to manage my grief and then to help with the first trimester. I became secretive because my family didn’t understand why I needed to conceive again so badly.

Probably none of this is helpful but I’m here to talk if you need x

[Skylark1990]

Thank you all so much.
@Jbat2022 that all sounds so stressful, I'm really sorry for your losses 😥💐 and really glad you are now about to meet your little baby any day! Best of luck for the birth and beyond 💗

That's really good advice to open up to friends, I can really see how easy it would be to become shut off and that would just make it worse. I have actually been doing some acupuncture and reflexology and believe it helped me conceive the last pregnancy, which just ended, it definitely relaxed me. There is an even more specialist fertility acupuncture clinic near me so I think I'll try her next and just put some energy into that, as it can't hurt (although it's a bit costly). Did you also take baby aspirin? Did you have any tests done?

@orangehour thank you for sharing, that all sounds so hard. I'm so sorry for your losses. That does sound so so difficult. It's a horrible unfair lottery at times that's for sure. Congratulations on being pregnant again now, I wish you all the best for the rest of pregnancy and the birth! Did the specialist you saw do some tests and not find anything in particular wrong? Was it through the NHS or privately? Did you take the progesterone with this current pregnancy?

I'm still feeling really sad and fatigued by it all, but my OH is actually struggling a lot as well so I almost feel I need to pull myself together for him which feels weird but there we go. We also have a close family member staying ATM and in some ways it helps as they can watch DD etc but they also add more stress and tbh I think in some ways I'd rather just be alone with DH, I think it would be easier to grieve and process. Sign. They're here for another few weeks.

I feel like even though I'm the one who physically miscarried I still have so many expectations on me, especially from the family member staying. Although they are understanding too.

Anyway OH actually said today he doesn't want to think about trying again for 3 months at least. He seems completely fatigued by it all, feels he's lost the last 6 months of his life to heartache and stress. I'm sad to wait before TTC again but I suppose in some ways it would be good just to forget about it and get our lives back on track, as he says. Enjoy things again, spend time together without the baby expectation. I don't know. It's so hard 😞 also means I can make it to 2 years with DD before weaning her off boob, as I wanted to I guess.

Did you find your OHs struggled? Did anything help particularly? @Jbat2022 @orangehour xx

[orangehour]

Hi Skylark - hope you’re doing okay. In answer to your question, my doctor started off very ‘you’ll get there eventually because you already have a child’, but I did have all the tests after a series of chemicals. I paid for these privately here in Australia and it cost around $1100 - nothing was found except my AMH starting to decline at 2.8. I didn’t take progesterone with this pregnancy as it was the last thing I expected. I cried my whole way through the first trimester convinced I would miscarry again.

I really understand your feeling that you need to support your DH and be strong for him. I felt so ashamed or guilty or something for a long time and wanted to protect my partner from all the difficult feelings. At some point I asked him to start trying to come to terms with the idea that we might not have another baby, but he wasn’t ready to hear that. Looking back, we both needed to talk to a professional. The feelings of grief didn’t just disappear for me with this pregnancy - I still feel them very much. I probably still need to talk to someone to be honest.

One thing I did before this pregnancy was the whole gamut of supplements - DHEA, acai, NAD, maca, multivitamin, myoinositol, everything. Maybe that’s something you could do over the next few months if you take a break from TTC, if you’re not already? Just to feel a little bit of control. Not everyone believes in it but there are specialists who think egg rejuvenation is a real possibility.

Thinking of you and your family x

[Ramsayst]

I really feel your pain, as I have been through 5 miscarriages between 4.5 - 10 weeks. I’d completely given up hope and got really depressed. Even though I’m over 40, tests couldn’t find any reason why this kept happening. I saw a specialist who put me on progesterone to take when I next found out I was pregnant, and….now I’m 15 weeks pregnant. I’m slightly less nervous than I was for the first 12 weeks now, but I just wanted to show you there is hope, I know it wears you down mentally, but do keep trying (and keep on at your doctor/specialist to give you advice/progesterone/aspirin- I had to fight to get a prescription because time is not on my side) x

[Skylark1990]

Thank you so much for coming back to me @orangehour and sorry for the delay in replying. I am actually taking a few of those things already and I'll look into the other supplements too. Like you say it's good to feel we are doing something. I'm doing ok, just taking one day at a time but I am feeling better and I am hopeful it'll happen again for us, hopefully soonish ❤️ we are taking a break from officially TTC for now but who knows it may happen anyway, and I've been referred for some tests via the Tommy's miscarriage clinic and the waitlist doesn't seem too bad, so hopefully that's a step in the right direction x hope you are doing well!!

@Ramsayst thank you so much, it helps a lot to hear of other people going through recurrent loss but then having a successful pregnancy, as sorry as I am that you've also been through such a tough time. I've actually got a load of progesterone because they gave me some during my last pregnancy when I started bleeding so I can take it from a BFP next time. Hopefully it helps a bit! I've got 10 weeks worth 😂 so that's good. Did you take from bfp or from after ovulation in the tww? Congratulations on your pregnancy and hope everything is still going well xx

[everysunrise]

I'm so sorry, I know too well how you are feeling.
Last year I had 2 early miscarriages, one after 4 months of TTC and the other another 3 months later, for our first baby.
It really took a toll on my mental health after wanting it so badly for so long. I decided after the second MC that we would take a couple of months break because I found it really difficult to go through the whole process again - let's be honest you basically live your month on a timeline of trying, waiting and testing, and eliminating it for a couple of months meant I didn't get my hopes up to be let down. On the other hand it was equally the last thing I wanted to do as I wanted it so bad - but being relaxed and in a good place mentally is so important.

Tried again for a couple of months and got a positive in November 21 - we didn't get our hopes up, it was more like 'okay, let's see' and took every single day one step at a time. Carried on doing other things in my life, keeping busy, trying to keep focussed.

I am now 37 and a half weeks pregnant with our beautiful son and I cannot wait to meet him. Now all the pain from the last year seems so distant. It's so hard to see it at the time but hold on, and have faith that your time will come. I would say keep looking after yourself - mentally and physically. See friends, go to yoga classes, go to your favourite restaurants, go swimming, anything you enjoy. When you have another focus then everything seems to fall into place much smoother.

Sending you lots of love x

[Ramsayst]

@Skylark1990 I took the progesterone from the day I found out I was pregnant. That’s good that you have 10 weeks’ worth, that’s plenty!
I’ve told a handful of family and friends that I’m expecting. There have been a couple of (in the nicest possible way) completely gobsmacked faces. I think some people assume if you’ve been married/together for about 4 years and don’t have a baby, you must just not want one…little do these people know the stress we go through month after month trying to make it happen! X