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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

How much can I unload anxiety on my midwife?

2 replies

The3rdWatermelon · 26/06/2022 14:11

I’m 24 weeks today and have my next midwife appointment on Friday. Some days I’m really struggling with anxiety. It’s bleeding over into my work, money, friendships, I just feel constantly panicky about everything. I’ve found myself up in the early hours checking electric sockets in case there’s a fire and hiding back up cash in my car in case I don’t have enough money on my card at the petrol station.

My pregnancy is high risk due to IVF and my own medical conditions and I’m worried about somehow failing at the birth, and I’m worried I’ll be a terrible mum. IVF was very long and emotional, and I’ve rather avoided people with babies and small children for several years because it just hurt too much. Now I don’t know ANYTHING about babies!

It’s all been compounded by a run of bad luck. House sale fell through, we lost money on it and can no longer afford to move, death in the family, elderly family member having a fall and going into hospital, one horse I was responsible for colicked and died, two weeks later another one colicked as well and only just pulled through, our front door broke, it’s just one thing after another and I’m crying all the time over everything.

Added to that we have a close family member who is very excited but very overbearing about my pregnancy. With so many crap things happening, and how shitty the whole IVF process has been, there were little firsts we were looking forward to. Little baby purchases and telling certain people who would be excited for us, but we wanted to do it on our own timeline, because of the fear of ‘tempting fate’. I know it’s silly and it doesn’t matter in the long run, but it’s really hurt and increased my stress levels to find out that this person decided we were being silly and made the decision to tell people and buy things before we were ready to do it simply because she didn’t feel like our timeline for doing it was ‘right’.

Ive thought about texting the midwife to tell her I’m struggling but then I didn’t want to waste her time. I’m crying all the time. I’m not sleeping. I’m worried about so many things.

Now I’m afraid I’ll get to the appointment on Friday and just burst. Am I going to look like an idiot?

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
milawops · 26/06/2022 14:21

My midwife spent the last 3 months of my pregnancy watching me cry, listening to me pour my heart out and generally holding me together with her bare hands. I had PND from my first, anti natal depression,sciatica and I was 99% certain my relationship was over as my partner was cheating (he wasn't) I live at the opposite end of the country from my parents so I had no one close by for support. At one of my appointments it over ran because she spent quarter of an hour just hugging me while I sobbed on her shoulder. After that she alway made me the last one of the day and sat and had a cup of tea with me at the end of the appointment.
Don't wait for the appointment, let her know you are struggling before you burst and it all pours out in one go.

abbs1 · 26/06/2022 14:22

Oh OP, Im so sorry. Sounds like youre going through a lot. I would definitely voice how your feeling to the midwife so they can get you some help.
I had awful anxiety around the birth of my baby girl as I'd had a miscarriage and then horrendous hyperemesis with my little boy who only just made it after complications so my anxiety was through the roof with my pregnancy with her. I had complications with her as well. So I asked for help and was referred to the mental health midwife who was absolutely amazing and I could just talk everything through.
I would ask if there is a perinatal midwife or counselling etc to help you.

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