Third Pregnancy, Struggling, Looking for Positivity

[SCBH]

I have posted on this before, but needing support so posting again. Looking for positivity and hope!

I am 38 with a 2 yr old and 6 yr old. (girls) This is a planned pregnancy, always believed that wanted three kids. I am around 9 weeks. Ever since I found out that I was pregnant, I have been filled with anxiety, worry, and sadness. At first, I would cry alot and have panic attacks over being pregnant, with sleepless nights, which makes no sense because we wanted to be pregnant. I am now on an anti depressant to address the issues. I had anxiety before, and I believe the hormones have maximized my anxiety and have made me feel overall bad.

The panic attacks and sadness have subsided, but all I can think of is "what have we done." I fear that we have made the wrong decision and that this is going to ruin our family dynamic. I am absolutely only thinking the worst. I did not feel any of this prior to being pregnant. Thinking the worst is not new to me due to my anxiety. But I cannot get over thinking - what have we done- starting over-changing dynamics, etc. Can anyone tell me that they have been there but once baby is born all makes sense? I am looking for hope and positivity. Telling myself that this was all meant to be, but struggling. Feeling like I am dreaming this situation. :(

bumping for advice!

Sorry have no advice but watching as I'm trying for a third after a lot of back and forth "should I/shouldn't I" so curious to hear any insight others may have.

Just had my third. Already have 6 and 4 year old daughters. Bloody awful pregnancy, dont know how I kept everything together. Painful joints and limited range of movement (particularly in hips) from end of first trimester, mental health shot and was quite alarming to DH, exhausted and insomniac. Sickness and exhaustion for months 3-6 at least Put on a lot of weight and had huge 10lb baby.

I couldn't do it again. Absolutely was the right thing to do and the dynamic is fab. We have a boy which I think is nice for the girls to have a brother.

I am 5 months PP and I've got at least 2 stone to lose BUT.... everyone says I've never looked happier, as a family we are on Cloud 9. My mental health is absolutely great, the sleepless nights and newborn phase flew by and I breezed through it if I'm honest.

Things that helped:
Just getting through it. You just have to survive this 9 months. You don't have to be well turned out and organised and 'on it'. I am very much like this and have extremely high standards for myself (and others if I'm honest!!) but had to wind this back, painful as that was for me.
Saw osteopath from 4 weeks PP to sort me out (never been to anything like that before).
Counselling to help with prompts for poor mental health. Actually only had 2 sessions as therapist then went off sick (!) but it still helped hugely.

Hi.

No advice except to say I'm in the same boat. 4 year old and a 2 year old. Dithered about a bigger family since the 2 year old was born and on holiday over Easter had a drunken what will be, will be moment.

The minute I got my positive test I felt sick. I called BPAS and received counselling for a termination, got the pills in the post. Couldn't bring myself to do it, then the window passed. Had an early scan and just felt nothing. Called BPAS again to talk about surgical termination. Had my booking appointment and bloods and just found it so surreal.

I'm 12 weeks today and suddenly over the last few days feel vaguely OK about it all. I know it's a downer to say it but probably I should have had the termination - life is never going to be easier for us now and it might be unfathomably harder. But it's done now and I'm trying to think of positives. This will be my second daughter and I'm thinking OK, sisters, that's new.

Would love to hear some positive stories too! Cos I'm just making things worse I'm sure.

I would say though if you really planned this pregnancy, these feelings are likely pregnancy related hormones you've just got to ride out.

@WineIsMyCarb This is lovely to hear, that you all feel happier. I guess I do feel it might be a really special lovely thing to have a new person join the family.

Three is the best number of children. Parents of 3 (from other children's school, for example) all come out of the woodwork and tell you this, whispered, so the rest don't hear 😁
We are obviously early days and it will be 'interesting' once I go back to work but it's been 100% the right thing.
I think it reinforces your parenting style too. I'm following my mum's way of mothering which is "you can't be too strict and you can't give them too much love" which maybe sounds contradictory but isn't really. I've made dinner, take it or leave it (bread and butter available if you really hate it), strict bedtimes apart from special stay up late night, do as teacher tells you etc. And that is all served up with lots of affection (physical and telling them), heaps of praise, daft in-jokes etc.
You need the strict bit if you have 3, especially if you want to leave the house and go anywhere! And I think the 3 helps with the love and affection bit, because they see you fussing the baby, then you park him and chase them around for cuddles while they're trying to do something else and it all ends up in giggles. It's fab.
And I only really shout about 4 times a week 😉

@jjeoreo Sorry to hear what a tough time you're having. If it helps at all ... I don't find 3 that much harder (yet). The hard bit is the fact that he's a baby (so inconvenient!) and that I do 100 things a minute for most of the day. 2 under 2 was solo much harder as neither was really giving anything back at that stage. And it was incredibly dull!
Now I'm doing school run and swim lessons and day trips with children who can ask interesting questions and tell me facts about the moon (or whatever) and I just happen to be carting a baby around too. And all this entertains him, so I don't need to entertain him particularly.

OK, All good advice. Just crazy what these hormones (and anxiety) do. I am not good at transitions. I know that about myself. However I had no idea the upheavel it would cause for me (mentally.) I started taking Lexapro. Hopefully that will help soon. Also when we find out gender and it becomes more of a person in my mind than just a "pregnancy," maybe it'll get better.I love my two children so. I can't imagine not loving this one the same. Perhaps its the what ifs and worse case scenarios that are getting to me. Its hard to know if these are REAL feelings, or my hormones and anxiety talking. I just wish I could sort all of this out so I can enjoy and not be fearful. Perhaps counseling!

Also, Im very sentamental. I actually think Im grieving the loss of our family of four. (Which is crazy, bc they arent going anywhere!) Praying that after baby is born we could not imagine it any other way.