Tips on dealing with anxiety in pregnancy after loss?

[Tisfortired]

Hi everyone, I am 10 weeks 4 days pregnant, after having 3 losses in the last 2 years. I have never got this far before (since I had my son 9 years ago.)

I had a scan at EPU 2 weeks ago at 8 + 4 which showed a pregnancy in the right place with a good heartbeat (something else I never saw with my losses - never got past 7 weeks with them.)

I am just really struggling to believe there is a viable baby with a heartbeat in there still. I’m convinced something terrible has happened in the last 2 weeks, or I’ll get to my 12 week scan and it’ll be a MMC. Or get to the 20 week scan and an anomaly will be picked up. It doesn’t help that after my booking in appointment my midwife said I am a pre term birth risk due to previous lletz (being referred for cervical ultrasound may need stitch) and that my son was on the 8th centile when he was born.

I just can’t relax. I’m hyper aware of all ‘symptoms’ knicker and tissue checking over and over again. I can’t get my hopes up to be knocked down again, I can’t go through it again. I am stressed and snapping at DP and DS and can’t focus at work. I’m having nightmares about mad things and waking up terrified most mornings. But I am also aware that this stress and anxiety will not be good for the baby. Has anybody else been through this and have any tips on getting through pregnancy after loss?

Hi , when trying for my fourth I had two miscarriages. When I got pregnant again I was a wreck, running to the loo every time I felt something , convinced I would see blood. Once I passed the 10 week mark ( both miscarriages were before 10 weeks) I thought I would calm down but then I was nervous to get bad news at the 12 week…I think I started to relax once I could feel movement as I had something to reassure me. Best advice is to literally take it a day or even an hour at a time. I remember thinking how I wished I’d appreciated my first three pregnancies when I was worry-free even with having a mis between my first and second. I can say though that I really enjoyed the last trimester so the anxiety does ease! Good luck xxx

I've been there. Sorry, no coping tips. It was really stressful. The sonographer at my 12 week scan must have sensed my tension cause she immediately went to find the heartbeat, no niceties. And the relief on hearing and seeing it was almost overwhelming. You'll get there. Odds are with you. Good luck. PS Mine is now 6 but I still remember the anxiety.

💐 Take each day as it comes & distract yourself as much as possible. Plenty of self care… the days will go quick - I know it doesn’t seem that way at the moment.

I can totally relate. I’m very anxious too. My history is a mmc before my son and 2 early miscarriages before this pregnancy. I’m 11 weeks today and bricking it for my 12 week scan, and 20 week already. I just keep telling myself my anxiety will not change anything and I need to live in the present more. Some days are worse than others!

Massive hugs. You really are not alone x

This is/was me OP, it is so hard.

I had a missed miscarriage in my first pregnancy, and thankfully got pregnant again very soon after. The pregnancy has been hard. I found the 8 week private scan of some reassurance but that anxiety was extremely high for the first 12 weeks. I think then the 20 week scan helped and also when movements happened and became more regular. 20 weeks was honestly the first time we actually spoke about having a baby as if it might happen.

My heart goes out to you, it is awful.

I am over 35 weeks now though, and things have been going well.

Thinking about what has helped, Zoe Clark Coates book, 'Pregnancy after loss' was useful for me. I particularly liked the pregnancy 'advent calendar' page at the front where you colour in each each week and can visually see your progress. The 'Pregnancy after Loss' app is also helpful.

Does your area have a Perinatal Psychological Interventions team? I was referred by my midwife (after lots of tears in my booking in scan) and have found them fab. I have a specialist midwife who I have calls with every few weeks and can call outside of this for reassurance, questions, repeating previous reassurance etc. Have found this really helpful for me.

I hope all goes well with your pregnancy, it is so hard but does get easier in my experience.

There's a book by Zoe Clark Coates called Pregnancy after Loss. I think it looks really helpful but I've not had cause to read it myself yet. She posts some really insightful things on instagram too. Also counselling, you have many more months to go and you really can't put a price on your mental health. ❤️

Hi girls. I am the same, I've had 4 losses in 2 years with no known cause and I just found out on Sunday I'm pregnant again. I read your stories and I experience all those things every time too ☹️ it really is awful! I got to 13 weeks last time with twins and then started to bleed so I feel like I have still so much time to get past and every day is like a week!