19 weeks and worried

[Yalmeister]

Hello all, I just need to get a few silly things off my chest.
Today, I am 19+2 and this is our 4th attempt at conception, with 3 previous losses and no child so far.

Everything has been okay so far more or less, but I am worried about two things - movement and my weight.

I'm a little on the larger side, being only 4 ft11 and 11 stone 4 at conception. Over the 19 weeks I dropped down to 10 stone 10 in first trimester and last week I finally got back to 11 stone 4. This morning, I've lost 1 pound again. I check my weight every week at the same time wearing the same thing so that I can monitor weight, only because I was worried I would gain too much too fast, yet I've not gained anything and it worries me.

Movement wise, I have been feeling our little girl on and off for a few weeks but it is never consistent. The NHS info my midwife gave me says that once you feel baby move, you will feel them move up until their birth, but I can go days without feeling anything and I'm worried that I'm doing something wrong.

I've tried to talk to my midwife about this but she is no nonsense and has no time for me it seems, just in and out as fast as possible.

I'm not really looking for any medical advise but maybe just some reassurance that I'm probably worrying over nothing. I'm trying not to worry my husband because we've both been nervous wrecks about this pregnancy after TTC for years. Thank you for letting me get this off my chest.

Congratulations, I want to reassure you the risk of something going wrong at this point in pregnancy is astonishingly low.
With my second I was a healthy weight at the start of my pregnancy and didn’t put on a pound until 24 weeks, mainly because I was so sick. Midwife was not in the slightest bit concerned. I know if you are overweight especially significantly overweight not putting weight on in the first half or even the whole of pregnancy this is fine and a good thing. As long as you’re eating well and healthily it’s nothing to be concerned about.
Re movement if you’re on the bigger side you’re less likely to feel baby, and remember your baby is still small lots of women don’t feel baby at all until 24 weeks. There will be lots of times baby is moving and not bumping into you because they’re suspended in the amniotic fluid or you’re busy and not noticing as it’s still small movements.

Firstly, I'm so sorry for your losses. Any pregnancy can be anxious, but in your position it must be incredibly hard. Make sure you are caring for your mental health as well as looking out for your physical health. Anxiety can run amock very easily in this scenario and its ok to say you need extra help and support.

In terms of your weight, I lost weight in the first three months in both my pregnancies, just because I couldn't face eating for the most part. I didn't really gain until midway through the 2nd trimester when I could really face food again. Both pregnancies turned into healthy kids.

Moments wise, I didn't feel ds move until about 22 weeks, and then it was hit and miss until about 28 weeks, sometimes I wasn't sure if it was him moving or my stomach rumbling or gas etc. With my 2nd I knew what movements to look out for and noticed them earlier. But still was hit and miss til about 28 weeks. If you are at all worried though, follow the guidance on the Kicks Count website, or don't be scared to phone your midwife or the hospital.

If you're not happy with your midwifes support can you ask to be referred to a different one? In your position, having had such losses, I would hope that you would get some empathy in your care. No nonsense is great and has it's place, but it sounds like you need some kindness and reassurance, understandably. Now is the time to advocate for yourself in getting the right care for you and baby.

Thank you so much to both of you

Wow okay; the app deleted everything else I wrote! What on Earth!

Thank you both, reading the reassurances has made me feel a little better and I very much appreciate it <3

i have tried talking to the midwifery team beat me but they operate an answering machine service for non emergency things and they only try calling me back when I’m at work, I don’t think they listen to the whole voicemail. I will just have to keep trying I guess!

I figured the movement thing might be due to the front chub, especially since baby is still small. It makes me feel better that inconsistency in the earlier days seems to be the norm!

Try not to worry about movements too much at this stage. I didn't feel anything until almost 23 weeks and then my movements were hit and miss (entirely depending on where baby was positioned). Midwife told me that baby will establish a pattern by 32 weeks. I did take myself in for reduced movements when I was about 26 weeks though - definitely ring triage if you are concerned and they will give advice. I was in for reduced movements last week at 34 weeks and baby was moving so much they struggled to keep the monitor on the heartbeat and I couldn't feel a thing! X

Hi @Yalmeister - we are a similar BMI and I have had the same concerns as you over the last few weeks regarding lack of movement some days. I didn't lose weight in the 1st / 2nd trimester but I didn't put any on either. I started feeling movements around week 18 and I'm now 22 weeks. Some days, I feel very little movement and it worries me. Other days, I can feel a lot but I've put this down to carrying extra weight around my tummy and the baby can be in a position where kicks aren't very noticeable. This is my 4th pregnancy but the first to progress this far so maybe my anxiety is a little heightened at times. You have been unfortunate enough to experience previous losses so every step of this pregnancy probably feels incredibly precarious.

My midwife has been pretty good and explained that I probably won't notice regular movement until I'm around 28 weeks. She isn't at all worried so I take comfort in her reassurance. I'm sorry you aren't receiving the same support. Sometimes, just some encouraging words from a healthcare professional can make all the difference.

Please try to not focus too much on your weight. Make sensible food choices but treat yourself too. Take a few breaks throughout the day and if possible, lay down for 10 mins - this is the time when I feel more movement so it might work for you too.

As you progress through the coming weeks, your baby's movement will become stronger but you will still have quiet times. Enjoy the busy kicking moments and then feel content when it goes quiet for a while - your baby needs to rest too.