why is everyone mean to me about buying 1st baby 2nd hand clothes-items rant

[ruva]

I am expecting my 1st baby end of feb, because we bought a house last year finances are tight, after 2 years of fertility investigations was told my only chance to concieve was ivf , i sold my holiday apartment to pay for the treatment only to fall pregnant naturally just before the start of the cycle i have been buying things from charity shops and everyone is disgusted that i am being tight , i feel i can save money on certain items, a friend came over to my house today and she wanted me to bin the little outfits i had bought. How can people judge me on what i can afford for my baby.
I am just sick of them!!!!

I almost always buy second-hand stuff for babies. They only get to wear things for a few weeks or months, after all.

I don't even think it's a question of whether you can afford stuff or not, I just think buying secondhand or borrowing where you can is really sensible.

There are lots of reasons to buy second hand or borrow:

• 'tis lots of fun winning a bid on eBay
• because babies grow out of things quickly, second hand items are usually still in good nick anyway so they're hardly rags
• it's eco-friendly
• you end up with quite unusual stuff rather than the same babygros all your friends have from mothercare et al so your baby stands out
• you aren't sure beforehand if an item will be your best ever buy or a complete waste of money; it's less of a waste if you only paid second hand prices
• the baby doesn't have a clue what new or secondhand means anyway
• and yes, it is cheaper so you can put the extra money towards other more important things (like saving for university fees...)

I'm due end March and I've bought some funky but cheap secondhand clothes from eBay, been given a second hand pram, and we're borrowing loads of items from ILs. I figured friends would buy us lots of toys and clothes as gifts so am not intending to buy those until we know what we have. the stuff we've bought new has been the cotbed and mattress and then smaller things like bottles and steriliser and muslins etc. (although could probs have got all that secondhand as well)

The eco-friendly argument is a good one -- practice looking shocked when friends suggest you are being tight and say things like "do you have any idea what the carbon footprint associated with a single new Babygro is once you've factored in the impact of manufacture and transport?" (as it happens, I haven't any idea either, but it will be a heck of a lot less than one bought second-hand from the charity shop over the road).

There's actually a better range on eBay than in many shops, anyway (especially if you are having a girl and don't want head-to-toe pink).

Who are these people??
Do they work for credit card companies?

You are completely and utterly doing the right thing!

If you have spare cash, save it for when your lo is older.

I used to be like that and wouldn't even consider buying second hand anything, but now i have 4 kids realising that things don't get used for very long and they are very expensive items, so i bought second hand with 2,3,4 baby no problems even better if you get get stuff from people or friends that justwant to de clutter. As long as you wash all clothes and clean highchairs and stuff it shouldn't be a problem...Tell them to get a life, stop being so stuck up one day it will happen to them as it did me!!Take no notice of them..good luck with baby

I don't even think it should come down to whether you can afford new or not. My DH and I are pretty well paid and as such I know it's probably raised a few (shallow) eyebrows but our first bub will be sleeping in a beautiful second hand cot, bathed in a borrowed baby bath, changed on a borrowed change table, playing with donated toys, transported in a donated car seat and wearing gifted clothes! And I have gratefully accepted unopened packets of breast pads, feeding cushions, books, baby slings (one that's already done my friend's four babies!)... Finally instead of a 'baby wardrobe' we have converted an old bookcase with baskets for all the toys, clothes etc. And it looks great! Can you imagine how much that lot would have cost new? Would that make me a better mother??? I will feel great about passing all this stuff back to its original owners or on to someone else - no guilt because I didn't have to fork out for it! Good for all us recyclers I say!

So far, we've got a couple of large boxes of clothes that were my nephew's, a lot more coming from friends, a fab travel system from a friend, and lots of second hand or reduced things on ebay! And me and my mum often trawl charity shops for baby things too. Why are people such snobs? As if the baby cares! It's all down to people treating babies like fashion accessories. I admit we have bought a few new things too, but it's always a treat and we know that it's not really necessary. And yes, it's better for the planet too, let alone our own finances!

I thought before i got prenant with my first i thought im not going to buy anything of e-bay or anything out of a charity shop but u try getting me out of the charity shops and off e-bay and my cousin recently had twins 1 girl 1 boy and because im having a boy she is giving me almost everything i need so quite lucky really and why not save money i am.

easy solution. don't tell them they are used.

just say you've washed and ironed in prep for baby.

or if friends ask say a sibling gave them after their baby finished with them.
if a sibling asks tell them a friend gave them to you.

its no ones business but your own.

save money where you can, means ive been able to splash out on things we really want, or need, that are new.

just bought our home too, totally understand, plus increasing prices everywhere!!

Tell them to shove it up their bum! You are not only being financially savvy, you are recycling so good for the environment and you will soon find out how little baby clothes get worn before they outgrow them, so you're buying "gently used" rather than second hand.

Good on you. All my girls live in second hand clothes.

And our first dd only had a new pushchair and cot mattress, cot, bouncy chair, door bouncer, high chair etc were all second hand and in immaculate condition. I lived on ebay for the duration of my pregnancy!

The 2nd hand/everything new divide is very real it seems to me. I'm on the 2nd hand side of the fence so won't labour that. I have learned to be cautious about bringing out stuff for people I don't know well, a surprising number of people take it as an insult. No wonder the planet is trashed

I hope that you are otherwise enjoying your pregnancy - how wonderful that you are having a baby at long last

Ds1 didnt have a single new item bar the mattress I think, I can't imagine people saying that was tight, we couldn't afford it.

Tell them to sod off - or don't tell them anything. It's none of their business and anyway, you are being green.

jeysus kids are only in clothes, prams, cots etc two seconds it makes perfect sense - take no notice of the SNOBS!xx

Totally agree with everything everyone said. I got lots of second hand stuff for my dd, because I was skint at the time. I am now earning twice as much, but if I had another baby I would go down the second hand route again like a shot.

It's cheaper
It's better for the environment
It's better for the charities that benefit

Think how spoiled our babies our in the west compared to babies in the developing world!

All they need is a pair of loving arms, the rest (bar a car seat perhaps) is optional, seriously!

So ridiculous. My mother who is very very wealthy spent lots of time trawling the used clothing shops in her town to find cute outfits for my first (and her first grandchild). I didn't get almost anything new. I got handmedown beds, car seats, buggies, clothing. My kids are now 5 and 7 and I'm still taking handmedowns whenever possible. I use the money I save for much more important things like extra classes for the kids, or a babysitter for a break for me!!!

I have a friend you visably winces when I metion charity shops , my kids grew up in charity shop clothes and wore fantastic stuff, much better than new cheap badly made stuff. Once they grew out of it it all got handed back in to be used again, babies never wear clothes out, stain a few though.

hold your head high, you are doing everything right.

Aside from the clearly relevant ecological argument for recycling baby things, wtf is the point of spending money on little fripperies they wear for a maximum of 3 months on average, and that only 2 or three times?

ds2 wears doubly recycled stuff- bought secondhand for ds1 and still going strong!

Agree with all of the above PLUS cotton is one of the most sprayed crops so unless everything is organic, secondhand is absolutely the best for baby - the clothes will have been washed loads and have less pesticide residue.

Blimey, I hardly bought DS anything new before he was born: got given baby clothes by 4 different people and lent a moses basket: all the babywear (and my maternity wardrobe) kitted out various friends who subsequently got PG. Now he is 3 I buy him more new stuff as it is quite hard to find clothes for toddlers in our local charity shops - either because it's a poor area and everyone beats me to it, or because toddlers trash their clothes so much more thoroughly (and are generally in them for longer).

In answer to Op...

Your 'friend' is a intellectually challenged snob.

once an outfit has been washed, it's been washed. All babies are scrumptios littt;e things - who cares whose skin touched it first? Would she discard all her clothes after hugging someone?

there is no logic in refusing second hand clothes - that's why only irrational or stupid peole do so.

And it's very lower middle to turn your nose up at second hand clothes . Does she perhaps have something to prove?

As soon as I told her (she was the second person I told after dp) that I was pregnant my mum actually started going to all the NCT sales in West Yorkshire again - my stepsister had a baby a few weeks before me. I hardly had to buy anything except by choice for the first few months - we tried out two prams off Freecycle and were given lots of clothes via various relatives and relatives of relatives.

I've kept a lot of things hoping to have a second, but have asked my mum to Freecycle or give the things I wasn't so attached to (I ended up with a lot one way and another) back through Freecycle or to charity or just anyone else she knows who can make use of them. My baby had lovely clothes which were unworn just because he grew so fast/they were for the wrong season or whatever and I really hope they will get worn by another sprog of mine or someone else's at some point.

Take no notice. I just hope that everyone who is disgusted at least gives you some nice pressies for the baby but as others have suggested, I think buying secondhand is great - lots of advantages for you and it's more green too.

Good luck with the baby.

baby won't worry about things being second hand! The only things that I think we only NEEDED to buy new was cot mattress and car seat.

Congrats on your pregnancy.

DH and I bought new and second hand things when I was pg. TBH we needn't have bought any of the things we got as we got so many gifts of clothes and other things that we haven't needed half of the stuff we bought. DD is 8 weeks old now and lots of her clothes have been packed away as she no longer fits them, half of them she never even wore. I've passed a ;ots of them on to a neighbor of mine who is pg.

Take no notice of them, you are doing the right thing. Your baby will need you more than anything else.

Good luck