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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

He actually blocked me

51 replies

Thistooshallpass01 · 01/07/2022 19:10

Hi All I am after some advice and maybe a pat on the back because this is getting all too much!

I was dating “DP” (I would say a situationship) for 9 months, I found out I was pregnant at 4 weeks and I told him. He immediately said I needed to have an abortion I thought about it and said no I did not feel like it was the right thing to do and although I don’t want to be a single mother I have to take responsibility of our poor decisions and lack of protection.

his reasons for me to abort:

he has a child already out of wedlock
he wants to start a family with someone else not me
I am ruining his life

After telling him the reasons he wanted to abort is selfish he decided to block me on WhatsApp and social media and wished me the best he also said he will deny our child and I am ruining his reputation.

I am upset, heartbroken and sad that I fell for someone who can be so nasty.

Why do men change?????

OP posts:
Eeejjj · 01/07/2022 19:51

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Disagree. As much as both parents is an 'idealistic' situation. Not necessary. Children turn out just amazing whether they have 1 or 2 parents.

Up to OP whether she is ready to take on the huge responsibility by herself &. I hope she has a good support system

frazzledasarock · 01/07/2022 19:54

Apply for child maintenance when baby arrives.

and please for your own sexual health use condoms when having sex unless you’re actively planning a baby. You could catch all sorts from some guy willing to have unprotected sex, if he’s having sex with you without protection he’s almost certainly having sex with others without protection.

he sounds horrible, if he’s so worried about his reputation and certain about not wanting multiple children with many women having unprotected sex is not compatible with his personal expectations.

Original poster
Thistooshallpass01 · 01/07/2022 19:56

Sorry I should have mentioned that I have a brilliant support system in terms of family and friends. As for CMS payments I haven’t really looked into yet but he has one fixed term contract and is also self employed but from what I read being self employed maybe tricky

OP posts:
Lazypuppy · 01/07/2022 19:59

OP i would think long and hard whether you want to be tied to this man for the rest of your life, which you will be if you have the baby. He may say he isn't interested now but he may change once baby is here, or chid is older and then he has every right to fight for 50/50 or something if he wants it. Would you be ok with that?

I see so many posts here where the woman continuea the pregnancy thinking they'll get the child with them 100% of the time, but then the guy decides he wants to be a dad and then they are im a co-parenting situation

DangerNoodles · 01/07/2022 20:06

Ergh some awful responses on this thread. It absolutely is is responsibility to care for this child with the OP, if he can't bring himself to actually care for the child he needs to make a substantial contribution to the child's upbringing.

Pro choice works both ways, OP. Only have an abortion if YOU want one, don't give in to pressure from other people, this is your decision to make.

limitededitionbarbie · 01/07/2022 20:06

Self employed is tricky to get a CMS payment. I'm still battling with them four years on despite going to court.

CMS is still weighted towards the non resident parent in my opinion.

If you have a good network then you should be fine.

Don't get me wrong it can be hard but I'm glad he isn't involved he's a dickhead. We were married and I honestly didn't see it coming. But it did, we're happy. I'm a lot older than you by the sounds of it but I'm glad he's not involved. He has pr as we were married when I had her but he's never shown an interest.

The one thing I've not struggled with is money as luckily I have a good career which I had before I met her dad.

I realise how lucky I am in that respect.

lonelydad2022 · 01/07/2022 20:07

Thistooshallpass01 · 01/07/2022 19:56

Sorry I should have mentioned that I have a brilliant support system in terms of family and friends. As for CMS payments I haven’t really looked into yet but he has one fixed term contract and is also self employed but from what I read being self employed maybe tricky

Sounds like a baby trap.

hotcoldnotsold · 01/07/2022 20:07

Your decision to be a parent is yours and yours alone. He was never in a relationship with you, you hardly knew him, he has made it clear he doesn't want a child with you - you have to accept that none of this his choice. But it is yours and as long as you are happy with it, that's what matters. Don't give the child his surname and if you can afford it, don't ask for CMS, nothing that ties you to this man. The last thing you want is in the future him fighting you for custody because he's had a change of heart or his partner can't have children.

Having a child just to responsibly suffer the consequences of bad decisions isn't a great plan though. It's a life long, life changing commitment and if you don't feel ready, there's no shame in saying no. Only do it if you want it and are ready for it, and not because you think it's what you should do. You have choices and options - think through them, forget about him completely and just do what is best for you and a future child.

BiscoffSundae · 01/07/2022 20:08

I would love to know how people you can force a man to parent a child he didn’t want! Cms is separate.

also don’t worry about the bc if he doesn’t want the baby he won’t want to be in it and you can’t put him on it unless he attends anyway

Original poster
Thistooshallpass01 · 01/07/2022 20:12

lonelydad2022 · 01/07/2022 20:07

Sounds like a baby trap.

Show quote history

Why on earth will I want to trap a man?! I am 30 and have a decent job. You username speaks volumes.

OP posts:
hotcoldnotsold · 01/07/2022 20:13

Also you seem a little in denial about your relationship with this man... he isn't a partner or even a bf. He's never made a commitment and I'm concerned you might think having a child is a way to tie him to you for life. You can't force someone to love you or be with you. Treat him like a one night stand and expect as little as you would from that sort of arrangement.

Original poster
Thistooshallpass01 · 01/07/2022 20:14

Phew people can be really horrible but thankful for the advice so far

OP posts:
Original poster
Thistooshallpass01 · 01/07/2022 20:17

hotcoldnotsold · 01/07/2022 20:13

Also you seem a little in denial about your relationship with this man... he isn't a partner or even a bf. He's never made a commitment and I'm concerned you might think having a child is a way to tie him to you for life. You can't force someone to love you or be with you. Treat him like a one night stand and expect as little as you would from that sort of arrangement.

I didn’t know how best to describe our relationship and I won’t force anyone to love me or be me with especially by having a baby

OP posts:
Eeejjj · 01/07/2022 20:19

@Thistooshallpass01 you described it just fine. You said it was a situationship- it hardly sounds like you are trying to make him 'love you' lol

Congratulations on your pregnancy :)

Original poster
Thistooshallpass01 · 01/07/2022 20:31

limitededitionbarbie · 01/07/2022 20:06

Self employed is tricky to get a CMS payment. I'm still battling with them four years on despite going to court.

CMS is still weighted towards the non resident parent in my opinion.

If you have a good network then you should be fine.

Don't get me wrong it can be hard but I'm glad he isn't involved he's a dickhead. We were married and I honestly didn't see it coming. But it did, we're happy. I'm a lot older than you by the sounds of it but I'm glad he's not involved. He has pr as we were married when I had her but he's never shown an interest.

The one thing I've not struggled with is money as luckily I have a good career which I had before I met her dad.

I realise how lucky I am in that respect.

So sorry this happened to you and glad you are in the position to support yourself and your DD.

Seems like most people on here believe that this is impossible!

OP posts:
Dic · 01/07/2022 20:34

Sounds a bit of a mess. God luck though.

hotcoldnotsold · 01/07/2022 20:44

Maybe not trying to make him love you. Bit you are still emotionally invested in him. Having feelings for and being 'heartbroken' over a 'situationship' whilst pregnant with his child is a messy thing. If you want to have a child and will be a single mum, you shouldn't spend anymore energy being upset over the actions of a man who never even committed a relationship to you in 9 months, let alone wanting a baby. He hasn't changed. You changed what you wanted, OP. And that's ok - but any decision should be made assuming he won't be a part of your life at all. Atm it seems like you are still reeling from heartbreak, and it's not the best head space to make decisions from. So try and move on from him quickly so emotions don't cloud your judgement.

Oceanus · 01/07/2022 20:45

OP, people are who they are, not who you want them to be. They will never ever change for you. You either accept them as they are and the feeling's mutual or you move on.
Now, can you do this alone? Can you support this kid? Have you got the financial means to do it alone? Have you got at least a good friend (if you can't afford hired help) who can help you no matter the situation? Have you got what it takes to raise this baby? If you answer yes to most, go for it, I don't think you'll regret it but don't expect any help from him and don't ask for it. He's not the father, he's the sperm donor. Don't expect him to behave as the father. Get legal advice now and see where you stand.
Good luck OP!

miltonj · 01/07/2022 20:45

Why is everyone so vile and weird on this thread?? Wtaf.

Sorry OP that you're getting mostly terrible responses. Take your time with your decision and talk it through with a close friend. Good luck in whatever you chose.

Merryclaire · 01/07/2022 21:00

Hope you are ok OP. Definitely seems like you have a lot to think about.

If I were you I’d be worried about him showing up in future wanting shared custody.

Snowflakes1122 · 01/07/2022 21:12

miltonj · 01/07/2022 20:45

Why is everyone so vile and weird on this thread?? Wtaf.

Sorry OP that you're getting mostly terrible responses. Take your time with your decision and talk it through with a close friend. Good luck in whatever you chose.

Agree. Some nasty people piling on the OP here. Really awful to see. Usually this level of vitriol is reserved for AIBU.

AnneLovesGilbert · 01/07/2022 21:46

Your tone keeps changing. On the one hand you’re happy to go it alone and well supported, 30 years old, stable and solvent. On the other you were having unprotected sex with a bloke you weren’t in a relationship with and you’re shocked a no strings shag didn’t want to have an unplanned baby with you and has blocked you.

If everything’s good and you’re happy to have a baby on your own, have support, can afford to raise a child with no money from their other parent then that’s great. Why are you stressing about him blocking you? Crack on as you are and hope it goes as you hope.

2ndstreet · 02/07/2022 05:13

@Thistooshallpass01 I just wanted to send you some support. I was in a similar situation with my 1st. Their dad spent the first few months trying to bully me into having an abortion, when he realised it was too late he ended our relationship. He did come round a bit, attended scans and came to birth. I do remember wishing for the first few years that I’d not fought so hard to keep him in dc life but always said I’d never stop him seeing his child. Financial support has been sporadic with nothing in first 2/3 years but as I made all the decisions on upbringing & bar some arguments & stress controlled visits I decided not to force payments. I didn’t want to push him into court controlled access & me having less time/control. I met someone when dc was 2 who moved in & has been a brilliant father & this made life much easier. I don’t regret being a single parent at all though & actually it was much easier than I thought. Dc is now a (bloody brilliant & very well balanced) teen and manages own relationship with him which is fantastic. I am so glad I made the choices I did though would never want to go through it again. Baby’s father may come round & want to be involved, he may not. I personally wouldn’t ask for financial support if you don’t want him involved - but he may chose to be anyway. Keep strong & don’t take any crap from people that don’t understand.

Original poster
Thistooshallpass01 · 02/07/2022 10:27

2ndstreet · 02/07/2022 05:13

@Thistooshallpass01 I just wanted to send you some support. I was in a similar situation with my 1st. Their dad spent the first few months trying to bully me into having an abortion, when he realised it was too late he ended our relationship. He did come round a bit, attended scans and came to birth. I do remember wishing for the first few years that I’d not fought so hard to keep him in dc life but always said I’d never stop him seeing his child. Financial support has been sporadic with nothing in first 2/3 years but as I made all the decisions on upbringing & bar some arguments & stress controlled visits I decided not to force payments. I didn’t want to push him into court controlled access & me having less time/control. I met someone when dc was 2 who moved in & has been a brilliant father & this made life much easier. I don’t regret being a single parent at all though & actually it was much easier than I thought. Dc is now a (bloody brilliant & very well balanced) teen and manages own relationship with him which is fantastic. I am so glad I made the choices I did though would never want to go through it again. Baby’s father may come round & want to be involved, he may not. I personally wouldn’t ask for financial support if you don’t want him involved - but he may chose to be anyway. Keep strong & don’t take any crap from people that don’t understand.

Thank you so much for this, this actually made me smile following all the horrid comments and it’s refreshing to see how positive for you it turned out and You are right in terms of financial support.

OP posts:
Scorpio8 · 02/07/2022 20:12

Hope your okay?

No one should tell you to get rid of a baby. It's your body at the end of the day.

It takes two people to make a baby. If he didn't want a child he could of stopped that from happening.

Everyone makes stupid mistake or bad choices in life.

Don't let people here stress you out because of falling pregnant in an awkward situation a lot people have done it.