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Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Unwanted support from Perinatal Mental Health

4 replies

Sev100 · 02/07/2022 02:56

Hello there,

thanks for reading this.

I am currently 32 and 2 days pregnant and have absolutely loved and enjoyed this pregnancy. Have had no issues what so ever. And especially with my mental health!

I have had previously a mental health condition around 5 years ago, and 15 years ago before that.

At that time I had support, which I must say was at the most negative time of my life. But each time I have made full recovery and rebuilt life to a great standard, or at least that’s how it feels.

Was referred to Perinatal MH team late, 28 weeks, and I don’t feel like I need their support.
Was referred as procedure for people who had experienced a bad episode at any point in their life.

I take medication and always will do unless they find a cure.

but tbh I find these people more of a hindrance as it reminds me of bad times, feels oppressive and a bit judged as it’s only literally based on my history. I am not unwell and I dont think i need them.

what have other people found if ok please?

i don’t have to be under them, but I’m a bit scared to discharge myself due to family pressures to see them and engage.

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Ardmano · 02/07/2022 04:49

You absolutely don't have to see them. And you are also perfectly reasonable to request their services if you change your mind later at any point. Personally I have found them helpful but and if I was feeling judged I could have told them that and they would have definitely taken it on board and changed their tack accordingly. But resources everywhere are different.

Not sure of your situation but a new baby is a massive change so it's hard to tell how you will cope until you're in it. Like I said you can request the help later if that suits you better.

TheLadyofShalott1 · 02/07/2022 05:13

Ah, unfortunately I have no idea how to advise you @Sev100 . But have you told the Perinstal Mental Health Team how you feel? If they say that they still think it is a good idea to keep an eye on you, have you asked them (in a calm manner of course) why they think it is a good idea, and what "keeping an eye on you" (or whatever more professional phrase they use) actually means - how intrusive it is going to be?

From my point of view (as a mother and grandmother) I do know that some people can feel elated while they are pregnant and then come crashing down when the baby is born, and the hormones change, and of course exactly the same thing can happen in reverse. Then other people might stay elated during both their pregnancy and new mum states, and gently start getting back to - a new - normal once their hormones settle, and they get more used to having a baby. Of course, some people will struggle with pregnancy, and struggle afterwards. The reality for most, is probably a mixture of a few of those things.

Of course very few perinatal medical teams will have any idea how their "mums" will be, especially if it is the mums first pregnancy. However, if you try and look at it from the P.T.s point of you (as if you worked for them, and were not pregnant yourself), and you found out through a GP's records that one of your mums had had particular difficulties with their mental health previously, and if you were lucky enough as a member of that team, to have a section that focuses on the mental health of the mums, then on reading those records I would imagine that you would want to offer that mum extra support, and would therefore tell the P.M.H.T. about your new pregnant mum-to-be?

If after you have - very reasonably - clarified how the mental health team want to be involved with your care, you will hopefully be able to make a more informed decision about whether you want, or think that there is any possibility that you might benefit from, their help.

I have to say, that I wish for at least my first pregnancy, I had had some extra support, as looking back now, even though I loved being pregnant, and I loved my baby totally when she was born, I think that I did suffer from pnd - thankfully not as badly as some people - but I was very scared and unhappy, and felt that I was getting, or I was at least potentially getting, everything that I did for my baby wrong. I had a reasonable amount of support from my mum (but she lived over an hour away and worked full-time), and my husband, but he also (thankfully) had a full-time job, and my heath visitor always, and inexplicably, turned up dressed to the nines, and wearing a velvet jacket, so I never felt like I could ask her for help, or even to hold my baby for a minute or two while I did something else, like fetch a new babygrow!

So, as long as you feel comfortable with it, and still in control, I think that in your position I would accept some extra support, but on the proviso that they would respect my decision if I felt they were becoming too intrusive. Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy @Sev100 you sound to me like you are going to be an excellent mum - but to me the very best mums are the ones who recognise if, and when, they need a little help or advice, and they accept it, if it feels right.
❤️💐xx

daretodenim · 02/07/2022 06:48

I think if you don't feel you need it then unless you're delusional (I don't think you are, that's my point!) then you don't.

Saying that, while there's every likelihood that everything will continue to be good, due to birth plus postpartum hormones, there's a risk for every woman that things can be difficult later. As you have a history of mental health problems, then on paper you're at increased risk of having a problem. To be clear that's simply an increased risk, not a certainty! So my point with this is that it could be worth speaking to them now you know them and ask to reduce the sessions and then meet them once before the birth and once after, unless you then need more.

You are in a doubly good position here that you're feeling good plus this service knows you in your feeling good time. If this changes, they will know know how you "should" be. And you also know them so if you need some help after the birth then they won't be total strangers/a service you don't know. This can be helpful if you're not feeling good.

Don't close the door, but definitely tell them you think you don't need help right now.

I'm happy for you that this is a positive time.

Sev100 · 02/07/2022 17:40

Thanks everyone, very helpful

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