Unsure how to feel about this pregnancy

[blibbyblobb]

Hi, i found out i am expecting baby no 2 on fathers day (3rd pregnancy). It was a bit of a suprise as we were not trying but wanted to try later on this year.

A part of me is happy as the eldest who will be 5 in November will finally have a sibling, but a part of me doesn't want to be pregnant just yet (i know i should be grateful and would really be angry at myself saying this 5 years ago when i suffered a miscarriage). I think i feel this way as i have just started my dream job and will miss out on the enhanced maternity pay.

With my first we just managed to survive financially on the standard maternity pay and it meant i couldnt do lots of stuff with little one and some days would eat one meal a day to survive, now we have a larger outcome and with cost of living rising by the second i am so anxious that i will be scraping it or getting into debt to make ends meet.

We really just want two kids so this could be my last pregnancy if all goes well, so i really want to enjoy it as the last one was full of anxiety due the first one being a miscarriage.

I really feel alone and as im jus 6 weeks i haven't shared the news to anyone apart from husband and mum who both keep saying "dont worry".. But all i do is worry... Am i awful mother for not wanting this pregnancy? But then i am so terrified of miscarrying again 😔

You are not awful. I have a 5 year old and tried for years for a sibling which never happened. I've got used to our life now and if I was to suddenly fall pregnant, I'm not sure I'd know what to do. For me, it would mean changing so many things that I've got planned or currently enjoy, versus that longed for second child. My younger self would be angry with me too, but I wanted two kids close in age so this really wouldn't be how I envisioned it.

You're obviously going to keep it so I'm not going to suggest you have choices, but I would just give yourself some time to get used to it, maybe not a few things down about you think you might make things work and hopefully you'll
start to relax.

I'm 17 weeks with my second and it was an unexpected surprise. Our oldest is 7 and we had always wanted another but hadn't planned it right now. Termination was personally never an option for us, we want this baby but I'm only now just starting to get used to the idea. I've had all sorts of anxious thoughts about finances, how our life will change again, how our oldest will react etc.. but I think it's natural to have doubts. It doesn't make us awful mothers.
Try to relax and enjoy, theres no point worrying and I'm sure you'll manage with whatever your situation might be.

Thank you for your messages, its really helpful. I'm glad to read im not the only one who felt lost at the start. I think as time goes by i will be more excited and i just need some time to process what is happening. Thank you x

Hi @blibbyblobb I also found out I was pregnant on Father’s Day! Very unexpected as we’d been told last year we couldn’t have any more children. I’d just made my peace with it and started to think about sending my son to nursery and picking up some more hours and extra responsibilities at work. Not to mention I’ve been enjoying sleeping through for the past few months! So yes, in short, totally understand the contradictory thoughts!